And it was where he wanted to be. For it was his son held hostage. The concept was so overpowering he didn’t know what to do with it, but all he knew was that he needed to go with her.
The roadblock was half a mile from the hospital, across the beach road. It was mid-afternoon and the heat was getting to him. Lily was lightly dressed but Ben was wearing fatigues, and he was feeling it.
‘Walk on the beach,’ he suggested, and Lily diverted her footsteps without saying a word.
Her silence was starting to scare him. This wasn’t the Lily he remembered. She’d been bright, bubbly, fun and startlingly intelligent. Her professors had described her as smart as paint, and more than one had said it was a shame she wasn’t staying in Australia to specialise. But Australia’s loss would be Kapua’s gain. They had all known that, and she’d never questioned her destiny.
He hadn’t questioned her destiny either.
‘Lily, we need to talk,’ he said as they walked through the fringe of coconut palms to the beach beyond.
‘What good is talking?’ she whispered dully, and he heard how close to breaking point she really was.
‘He’ll be fine, Lily,’ he said softly. ‘The men and women doing the negotiating are the best. We flew them in as soon as we realised how serious the hostage situation was. They’re never going to blast their way in. I’ve watched these people before and seen the way they work. They have all the patience in the world. It might take days but they’ll get them out alive. They know their stuff.’
But Lily had only heard the one word. ‘Days,’ she choked. ‘With those murderers? He’s six years old. What he must be thinking… I should have taken him to Kira’s myself. But the woman I was treating…she’d have bled to death. I couldn’t. Dear God, I couldn’t.’
‘You had medical imperatives,’ he said gently. He’d talked to the finance councillor by now-the woman was recovering in hospital-and he’d seen the wound Lily had somehow pulled together. Lily was right. If she’d taken the time to take care of her son before she’d treated her, the woman would be dead. ‘You saved her life, Lily.’
‘But I should have kept Benjy with me,’ she whispered. ‘He’s my son. I’m all he has.’
‘Doesn’t he have Jacques?’ he asked, and she looked blindly up at him, uncomprehending. ‘Your fiance’s in there as well, isn’t he?’
She steadied a little at that. ‘Jacques,’ she said, and then more strongly, ‘Jacques. Maybe that’s why he’s there. Maybe he went to Jacques.’ But then she shook her head. ‘But he’d have had to come past the hospital to reach Jacques.’
‘Jacques is in administration?’
‘He’s in charge of finance,’ she told him. ‘Oh, we have a finance councillor but Louise isn’t exactly smart. She does what Jacques says. Except for selling oil. Louise dug her heels in over that. So did we all.’ She fell silent. She was trembling, Ben saw, even though the day was hot. She was walking in the damp sand near the water’s edge. Here the water was a turquoise blue, clear to the bottom. Ben could see fish feeding on weed drifting in and out in the shallows. The beach was wide and golden. This place was indeed a tropical paradise. That such tragedy had come to it…
Lily must have been thinking the same. A tremor ran though her, and Ben took her hand.
‘He’ll be OK, Lily.’
‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered.
‘There’s no-’
‘I mean I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Benjy.’
He didn’t answer. He couldn’t.
‘He’s such a…such a…’ She took a deep breath. ‘He’s very much like you. Ben, if anything happens to him and you haven’t met him…’ She hiccuped on a sob and then seemed to regroup. ‘I thought I had the right,’ she told him. ‘I thought… It was me who was pregnant, not you, and I knew you’d be appalled. But seeing you here… He’s your son, Ben, and I should have made the effort. Even if you didn’t want him.’
‘Why would I not want him?’
‘What were we, Ben?’ she demanded, suddenly angry. ‘Babies ourselves. We were young for med school. We were young for life. You were so lit up about joining the army. You were off to save the world. Armies are used for peacekeeping, you told me, but it was excitement that was in your heart. Action. Drama. Sure, you didn’t want to fight, but you did want to go wherever there was action. And me…all I wanted to do was come home. My mother had sold everything she owned to send me to med school, and the islanders helped because everyone here needed a doctor. I was as excited as you were-but I was excited at coming home to help my people.’
‘Did it work out?’ he asked, and she took a deep breath. There wasn’t a trace of colour on her face. She looked sick.
‘I guess it did,’ she said slowly. ‘But there was a cost. My mother died just after I got back. She had cancer. She’d known for two years but she hadn’t told me because she hadn’t wanted to interrupt my studies.’
‘Oh, Lily…’
‘You see, when I found I was pregnant I was just as shocked as you would have been. We were so careful but, then, our lecturers used to say the only sure-fire contraception is a brick wall. We’re proof of that. So what could I do? You’d made it clear you never wanted a family. I couldn’t burden you with one, against your wishes.’ She steadied then, forcing her voice to sound neutral. ‘I had to come home. As it is, I’ve made a life for both of us here. Every islander loves Benjy. Every islander is his uncle or his aunt or his cousin, by traditional ties if not by blood.’
‘And he has Jacques?’
‘He has Jacques,’ she agreed, though it took her time to respond. Her voice was uncertain now, as if he’d touched a nerve.
‘They don’t get on?’
‘Why would you ask me that?’
‘It is my business if he’s my son.’
‘He’s not your son. I won’t burden you with him. He’s-’
‘Lily, I want him to be my son.’ The words surprised them both. They stopped, and a wave, higher than usual, washed in over their feet. Lily’s sandalled toes were washed clean. Ben was wearing tough army boots. The water receded and they hardly looked damp.
It was dumb to be looking at boots, Ben thought. The whole thing was dumb. Maybe Lily was right. Maybe he should back off right now.
But he had a son. By Lily.
And she looked distraught.
He reached out and touched her face. There was a fine coat of dust over everything, courtesy of setting up the field hospital on land where the grass had withered during the dry season. Dust was on Lily’s face, streaked now by tears, and he tracked a tear with his finger.
I wonder what this place is like in the rainy season, he thought inconsequentially.
Lily didn’t move. She submitted to his touch without comment.
‘I think I loved you, Lily,’ he said, and she managed a ghost of a smile.
‘Benjy was conceived in love,’ she whispered. ‘I’ve always believed that.’
‘It’s the truth.’
‘Just lucky we’re older, eh?’ she said, but her voice was strained to breaking point. She brushed his hand from her face, turned determinedly northward again and started walking. ‘Just lucky we’ve found sense.’
‘And you’ve found Jacques.’
‘As you say. Do you have anyone?’
‘No.’
‘You’re still running from relationships?’
‘I don’t run.’
‘No.’ She hesitated, and then glanced sideways at him. Cautious. ‘You’re angry?’
‘Maybe I am.’
‘Because I didn’t tell you about Benjy?
‘Yeah. But maybe you’re right,’ he said bleakly. ‘Maybe seven years ago I wouldn’t have wanted to know. I was dumb.’
‘We were both dumb.’
‘Mmm.’ He kicked some more sand and tried to think of other things besides how close this woman was, and
