‘You know, they’re probably better than Judith’s husband,’ Sue-Ellen told her, and motioned through the glass doors to where a young man sat in the waiting room. He was holding a baby-Thomas? Thomas was asleep in his arms. The young father was staring straight ahead, holding the baby like his life depended on it. He looked grey.
‘He came in looking worse than he looks now,’ Sue-Ellen said sympathetically. ‘I think he’ll have lost ten years of his life on the way here.’
‘That’s the downside of loving,’ Max said, flinching as he watched him, and Maggie cast him a look of reproach.
‘Don’t,’ she said softly. ‘You can’t keep thinking like that.’
‘How can you stop?’
‘You’re not cut out to be an emergency physician, then,’ Sue-Ellen said bluntly. ‘Sometimes I wonder how on earth can I go home at night expecting Bill and the kids to still be there. But amazingly they are. You just have to keep faith.’ She smiled and motioned to Maggie’s bump. ‘Like you. There’s a mound of hope if ever I saw it. Good luck with it. Oh, and, Max, Anton’s been looking for you. Have you had your phone turned off? There’s a crisis upstairs.’ She disappeared, leaving them standing by the admissions desk, expecting them to leave.
He’d have to leave. A crisis. Max swore under his breath. Of course. He’d slipped out to see Maggie during a quiet time. He’d called Anton after the accident saying he’d be longer than expected and it had still been quiet, but peace in his department never lasted long.
Anton needed him? He’d have to go. But what should he do with Maggie?
Maggie was looking through the glass doors that led into a waiting room. She’d be wanting to go and hug the young father, he thought. But then the door to the waiting room swung wide and Mary-the neighbour who’d helped at the scene-and a couple of other people arrived. Grandparents?
In moments the young father was surrounded. Others were doing the hugging, and Maggie was looking almost wistful.
‘I need to go home,’ she said, and suddenly he knew she was fighting not to sound forlorn.
He badly didn’t want her to go back to the hotel by herself. Why had he set up his department so he was indispensable? Of all the stupid…
‘If you wait until I’ve checked with my department I might be able to take you,’ he told her, knowing already how doubtful it was that he could. And maybe she heard it in his voice.
‘A cab’s fine.’ She was still looking through the glass. ‘Oh, I wish there was something I could do.’
‘You’ve done enough,’ Max said. In truth he was having trouble pulling his attention away from the little group as well. They’d come so close to the edge…
He’d been over that edge. So had Maggie. Surely as a professional she knew she needed to protect herself.
But was it possible to protect yourself? He thought he’d built armour that was invincible. Only now…Suddenly he didn’t know where that armour was.
‘I’ll just go talk to them before I go,’ Maggie said, and her eyes were glistening again. ‘But thank you, Max. I mean…just intending to visit was great. Even before the accident. It was very nice of you.’
‘I’ll come back to the hotel after work to make sure you’re okay,’ he growled.
‘I’ll be asleep,’ she said, ‘two minutes after I get home. Of course I’m okay. There’s no need to worry.’
‘There is a need.’ The thought of her going back to her hotel alone seemed unbearable. ‘Maggie, have you arranged for anyone to be with when you go into labour?’
‘I don’t need anyone.’
‘You do need-’
‘No. I’ve learned not to.’
‘I could-’
‘No, because you don’t want to,’ she said bluntly. ‘We both know there’s stuff between us that’s messing with your head.’
‘Maybe my mess is getting clearer. Maybe my head is saying loud and clear that I want to help. Maggie, I want to be involved.’
That gave her pause. She gazed up at him for a long moment and then she shook her head.
‘No,’ she said, and he thought she was trying to sound firm for both of them. ‘Not after today. I just sobbed on you, naked in the shower, and if that didn’t confuse the issue then I don’t know what would.’ She hesitated but then her voice became more certain. ‘Okay, Max, I’ll be honest here and confess that right now I look at you and my knees turn to water. Now, if that’s not a confession to make you run a mile I don’t know what is. But I’m also thinking that maybe it’s my hormones playing tricks. Would any nine-month pregnant woman be hard-wired to latch onto the first available male and cling? I’ve never been pregnant before. I have no idea what’s hormones and what’s not. I only know that this isn’t the time to find out. And I also suspect you don’t ever want to find out. You see that pain?’
She motioned out to the waiting room where the young father sat in a surge of hugs and tears. ‘That’s what I want to be part of,’ she confessed. ‘That’s why I made the decision to have William’s baby. I want to open myself up for all that again. Hurt, grief, but the joy that goes with it. That’s what I want but I don’t think you do.’ She tried to smile, tried to make him smile with her, but he wasn’t smiling. He glanced out at the little family and saw again the grief that he’d sworn never again to endure.
He turned again to Maggie and he knew he was exposed again, like it or not. But they were standing in the middle of the emergency room. The woman behind the admissions desk could probably hear them-he could practically see her ears flapping. In another part of the hospital patients were waiting for him, and he knew they’d be urgent. How could he talk to her now?
He needed time to sort his head out. He needed time to get the words right.
All he could do now was to address immediate need. Which was to keep her safe.
‘Maggie, I will not let you go back to the hotel,’ he said. ‘Let’s find you a bed here until I can take you home.’
‘Are you kidding?’ she demanded, astounded. ‘I’m not staying in hospital.’
‘If you go into labour…’
‘Then I’ll come back. I’m not stupid.’
‘Look,’ he said, and suddenly he was in no man’s land-no longer sure of anything. Reason had gone out the window. He only knew that this woman had changed his world, and to leave her now seemed physically impossible. ‘Maggie, I don’t know what the hell I’m feeling but I can’t let you go home by yourself.’
‘The reluctant martyr,’ she groaned.
‘What?’
And suddenly she was angry. ‘How do you think this makes me feel-that you’re being dragged into my life by your toenails, kicking and screaming. Butt out.’
‘Maggie, I-’
‘I’ve already confessed how I feel,’ she snapped. ‘How much pride have I lost? There’s only one thing you can say after a confession like that and it’s goodbye.’
‘I don’t want to say…’
‘No, and neither do I,’ she confessed, still furious. ‘But we don’t have a choice. Maybe we can think about things after the birth, after I get some normality back into my life. But not now.’
‘You need help.’
‘Stop it,’ she said. ‘Just cut it out or you’ll have me agreeing with you, and how scary’s that?’
‘It’s not in the least scary.’
‘What, to have me clinging to you?’
‘Maggie…’
‘Stop it,’ she ordered. ‘Max, just cut it out and go back to your life. Please.’
‘Do you really want me to?’
‘Of course I don’t, but it’s the only sensible thing to do.’
‘Do you want to be sensible?’
‘No!’ She was practically yelling at him. Patients were looking at them. Staff were looking at them. Maggie glanced around and suddenly she shrugged and a spark of mischief replaced the anger. Mischief and something
