She couldn’t. Because every time she looked at him…
He wasn’t Dominic.
‘It’s not fair of you to ask me to do this,’ she said, the laughter and the craziness of the morning suddenly dissipating as if it had never been. ‘Raoul, this was never in the deal.’
‘You’ve lost a child,’ Henri said on a note of discovery and Jess winced. How…
‘My wife felt like that, too, once,’ Henri said. ‘When our only baby was stillborn. And the Princess Louise…’ He glanced across at Raoul’s mother. ‘When Lisle was born she couldn’t bear to look at little girls who could skip or run or play. It’s a barrier.’
‘What are we talking about?’ Louise said, still confused, but Jess had had enough.
‘It seems Henri’s figured it out. I’ve told Raoul but he doesn’t believe me,’ she said, savagely into the stillness. ‘Raoul, I’ve done the best I can for you all. It’s the best I’m capable of and I can give no more. And now…’ once more she pushed herself to her feet ‘…I need to be alone for a bit,’ she told them. ‘If you’ll excuse me, it’s been a long morning. I need to rest.’
‘Of course, my dear,’ Louise said, immediately contrite. ‘You were only out of bed for the first time yesterday, and now this. Raoul, take Jess to-’
‘I’ll take myself.’ She was sounding ungracious but she couldn’t help herself. She’d reached the end.
‘What are the alpacas’ names?’ Edouard asked into the stillness, and at least here was an easy question.
‘Balthazar and Whatshername.’
‘Balthazar,’ Louise said, and her face turned to Raoul, wondering. ‘You called him Balthazar for Lisle.’
‘Whatshername is a funny name for a baby,’ Edouard said.
‘It’s Australian for I Don’t Know What,’ Henri told him, looking from Raoul to Louise and deciding no one else was going to answer.
Edouard screwed his nose up, disapproving. In his opinion I Don’t Know What was obviously not a fine name.
‘Is it a girl or a boy?’
‘It’s a girl,’ Jess managed.
‘What’s a better Australian name for a baby?’ Edouard demanded.
‘Matilda,’ she told him, and he was pleased to approve.
‘That’s better than I Don’t Know What.’
But Jess was already backing out of the stall door.
‘Jess, let me come with you.’ Raoul glanced uncertainly at his mother-who looked as if she was about to burst into tears-but he rose and made as if to follow. Jess put out a hand in a gesture to stop him. ‘I’ve made a mess of things,’ he told her.
‘You haven’t made a mess of things,’ she told him, as firmly as she was able. ‘You married me as you intended and you’ve made Edouard safe. There was no intention for us to take it further.’
‘But-’
‘I’m not taking it further, Raoul,’ she told him. ‘Get used to it.’
‘Let her go, Raoul,’ Louise told him. ‘Can’t you see that she’s had enough?’
Good call, she thought. She’d definitely had enough.
‘Stay with your family, Raoul,’ she told him. ‘You have lots of things to plan.’ She looked uncertainly down at the twins. ‘I think you also need to find an alpaca expert to tell you the proper way to raise these.’
‘But you-’
‘They’re nothing to do with me now, Raoul,’ she told him, in a voice that was strangely firm in the face of what she was feeling. ‘I’m going home.’
She stayed in her apartment for the rest of the day.
Louise was right when she’d reminded her that she’d not been long out of bed. She’d had six days in bed after the accident. The night before had been her first time out of bed, and her knees were decidedly wobbly.
Everything about her was wobbly. Her head was spinning. Every time she stood up the walls seemed to wobble, and she decided the best thing she could do was bury her head under the pillows and will the world to go away.
Only of course it didn’t. It receded a little but that was all.
Henri appeared with a tray and stayed to make sure she ate her lunch. ‘Because if I don’t, Raoul will, and I have a feeling you need a little time out from His Highness,’ Henri told her. He made no further comment but Jess could see that he understood.
He was a nice old man, she thought as she forced herself to eat her soup and sandwiches. What had he said? He and his wife had lost a baby, too?
There was tragedy everywhere, she thought bleakly. She just had to get home. Get away from it.
Start again?
Her head was spinning. Henri cleared her dishes, she hauled her pillows back into place-and to her surprise, she slept.
It wasn’t just the emotions of the morning. Seven days ago she’d been in a terrible car crash and her body was still demanding recovery time.
She woke and there was another meal tray beside her. This time it had been brought by Louise. She was seated in the armchair by the bed waiting for her…her daughter-in-law, to wake.
‘Raoul wanted to bring you this,’ she said, smiling down at her. ‘But Henri and I have teamed up against him. He’s a very overpowering man, my son.’
‘Very overpowering,’ she agreed. She pushed herself up on the pillows, shoving away the sensation that she was still sleeping. ‘I’m sorry.’ She stared down at the dinner tray in astonishment. ‘Have I slept all afternoon?’
‘We’re having dinner early,’ Louise said apologetically. ‘Raoul’s trying to organise something for this evening. But you certainly have been sleeping. Maybe you needed to.’
‘Maybe I did,’ she said slowly. ‘It was some morning.’
Louise smiled, gently sympathetic. ‘You know, I always wanted a royal wedding,’ she told her. ‘My parents were minor royalty. They’d had a wedding with all the pomp and ceremony possible so it was what I dreamed of, too. Bridesmaids and flower-girls, pageboys, coaches, white horses, heads of state pouring into the country…’ She handed over Jess’s dinner plate and she sighed. ‘When I was seventeen it seemed like a fairy tale, and when the prince proposed I couldn’t believe my luck.’
‘It must have been wonderful,’ Jess said softly and Louise grimaced.
‘It certainly was. A magical wedding. Followed by a nightmare marriage.’ She hesitated. ‘I’m thinking that maybe you and Raoul can have the opposite.’
Jess stilled. ‘Pardon?’
‘You know, he thinks you’re wonderful.’
‘Raoul does?’
‘Of course Raoul does.’
‘There’s no of course about it,’ she muttered, slicing into a piece of steak as though it were Raoul himself. ‘I didn’t know the man until yesterday. Now I’ve married him and he’s calmly suggesting I stay here forever.’ She eyed the piece of steak on her fork and bit. ‘You know,’ she added, addressing the steak, ‘if I agreed to his crazy proposal, I wouldn’t be the least surprised if he stayed playing husband for just as long as it took to get Marcel sorted, and then he disappeared right back to Somalia.’
‘It wouldn’t surprise me either,’ Louise said and once again Jess’s implements stilled.
‘You’re not seriously suggesting I take over here? Princess Regent or somesuch?’
‘You see,’ Louise said-apologetically, ‘I’m not sure what else we can do.’
‘Get on without me,’ she told her. This steak was delicious. If she could stop thinking about marriage-stop thinking about Raoul-she could really enjoy it. ‘Like you all intended to get on without Sarah.’
‘Sarah would have stayed here.’
‘As Edouard’s step-mother? From what I’ve heard about her, I doubt it.’
‘No, it would have been a mess,’ Louise agreed. ‘But if you leave now it’ll be a bigger mess.’
‘I don’t see it.’
‘Raoul doesn’t commit,’ Louise said, almost sadly, and now it was Jess’s turn to sigh. She laid down her cutlery
