diamantes.
‘Worth a billion,’ Raff said appreciatively. ‘Every diamond over a carat, but not a one out of place. Lovely soft mouth, our villain.’
The villain had come to investigate, pushing his way through the crack in the bedroom door, nosing his way to the crime scene. Checking out the glasses case. Putting his paw on it, then looking back to Abby and wagging his tail.
‘Don’t say a thing, Klep,’ Abby said. ‘No admissions.’
‘His DNA’s all over it.’
‘He put it on just now. He’s as horrified as I am. And you… you’ve let the suspect himself contaminate the crime scene. I’m appalled.’
He grinned and rubbed Kleppy under the ear and Kleppy wriggled his tail, lifted the glasses case delicately from his hand and headed back into the bedroom. Straight under the duvet with the rest of his loot.
Raff looked through to the bedroom, thoughtful. ‘Maybe I should search in there, too.’
‘Don’t you dare,’ she said, suddenly panicking, and he straightened and his smile faded.
‘I won’t. You okay?’
‘I’ll live.’
‘You have a hard few days ahead. I hope your millionaire’s going to take care of you.’
‘Raff…’
‘Mmm?’ He was watching her. Just…watching. The laughter had gone now. He was intense and caring and big and male and…and…
‘I think I can put Ben behind me,’ she said and his face stilled.
‘Sorry?’
‘I…’
How to say the unsayable? How to get it out? She’d never intended… In a few months, maybe, when the dust had settled… But now? Here?
‘I think I might love you,’ she whispered and the thought was out there-huge, filling the house with its danger.
Danger? That was what it felt like, she thought. A sword, hanging over her head, threatening to fall.
Falling in love with the bad boy.
‘I know…this is dumb.’ She was stammering, stupid with confusion. ‘It’s not the time to say it. I shouldn’t… I mean, I don’t know whether you want it. I’m not sure even that I want it, but I fell in love with you twenty years ago, Raff Finn, and I can’t stop. This week…it’s jolted me out of everything. It’s made me see… Your craziness broke my heart but it hasn’t changed anything. I can’t… I can’t stop loving you. If I can forgive what happened with Ben, is there a chance for us?’
‘For us?’ His face was emotionless. Still. Wary?
‘Once upon a time we were boyfriend and girlfriend.’ She hadn’t got this right. She knew it but she didn’t know how to get it right. ‘I was hoping…’
‘We might get together again?’
‘Yes.’
‘Now you’ve forgiven me.’
‘I…yes. But…’
‘There’s no chance at all,’ he said and suddenly there was no trace of laughter, no trace of gentleness, nothing at all. His voice was rough and cold and harsh. He looked stunned-and, unbelievably, he looked as if she’d just struck him. ‘
‘It’s what I need to do.’
‘What do you mean?’ he demanded.
‘If I’m to love you. I need to forgive you if I’m to love you. All I’m saying is that I can. All I’m saying is that I think I have.’
Silence. Silence, silence and more silence.
She couldn’t bear it. She wanted to dive back under the duvet and hide. Hide from the look on Raff’s face.
But there was no escaping that look. There was such pain…
‘There’s no such thing as forgiveness for Ben,’ he said at last, and the harshness was gone. It had been replaced with an emptiness that was even more dreadful. ‘If you have to say it… It’s still there.’
‘Of course it’s still there.’
‘Of course,’ he repeated. ‘How can it not? And it always will be.’ He took a deep breath. Another.
The silence was killing her.
She had this wrong. She didn’t know how. She didn’t know what she could do to repair it.
Would it ever be possible to repair it?
‘Abby, ten years ago, I was crazily, criminally stupid,’ he said at last, speaking slowly, emphasising each word as if it were being dragged out of him. ‘I can’t think about it without hating myself. But you know what? I’ve moved on.’
‘You’ve…’
‘If I hadn’t, then I’d go insane,’ he said. ‘How do you think I felt? My best friend dead, my sister irreparably injured, and me with no memory of it at all. I was gutted by Ben’s death-I still am. To lose such a friend… To inflict such pain on everyone who loved him… And more, every time I look at Sarah I know what I’ve done. But after ten years…’
Another deep breath. Another silence.
‘After ten years, I have it in perspective,’ he said. ‘I’ve seen a lot of stupid kids. A lot of appalling accidents. There’s always a driver; it’s always someone’s fault. But in those situations, you know what? There are other things, too. Kids egging other kids on. Being dumb themselves. That night Ben wasn’t wearing a seat belt. We had ’em fitted-my gran insisted on it. Sarah wasn’t wearing a seat belt, either-she was wearing a cute new dress she knew would crush. None of us should have been up there on that track in the rain. It was totally dumb. Yes, I was driving. Yes, I must have veered to the wrong side of the road and Philip says I was speeding. I’ve taken that on board. I’ve convicted myself and I’ve received my sentence. I’ve lost Ben as you’ve lost Ben. I’ve lost parts of Sarah, and my actions hurt so many, had so many repercussions, they can never be repaired. That’s what I live with, Abby, every day of my life, and I’m not adding to it.’
‘I don’t…I don’t know what you mean.’
‘If we took this further… Waking up every morning beside a woman who says she forgives me? What sort of sentence it that? This week…okay, I’ve kissed you and yes, I’ve wanted you. I’ve given you a hard time about marrying Philip. And you know what? Last night, when the whispers went round that you’d given back his ring, for one breathtaking moment I thought maybe we could figure out some sort of future. But now… You forgive me? Graciously? Lovingly? Thanks, but no thanks. I can’t live with that, Abby. You do what you need to do, but don’t factor me in. Fetch Mrs Fryer’s glasses case, please. I need to go.’
‘Raff…’
‘Don’t push this any further,’ he snapped. ‘Figure it out for yourself. It’s your life. I’ve done what I need to survive and forgiveness doesn’t come into it. Acceptance…that’s a much harder call.’
She stared up at him, confused. Shattered. Knowing, though…knowing in the back of her mind that he was right.
She forgave him?
Where was a future in that?
Raff returned the glasses case to Mrs Fryer, who took it with suspicion and examined it from all angles for damage. She glared at him and he thought that if it had been his dog that had taken the case, he’d be up on charges by now. Even though the case was worth zip.
Diamonds? He’d seen a diamond that big and he knew what a real one looked like. That diamond was sitting in Philip’s security safe by now, he thought. That it wasn’t sitting on Abby’s finger…
He couldn’t afford to go there.
‘Did you see her?’ Mrs Fryer hissed.
‘See who, ma’am?’
