‘You’re so done in,’ Ben said ruefully, and he knelt by the bed and touched her cheek with his forefinger. It was like a caress, a gesture of warmth and strength and caring. The feeling was an illusion, she thought, but for now she didn’t care. She’d take her comfort where she could find it.
‘No argument for tonight,’ she whispered.
‘That’s great.’ He sounded relieved.
She thought dreamily, Why was he relieved? As if she could ever argue with him.
But, of course, she could. She must. But not tonight.
‘I’ll argue tomorrow,’ she whispered, and he smiled.
‘It won’t help. But you’re welcome to try. Goodnight, my Lily,’ he said, and he bent suddenly and kissed her, hard on the mouth, as she remembered being kissed all those years ago. She should push him away. She should…
But she didn’t. The kiss lasted for as long as she wanted, a delicious, languorous indulgence in sensual pleasure that surely should have had her running back to her tightly controlled world. Men were dangerous. Ben was dangerous.
But not tonight. Tonight she let him kiss her. She even found the energy to put her arms around his neck, to hold his head in her hands, to deepen the kiss and to take what she needed.
Delicious, languorous pleasure.
She was almost asleep. It had to end, but when it did, when he finally pulled away, her eyes were closing on a lovely dream. Her world was right. Ben was there.
Which was a ridiculous thing to think, but think it she did and it pervaded her dreams. She snuggled against Benjy and she slept as she hadn’t slept for a long, long time.
And kneeling beside her, Ben kept watch over Lily and her son-
CHAPTER SEVEN
SHE woke up and he was gone. For a moment the remnants of her dream stayed with her, making her smile, making her look expectantly to where Ben had been. But, of course, he wasn’t there.
She glanced at her bedside clock-and found it wasn’t there either. Startled, she checked her wristwatch-and yelped.
It was eight-thirty. There was a ward round to be done and…
And things were different. Benjy was awake. She focused on the rest of her bedroom. Benjy had pulled an ancient suitcase from the bottom of the wardrobe. He had a pile of clothes folded beside him and he was calmly assessing each item.
‘Hi,’ she said cautiously, and he turned and smiled at her. It was a great smile. It was a smile she hadn’t seen for too long.
‘Ben came round a while ago,’ Benjy said. ‘When he thought we were asleep he was going to go away again, but I heard him and we had toast together. He said I should start thinking about what I’ll need to take to the farm.’
The farm idea hadn’t been a dream, then. But it might as well be. The idea was crazy.
‘We’ll talk about it after I’m dressed,’ she told him. ‘Benjy, we need to-’
‘Ben says Sam’s doing house calls this morning,’ Benjy told her. ‘And the nice nurse with the funny-coloured hair. Yellow and green. Debbie. Ben said Sam and Debbie are going to sort out all our problems, no sweat.’
‘Did he say that?’ she said, starting for the bathroom. ‘As if he knows.’
‘He says we’re leaving at ten and if we’re not ready he’s going to pick us up and toss us in the helicopter and take us regardless.’ He stared down at two T-shirts. ‘I don’t know what regardless means. Mama, which one should I pack?’
‘Neither.’
‘Don’t you want us to go?’
‘Benjy, we can’t.’
‘There will be horses,’ Benjy whispered. ‘Ben said there will be horses and I can ride one.’
Drat the man. How dared he upset her son?
‘Horses smell. And they kick. Did Ben take away my alarm clock?’
‘Ben’s horses wouldn’t kick and I don’t like your alarm clock.’
‘Neither do I, sweetheart,’ she told him. ‘But it’s all about who I am.’
‘I want a holiday,’ he said, suddenly stubborn. ‘The children in my picture books have holidays. I want one.’
Lily’s resolve faltered. She hesitated and there was a sharp rap on the outside door. It opened before she could respond, and Ben was there, dressed in his camouflage gear again, looking big and tough and dangerous. And smiling.
‘Why are you wearing those clothes?’ she said, trying to sound cross and not breathless. ‘You look like you’re heading into battle.’
‘Believe it or not, I don’t have anything else,’ he told her. ‘I didn’t pop in an extra bag of casual gear.’
‘I like it,’ Benjy announced. ‘I want to wear a uniform like that when I grow up.’
‘No, you don’t,’ Lily told him, but her son looked suddenly mutinous. Uh-oh.
‘What are you doing here?’ she demanded, thinking maybe this was a dangerous conversation to pursue-though concentrating on Ben rather than Benjy seemed even riskier.
‘I came to wake you up,’ he said cheerfully. ‘I didn’t want you to sleep through your holiday.’
‘You took my alarm clock.’
‘Guilty, but it was an entirely altruistic action on my part, as here I am, replacing it. Wouldn’t you rather wake up to me?’
‘No,’ she snapped, but his grin was making her think he had a point. He definitely had a point. ‘Anyway, you make a lousy substitute. My clock was set for six.’
‘A perfectly ridiculous time,’ he told her. ‘For the first day of your holiday.’
‘Ben, I’m not-’
‘Lily, you are,’ he told her, and his smile faded. ‘I meant what I said last night. If you could afford some other way of doing this-of getting away from the island a bit by yourself-and I thought you would, then maybe I wouldn’t be this bossy. But all the islanders agree.’
‘All…’
‘Every single person I’ve talked to,’ he said cheerfully. ‘Bar none. The women want to pack for you but I figured you only needed spare knickers and togs.’
‘Togs?’
‘Swimsuit,’ he said patiently. ‘Honestly, Lily, you spent six years in Australia.’
‘I know what togs are. Ben, I can’t.’
He’d come to the bedroom door but no further, which was just as well. She’d woken some time in the night and had tugged off her pants and bra. She was now wearing a pair of very scanty knickers and a T-shirt that didn’t come down quite far enough.
This man was the father of her child, she told herself, feeling desperate. He knew her so well that appearing before him in knickers and T-shirt shouldn’t worry her.
It did. She wanted all the barricades she could get, and clothing was just the start of it.
‘Lily, you can.’ Still he didn’t move. He’s holding himself back, she thought. He’s feeling the same as I am.
‘Just in case you do want to take more than knickers and togs, Pieter’s wife’s here to help you pack,’ he told her. He turned back and Mary was behind him. She came in now, cautiously, as if she was afraid what she might find, but when she saw Lily in her knickers and T-shirt she smiled, her broad islander face a tonic all on its own.
‘You dress well to greet your visitors,’ she said, and Lily glared at both of them.
‘Mary, tell Ben he has no right ordering me around.’
