‘All our problems would be solved,’ she said bleakly. ‘We’d have a new doctor for Bay Beach. We’d have parents for Robby. End of loneliness for you. Plus a sex life. And you turn the man down!’
‘He didn’t mention a sex life.’ Em said very carefully, staring at her prescription pad rather than at her friend.
That set Lori back.
‘You mean…’
‘I mean, after you left we stayed in exactly the same positions-him on one side of the room and me on the other-while we talked technicalities about how a marriage would work. He thought it was a really sensible business proposition. In fact…’ She took a deep breath. ‘In fact, I think he might even let himself get fond of Robby. But from a distance.
‘He’s not that tough,’ Lori said weakly, but Em bit her lip.
‘He is. He’s been taught the hard way how to be impersonal-tough, as you say-and he’s not about to unlearn it. Just because…’
‘Just because you love him?’
‘Just because I love him.’ Em raised her face and met Lori’s concerned gaze. ‘That’s it in a nutshell, Lori. I love the guy.’
‘And it’d drive you crazy to be married to him when he doesn’t love you.’
‘You do understand,’ Em said gratefully. ‘If Ray didn’t love you…’
‘I’d go quietly insane,’ Lori told her. ‘I didn’t realise until I nearly lost him. That’s one of the reasons I’m here. We’re getting married in a month’s time and I want you as my maid of honour. Will you do it?’
‘Of course I will.’
‘But there’s no chance of you marrying first? Of you being my matron of honour?’
‘Lori, I can’t.’
Lori looked at her friend over her surgery desk and knew that Em spoke the absolute truth.
And she also knew that her friend was breaking her heart.
‘I don’t want him adopted by a single mother.’
It was Robby’s aunt. She was facing Tom and Em in Em’s surgery, and she was angry. ‘What’ll people think? That I let my sister’s kid be adopted by a single mum when I should take care of him myself?’
Tom’s hands clenched on his knees. Em could see them from where she sat. As the director of the children’s homes, Tom was accustomed to all sorts of family dramas, but he still had the ability to be emotionally involved. And who could help being moved by Robby’s situation?
‘Laura, you’re saying you don’t want him, but you also demand that he must stay in Bay Beach and he must be adopted by a married couple?’
‘That’s right.’
‘But he’s badly scarred,’ Tom said gently. ‘There’s ongoing injury. You know that. Robby has years and years of skin grafts ahead of him. He needs constant medical attention. Em wants to give him just that-and a mother’s love as well. I don’t think you’ll find anyone else to take him on. Not with his injuries.’
‘Then he stays in the children’s home,’ Laura said obstinately. ‘You’re not blackmailing me into anything else. I know what my sister would want if she was alive to tell me.’
‘Surely she’d just want someone to love Robby.’
‘But she wouldn’t want the community to say I’d shoved my sister’s kid off onto a single mum. Dr Mainwaring can look after him short term if she likes,’ she added diffidently. ‘I can say it’s a short-term arrangement until he’s better and people will see that it’s sensible. In fact, I don’t care who does the short-term caring as long as he’s treated properly. But no adoption. Unless she’s married. No way!’
‘That short term is likely to become long term,’ Tom warned. ‘Which is unsatisfactory for everybody. Robby needs permanence.’
‘Then find him a family. Here. A family who’ll accept him, injuries and all.’
And that was that.
Em went back to Robby that night, cuddled him to sleep and thought about what she was doing. No adoption…
It meant she could care for Robby for now, but he could be taken from her at any time.
It couldn’t matter. She was all he had, for now.
Bernard was lying at her feet. Amazingly, the big dog lifted his head and stirred his tail, looking up at her with soulful eyes that told her he was missing the noise and excitement of Anna’s kids, and he didn’t understand where they’d gone.
And in the next room Em could hear Jonas moving around, getting ready for bed.
‘We have all the pieces of a jigsaw-puzzle,’ Em told her ancient dog. ‘What we need now is a miracle-worker to put them together. And somehow I don’t think that’s going to happen. Miracle-workers are a bit thin on the ground around here.’
Next door Jonas was telling himself he needed no such thing as a miracle. What more did they need than the elements they had right now?
Em was being pig-headed, he told himself. His vision of their marriage could work for all of them. If only she could forget this stupid need for emotional involvement.
He couldn’t give what he’d never been taught, he thought. He couldn’t give what scared him to admit even existed.
But what was happening now was ridiculous. Holding each other at arm’s length-not being permitted to adopt Robby-it was silly. It was crazy, and it was all because Em had this damned fool idea that she was in love with him.
It was
And he couldn’t go down her road, he told himself over and over. He couldn’t. He wanted this family-he wanted to hold it together and marriage would be the binder-but Em wanted more.
She thought love had to be present to hold them.
Love…
He
He just couldn’t let himself need.
‘You’re a coward, Lunn,’ he said into the darkness-and he knew that he was right.
But there was nothing he could do about it.
Nothing at all.
The medical set-up of Bay Beach was transformed almost overnight. Once set on a course of action, Jonas was determined to see it through, and he almost seemed like a man driven.
OK, Em wouldn’t agree to marrying him, but she sure as heck needed him to stay-as did Anna-and he wouldn’t let them down for want of trying.
So schedules were made up. Surgery equipment ordered. Lou was employed full time to cope with two doctors instead of one, and Amy was given a permanent part-time job as babysitter.
Jonas moved right into the medical scene of Bay Beach as if he was in charge.
Which made Em feel really, really strange.
She should feel resentful that he seemed to be taking charge, she told herself. She should feel as if she was being made redundant.
In truth, she didn’t have a clue how she was supposed to feel. Jonas was one fine surgeon, he wanted to work here and she couldn’t stop him. That’d be crazy.
And to marry him would be crazier still.
Her world was spinning out of control. If Jonas seemed in charge it was just as well, she told herself desperately, because nobody else was!
Anna continued to improve. Em took to popping in on her every couple of days, just to see how she was managing and to check her arm. She was coping fine physically, but Em still wasn’t sure how Anna was
