before. The locals had sheared off the rough bark so it lay now as a huge bench seat almost twenty feet long.
They were the only lov- The only people here tonight. Below lay the lake, and around them lay the entire valley, swathed in moonlight. Up above, there were still people in the pub but the acoustics of the valley meant that sound rose, didn’t fall. They were swathed in silence and in moonlight.
There was nothing to stop secrets being told here. Except reluctance.
Fergus pulled his hand away but it was Ginny who held on as they sat, sensing that if she was gaining strength from this contact then so would he.
‘A daughter?’ she asked softly, guessing, and he nodded.
‘Molly.’
‘Is she with her mother?’
‘She’s dead.’ It was said with flat vehemence, almost shocking in the beauty of the night.
‘Oh, Fergus…’
‘You’re sorry? Everyone’s sorry.’ He pulled his hand from hers, and raked long fingers through his hair in a gesture of weariness. ‘That was uncalled for,’ he told her. ‘I apologise. Of course you’re sorry and it’s not that I mind, but…’
‘I do know,’ she whispered. ‘When Toby died, and then Chris, and then my mum… I thought if anyone else said sorry… When did she die?’
‘Three months ago.’
‘So recently?’ She flinched. ‘Why? How?’
‘Molly had Down’s syndrome. She had a congenital heart defect. We knew from birth that she had a limited time.’
She didn’t say anything. She couldn’t.
‘You didn’t need to be loaded with that,’ he said at last, and she flinched.
‘I walk around in my own little ball of misery and don’t see others. I should see. I’m sorry I didn’t sense this before.’
‘You cope with what you need to cope with,’ he said gently. ‘It’s called triage. You only have so much capacity and that has to be channelled where it’s most needed. There’s no point being sad for me.’ He smiled then and rose, looking down at her with almost a challenge. ‘And it’s not all sad,’ he said. ‘Molly had a great life, even if it was short.’
‘And…your wife?’
His face stilled. Hardened. ‘Remember I told you it is possible to be detached? Katrina took one look at her baby and detached. She didn’t want to be a part of Molly’s life. She walked away. Cut ties. More fool her. If she knew what she missed out on…’
‘But it’s still awful,’ Ginny said hesitantly. ‘When you look at Madison…’
‘Then I see Molly,’ he agreed. ‘Or I see what Molly might have been, if there’d been just one more chromosome.’
‘And you’re in Cradle Lake because?’
‘The hospital where I worked… Molly attended day care there. We lived in a hospital apartment, and when I worked at weekends Molly was there with me. The nursing staff-everyone-loved her almost as much as I did. When Molly died, it was like the whole hospital went into mourning. In the end I needed to get away from everyone else’s grief as well as my own.’
‘So you’ve been flung straight into my tragedy.’
‘I’m not in anyone’s tragedy,’ he said roughly. ‘I’m on the outside, looking in. Which is how I’m facing the world from here on. Which is how I suggest you face it.’
‘But Madison…’
‘Ginny, there are wonderful potential parents out there who are aching to have a little girl like Madison. You know as well as I do how hard it is to find a child to adopt. You also know that you, as her guardian when Richard dies, will have a say in choosing those parents and you’ll have rights to access as she grows up. When Richard dies, you can step away. You know you can. You can live your own life.’
‘I don’t think-’
‘You can,’ he said, softly but strongly. He reached forward suddenly and seized her hands, tugging her to her feet. Standing so she was right before him and he was looking down at her in the moonlight. ‘You’re a woman of strength, Ginny Viental, and you can use your strength to keep yourself independent.’
‘Right. So standing here now, with you holding my hands, looking at me like this, that’d be independent.’
‘I can be independent and still want to kiss you.’
‘Yeah?’
‘Sure,’ he said, and if there was a trace of defiance in his tone, both of them ignored it.
Because…maybe both of them knew it was impossible. Or at the least risky.
But there was suddenly no way that kiss wasn’t going to happen.
He was so big, Ginny thought. So male. So…gentle? Gentle was the wrong word, but it was all she had. He stood looking down at her, smiling quizzically in the moonlight, and it was as if for the first time in her life someone knew her. Someone could see what was underneath the carefully cultivated layers.
But she didn’t feel exposed, because what lay under those layers, the fears and the void of loss, were the same for both of them. This man shared something she’d thought was hers alone.
Trust. The word entered her subconscious and stayed there.
She could trust him because he knew her. And that trust…
Its sweetness was almost a siren song. She gazed up into his face and he looked back and his eyes were gently asking if he could take the next step…
The next step in trust?
To kiss.
She smiled back at him, albeit a shaky smile, a smile full of uncertainty but a smile for all that.
He kissed her.
And her world changed, just like that.
Ginny had dated before. Of course she had. She was almost thirty and she was no innocent. She’d carefully held herself at arm’s length when it came to letting her heart get involved but she enjoyed a great social life.
But she’d never felt…
What?
She didn’t know. It was some indefinable factor, but it slammed into her with such force that it shook her to the core. The moment Fergus’s mouth met hers, it was different in a way she could never have imagined. Could never have dreamt of.
Her heart stopped beating.
What a dumb thought. Of course it didn’t stop. She was a sensible person. She was a doctor. This was the stuff of romance novels. A kiss changing things…
She made to pull back and he released her, his eyes searching her face in the moonlight.
‘You don’t want this?’
‘I… Yes, I do,’ she whispered. ‘Or I think I do. But I don’t do relationships.’ Her voice was almost fearful.
‘Of course you don’t. Wise girl. Neither do I. But kissing…’
‘You know as well as I do that this isn’t going to stop at kissing.’
He stilled. There was a moment’s pause-a regroup. This was the time for them both to pull away. But his hands were holding hers and the feel of his mouth was still on her lips. The taste of him. How could she pull away?
‘You’re a really desirable woman,’ he said, and there was a trace of uncertainty in his voice now. ‘I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want you.’
‘But you don’t do relationships.’
‘No.’ Still there was that uncertainty and it scared her.
‘You promise,’ she said, and her voice was urgent.
The smile came back into his voice then-and into his eyes. They crinkled at the edges, the laughter lurking behind. A big, gentle man who took on the troubles of the world…
‘You’re saying we can make love as long as I agree to take off like a cad at first light.’
‘There’s a lot to be said for cads,’ she whispered, and managed to smile back.
