She cried, and she hugged me and…I…I don’t think she’ll do it again.’ ‘I don’t think she will either,’ Nikki told her, with a small rush of relief. Sandra was talking to her child. The lines of communication were open and, by the sound of it, Karen still considered them friends. Sandra was still only twenty-two and her relationship with her daughter might always be more one of friendship than mother-daughter-but then, that was OK too.
’Can I go home when she’s moved in?’
’Of course you can, sweetheart,’ Nikki assured her, and made herself a promise to contact Sandra the next day. By the look of things the situation was improving rapidly, but it needed to.
It was a long night. Nikki read the girls to sleep, and then went back to her study. Every time a car came up the road she let her book fall as she listened, but it was close to midnight when Luke finally came home. Nikki listened to the brisk tread of steps along the hall and then his bedroom door closing firmly behind him.
She was being shut out. Whatever intimacy had existed between them last night had ceased to exist now.
She prepared herself for bed and climbed between cool sheets in her lonely bed. Last night Luke had been here. Last night…The memory of him was all around her and he was so close…
The night was hot. Above her head the wooden ceiling fan lazily stirred the air but it wasn’t enough. Nikki tossed and turned as she struggled for sleep, but it wasn’t forthcoming.
Finally she could bear it no longer. She slipped out of bed and padded along the bare wooden boards of the hall. Her naked feet made no sound.
There was a light shining underneath Luke’s door. Nikki hesitated for a moment and then, taking a deep breath, softly knocked.
Silence. Had he gone to sleep with the light on? Then, as she turned reluctantly away, afraid to go further, the door opened inwards.
Luke was still fully clothed. He had been working. The desk behind him was strewn with papers, and a pen had been tossed hastily aside. All this Nikki saw before Luke moved to block her view.
‘What is it?’ he asked abruptly, and Nikki flinched.
‘I…I couldn’t sleep.’
He looked down at her for a long moment, his eyes inscrutable as he took in her slim form scantily clad in her wispy cotton nightdress. ‘I dare say you have sleeping-tablets in your bag,’ he said roughly at last.
Nikki drew in her breath. ‘I don’t need a sleepingtablet,’ she managed angrily. ‘I need to talk.’
‘What about?’
‘Luke Marriott, what the hell is going on?’ Despite her struggle for dignity and control, Nikki’s voice rose. Her words echoed down the darkened corridor and instinctively she looked towards the door behind which the children slept. ‘Luke, can I come in?’
‘No.’
‘Why the hell not?’ Suddenly Nikki’s fragile hold on her temper snapped. ‘What are you playing at? Last night you treated me as the most desirable woman you knew and tonight…tonight you don’t even want to talk to me. What have I done to deserve being treated like a one-night stand?’
Her voice was a whisper, intense, angry and wavering. To her fury she felt hot tears slip down her cheeks, and she brushed them away angrily with her hand.
Behind them she heard the sound of a child stir in her sleep and cough. Nikki winced. Luke stood before her, implacable and immovable. Remote.
‘Damn you, Luke Marriott,’ she whispered brokenly, and turned away.
He moved then. In two swift strides he caught her, seized her shoulders and swung her round to face him.
Away from the light of the open door Nikki couldn’t make out his expression. Not that she looked. She was aware that her body was trembling as she tried to stay rigid in his grasp.
‘Hell,’ he muttered savagely.
‘It is,’ Nikki whispered. ‘Maybe you’d better let me go, Luke.’
‘Nikki…’
The child coughed again and Luke swore. Seizing Nikki’s hand, he pulled her forward into his bedroom and closed the door behind him.
Silence stretched out between them. Within the small room, Luke released her. Nikki stood numbly against the closed door, her hand idly rubbing her arm. There would be bruising there where he had pulled her.
‘God, Nikki, I’m sorry.’
The words were wrung from him. Nikki looked up at him, her eyes dull and heavy. ‘For making love to me?’ she asked flatly.
‘I never meant to.’
‘No.’ She kept rubbing her arm as if by doing so she could assuage some of the hurt in her heart. ‘I don’t suppose you did. Charlotte said…’
‘Charlotte?’
‘My friend in Cairns. She said you couldn’t help yourself where…where women were concerned.’
‘God, Nikki, last night was different.’ He turned away, his voice agonised. ‘I’d say that anyway, wouldn’t I?’
‘Yes.’
‘It’s the truth.’ He turned back to her and- grasped her shoulders. ‘It’s the truth but it still can’t make a difference to the final outcome. The truth is that I was mad. I forgot…I don’t want you, Nikki. I don’t want a woman. Not now. Not ever.’
‘That’s not how it felt last night.’
‘No. But last night…last night I was crazy. Just for a little…’
‘You forgot that you can’t father a child?’ Nikki took a deep breath. ‘Is that what it is, Luke?’
‘No. Yes.’ He thrust her back from him. ‘God, Nikki, you’re so lovely. You stand there and all I want to do is make love to you and…’
‘And what?’ Nikki said gently. ‘Luke, you accused me of shutting the world out. Aren’t you doing the same thing?’
‘Leave it, Nikki,’ he said roughly.
‘No.’ Nikki shook her head, her red-gold hair tossing from side to side. ‘You’ve hauled me from my splendid isolation and now…now you’re telling me I’m really alone after all.’
‘You’re not alone. You have your daughter… Beattie…this town…’
‘Oh, yes. That’s not what you said a week ago.’
‘Nikki, it doesn’t matter.’ Luke’s eyes hardened. ‘Whatever I said, whatever I’ve done doesn’t alter the fact that I want no one. I should never have made love to you, because, of course, you want more…’
Nikki’s green eyes flashed. She took a deep breath. ‘You arrogant toad!’ she spat.
‘I meant…’ He rubbed his hand wearily through his hair. ‘Nikki, I didn’t mean that to sound…I just mean that lovemaking implies emotional commitment and I can’t give that. Not now. Not ever.’
‘Not ever’. The phrase echoed harshly around them. Nikki took a ragged breath and leaned against the door. At least he was honest. Last night…Last night she had thought it would be enough. Now…Now she hated his damned honesty.
She hated him. He was avoiding the issue. Running. Just like her father. Just like Scott…
So what was left? Their professional relationship. She could tell him to get out of her house now-or somehow she could act professional. One doctor to another…
‘How was Mrs Birchip?’ she asked suddenly.
‘Mrs Birchip?’ Luke looked blank.
‘The lady you spent the night with.’
‘I beg your pardon?’
‘You did a house call to Verity Birchip,’ Nikki said coldly, striving desperately for a return to normality. ‘And it kept you all night.’
‘Oh.’ Luke’s blank look suddenly faded and he managed a smile. ‘Mrs Birchip thinks she has heredity.’
‘Heredity?’ It was Nikki’s turn to sound blank.
‘She read somewhere that heredity can cause all sorts of problems, so she thinks she’s got it. I suspected a bad cold, but she’s sure it’s heredity.’
‘You know, I wouldn’t be the least bit surprise if she’s right,’ Nikki said slowly. ‘It would explain a lot.’
