‘Go, my Jess,’ he told her. ‘Go and ask Balthazar and Matilda what you should do. But I suspect they’ll tell you… Wrap yourself in love, my heart.’ And then he smiled, his eyes caressing her from the top of her head to the tip of her-bare-toes. ‘But maybe also wrap yourself in something a little more tangible? Like clothes?’
Why did he have to smile like this? It made her heart twist so much it hurt. It made the sane, sensible-grey?- Jessica want to leap right back into bed with him.
She grabbed a towel and she glowered, using her glower to keep him at bay. ‘I have a choice between a wedding dress and a towel,’ she managed, searching for lightness. ‘The men from the ministry will be shocked. But it might give me some peace. I’ll tell them I’m going back to my apartment to find some clothes. They can hardly argue.’
‘And you’ll come straight back to me after your…consultation? Your quiet time with your alpacas?’
‘Y…yes.’
And then she hesitated. If a decision had to be made, then she had to know the facts. ‘They can go home now, anyway, can’t they?’ she asked. ‘The men from the ministry? I’d imagine we’re well and truly compromised.’
His face stilled. ‘We are at that.’
‘Nothing can undo this marriage?’
‘Unless you decide you want out. Jess, you can’t really be thinking…’
‘I don’t know what I’m thinking.’ Her voice was almost a wail. ‘All I know is that I can’t think while I’m staring at you.’
‘Really?’ he said-hopefully-and her heart twisted all over again. All she wanted was to abandon her towel and dive straight back between the sheets. But…
‘I need space. Raoul…’
‘I understand,’ he said gently. ‘I won’t push you any faster than you want to go. You go and talk to your babies.’ He smiled again, a caress all by itself. ‘At least now that you’re gone I have room in this tiny bed to stretch my toes. Oh, and Jess…’
‘Yes?’
‘I think that I love you. I think maybe that I love you forever.’
Forever. The word hung over her head, and it was suddenly terrifying.
She stared at him for a long moment-and then she fled.
She opened the door expecting to run the gauntlet of suits, but the suits were gone. They’d have been thinking this arrangement was ridiculous, she decided, and as soon as it was apparent that she and Raoul really had spent the night together they’d have headed home.
Well, it
But not
The trickle of fear that had crept through her while she lay in the bed was now turning to a flood. She’d been swept away, she thought desperately. She’d fallen for a gentle smile, for a sweet prince, and she’d been seduced into something she’d promised to avoid for the rest of her life.
Loving.
Space. She had to have space.
She had thirty minutes before Claire would be here. Thirty minutes to think.
The palace was deserted. There’d been too much celebrating last night for anyone to be stirring now.
There was no one and no one and no one.
Back in her apartment she showered fast and donned jeans, windcheater and jacket. The morning was cool and no one had lit the fire in her apartment. Well, why would they?
Her suitcase was standing inside the opened wardrobe. Waiting?
She could leave now, she thought. She could meet Claire’s car and she could go. The sensible Jessica Devlin would do just that.
But the sensible Jessica Devlin was having trouble.
She looked at the suitcase for a long minute, trying to let her jumbled thoughts settle.
No.
‘I’ll leave,’ she said, softly to herself. ‘Or…probably I’ll leave. But not like this. I need to talk to Raoul for longer. If…
‘Good. That’s really good,’ she told her suitcase. ‘Maybe I’m being a coward, not giving him that opportunity. Meanwhile you stay where you are.’ And she slammed her wardrobe door on her suitcase before she could change her mind.
Alpacas.
Swiftly she made her way down the back stairs, outside into the cool morning, and across to the stables.
She reached the stable door, and walked through to the alpacas’ stall.
And paused.
Balthazar and Matilda were asleep in the hay, but they weren’t alone.
Edouard was there, too. They formed a confused ball of child and alpaca, three babies curled together for comfort and for warmth.
And there was more.
A mound of bedding had been piled into the corner. Soft blankets and a pile of pillows were mounded in the fresh-smelling hay. Louise was there, curled into sleep, and the strain she’d worn on her face for all the time Jess had known her was gone. She looked years younger, Jess thought. She had her grandson and she could move on.
And Henri… Louise’s butler was asleep beside her, a chivalrous knight guarding his lady at rest.
The royal family of Alp’Azuri.
Jess stood and stared down at them all, and suddenly she was fighting back those stupid tears again. She bit them back with fury. She didn’t cry. She never cried.
She was crying now.
Why?
How many times since Dominic died had she looked at families? At mothers pushing strollers, at fathers with toddlers on their shoulders, families laughing, playing, living. Raoul had this wonderful, loving family. Edouard was safe.
But Dominic wasn’t here, and the thought broke her heart. For if Dominic wasn’t here, what right did she have to stay? It was a betrayal.
She wanted her baby so much it was physical anguish, and he wasn’t here, and how could she be part of any family without him?
The ache in her heart grew heavier, harder, and she backed out of the stables with tears streaming down her face.
Dominic.
The longing for him was so awful that she felt sick.
What was she doing, thinking she could possibly start again? How could she fill her heart with someone who wasn’t Dominic? How could she cuddle Edouard, maybe even start a new little life…?
She couldn’t. The greyness was back with a vengeance. She delved into her jacket pocket to find a handkerchief and her fingers found…
Her passport.
All her documents.
She’d taken them with her yesterday, the morning of her marriage. They were still here.
She stared down at them. Then, below her in the valley, she saw a tiny car, growing bigger as it grew closer.
Claire.
How could she go?
How could she stay?
She couldn’t. She turned back and glanced from where she’d come.
