‘You don’t know what you’re talking about.’
Tyres squealed and a second ARV came round the corner. Shepherd couldn’t see who was inside it. The Vauxhall braked and stopped behind Rose’s car.
‘Reinforcements,’ said Jones. ‘The more the merrier.’ He took the gun away from his head.
‘Keep the gun where it is, Barry,’ said Shepherd. ‘They won’t do anything while I’m here.’
‘You think I’m scared of a few Robocops?’
‘No, but if you do anything threatening, they’ll blow you away.’
‘So long as I’m dead I don’t see it matters who does the job,’ said Jones.
Shepherd glanced over his shoulder. Rose was behind the Vauxhall, his MP5 targeted on Jones’s chest. The doors of the newly arrived ARV opened and two men hurried over to Rose, bent at the waist.
‘What were you doing in Afghanistan?’ asked Shepherd.
‘That’s classified,’ said Jones. ‘I could tell you, but I’d have to kill you.’
Shepherd smiled. So long as the man had his sense of humour, there was less chance of him pulling the trigger.
‘Must have been hairy,’ said Shepherd.
‘It was no picnic.’ Jones took a deep breath, then let it out slowly.
‘You were in the Sass?’ Jones was almost a decade older than Shepherd so it was just about possible that they had served at the same time. Shepherd was sure he’d never met the man, though.
Jones shrugged. ‘What’s it to you?’
‘I’m just trying to understand why you’re doing this, that’s all.’
‘Post-traumatic stress syndrome, is that what you think?’ said Jones, contemptuously. ‘You really are an amateur shrink, aren’t you?’
‘If it’s not stress, what is it? What you’re doing isn’t rational – you’ve got to admit that, right? Sitting on the grass with a gun pointed at your head.’
‘Quicker than hanging or slicing my wrists.’
‘Unless the gun jerks and you only blow off a piece of your skull. Then you spend the rest of your life being fed through a tube.’
‘It won’t jerk,’ said Jones. He nodded at Rose. ‘Is he any good with that thing?’
‘Probably not as good as you,’ said Shepherd.
Jones grinned ruefully. ‘Not fired a Five for years,’ he said.
‘Like riding a bike,’ said Shepherd. ‘Why did you leave the Regiment?’
‘RTUd. Just couldn’t hack it any more.’
Life in the SAS was tough, and while some troopers served virtually their whole career in the Regiment, others burned out after just a few years. Shepherd had always felt he could have done a full twenty years, but that was before Sue had become pregnant with Liam. Children changed everything.
‘Couldn’t hack the regular army either, not after being in the Sass. Went back to Civvy Street and it was pretty much downhill from then on.’
Shepherd’s earpiece crackled. ‘We’ve got you covered, Stu. Any sign that he’s getting aggressive and you hit the ground.’ Rose’s voice was close to a whisper so there was no chance of Jones overhearing.
Shepherd nodded towards the house. ‘Sharon’s an army wife?’
‘Met her after I left. She got pregnant first time we slept together and that was it. Game over.’
‘Boy or girl?’
‘Girl. You got kids?’
‘No.’
‘Keep it that way,’ said Jones. ‘They bring you nothing but grief and misery, wives and kids.’
‘You don’t mean that,’ said Shepherd.
‘You don’t know what I mean.’
‘I know most people say that kids are what life is about.’
‘Yeah? And what if your wife uses your kid as a weapon to beat you over the head with? What if she poisons the kid against you so that she won’t even talk to you on the phone because she’s been told that you’re the meanest bastard on God’s earth?’
‘I’m sorry,’ said Shepherd, but regretted the words as soon as they’d left his mouth.
‘No, you’re not,’ said Jones. ‘You’re trying to connect so that you can talk me out of doing what I’m going to do.’
‘That’s my job,’ said Shepherd. ‘It’s what I’m paid to do.’
‘Yeah, well, enjoy it while you can because when they’ve no more use for you you’ll be out on the streets.’ Jones took another deep breath. ‘You should leave now before you get blood on that nice clean Robocop uniform.’
‘At least tell me why you’re so keen to end it all. I thought the Sass never gave up. Fought to the last man. Never give up, never leave a man behind.’
Jones narrowed his eyes as he looked at Shepherd. ‘Do I know you?’
‘No.’
‘What did you do before you were a cop?’
‘Always been a cop.’
‘Never been in the army?’
‘Never wanted to sleep in a barracks,’ said Shepherd.
‘You look the type, that’s all.’
‘What type?’
‘The type who passes selection, gets badged.’
‘Is it as tough as they say it is?’
‘Tougher than you can ever imagine. The Regiment has never lowered its standards. Your lot, they let anyone in now, right? Height restrictions went, then they lowered fitness levels. Now, providing you’ve got a pulse, you can be a cop. But the Sass, if you’re not the best, don’t even think about it.’
‘And how do you get from there to here?’ asked Shepherd.
An ambulance turned into the street. No siren, no flashing lights. Softly, softly.
‘You mean how did my life turn to shit? Reality, mate. A wife who thought she was marrying a hero, a daughter who thinks I hate her, a world that doesn’t give a shit about who I was or what I did. You’ll find out the same, once you leave the police. You are what you do, and when you stop doing it, your life stops too.’ He gestured at the house. A curtain flickered at an upstairs window. ‘Think she even cares what happens to me? She’s got a restraining order against me. I’m not supposed to come within half a mile of her.’
‘Why’s that?’
‘Because she lied, told the judge I beat the crap out of her. I never did. On my daughter’s life I never lifted a finger to her. I’ve never hit a woman. Never have and never will. Now she’s got herself another man and I’m still paying her half of everything I earn. Which is half of fuck-all.’ Jones took a deep breath. ‘This is a waste of time,’ he said. ‘Mine and yours.’
‘I’m not going anywhere,’ said Shepherd.
‘You talk me out of doing this now, I go to jail for a few months and I’ll still end up topping myself. Might as well let me get it over with.’
‘What is it you want, Barry?’
‘I want you to tell my daughter I loved her,’ said Jones. ‘Can you do that for me?’
‘Barry—’
The gun went off and the top of Jones’s head exploded. Blood splattered across Shepherd’s cheek but most of the brain and skull fragments sprayed over the grass. Jones’s shoulders hit the ground with a dull thud. For a second or two Shepherd thought Rose had fired but his ears were ringing and he realised Jones had pulled the trigger.
‘Stu, are you okay?’ Rose’s voice crackled in Shepherd’s ear.
Shepherd nodded but didn’t say anything. The gun lay on the ground, the barrel pointing towards him. Jones’s eyes were wide open. His left leg twitched once, then was still. There was a faint gurgling sound in his chest, which stopped.
