startlingly like her father’s, flickered and focussed slowly.
‘Hey, sweetheart,’ Terri said softly. ‘How are you feeling?’
‘Okay.’ Allie smiled weakly. Her pale skin contrasted with the purple-grey crescents that shadowed her eyes.
As her eyes cleared, she looked around.
‘Your dad will be back in a minute,’ said Terri. ‘He’s been sitting with you since you came in.’
‘I know. I don’t know why,’ she said, her voice filled with pain as she closed her eyes and turned her head away.
Terri blinked and stood lost for words for a long moment. ‘What do you mean, Allie?’
The girl’s mouth trembled. ‘H-he hates me.’
‘Oh, honey-’ Denial sprang to Terri’s lips, her tongue started to form the words. She stopped, stifling the automatic response. Allie believed what she was saying.
‘Can you tell me why you think that?’
Allie flicked her silent sideways glance, her eyes tortured beneath the lake of brimming tears.
‘Your dad’s very worried about you,’ Terri said softly. ‘He loves you very much and he wants to help you. I think he’s sad because he doesn’t know how. Maybe if you talked to him-’
‘You don’t understand.’ The soft tortured words were ripped from a deep anguished place and tears spilled over to stream down Allie’s cheeks. ‘I don’t deserve to be happy.’
‘Oh, Allie.’ Terri reached for the slender shoulders, drawing the crying girl into an embrace. ‘Tell me what you mean, sweetheart.’
Terri rocked her gently and waited.
‘D-Dad was w-with me when Mummy died. It’s m-my fault.’
‘Oh, sweetheart,’ Terri murmured as she rubbed the girl’s back and listened to the story of guilt and anger and unresolved grief that tumbled out. Interspersed with sobs and hiccups, it wasn’t easy to understand, but she didn’t interrupt the flow. Finally, Allie wound down.
‘It’s not your fault that your mum died.’ Terri squeezed her gently, her heart swelling when Allie’s arms crept around her waist and clung. ‘You’re grieving and your thoughts are all jumbled up, aren’t they?’
‘It f-feels bad.’
‘I know, sweetheart. I know.’ She stroked the girl’s hair and pressed her lips to the top of her head. ‘Have you tried to talk to your dad about this at all?’
‘No,’ came the whispered response. ‘I can’t tell him.’
‘He’ll understand, Allie.’
‘He’ll be angry.’
‘Never. He might be sad for not seeing why you’ve been so unhappy. But he’d never be angry with you for the way you’re feeling now.’
Eyes framed by spiky drenched lashes lifted to cling to hers. Panic and a tiny growing spark of hope swam in the blue depths.
‘Your dad will be back in a few minutes. What say we tell him together then?”
‘Y-you’ll help?’
‘Of course. In the meantime, how about I check you over? Sit forward for me so I can listen to your chest.’ Terri recorded Allie’s obs while she kept up a steady stream of chatter and questions to keep the girl’s mind occupied.
Terri knew the moment Luke slipped quietly into the room. All her senses quivered with awareness. ‘Here’s your dad now.’
Allie’s smile dimmed and Terri suppressed a sigh. She waited until Luke was standing on the other side of the bed. ‘Allie told me some things she’s been worrying about, Luke. She’s going to be very brave and tell you about them.’
‘Allie, that’s great, sweetheart,’ he said softly.
‘Allie?’ Terri prompted after a pause.
The girl plucked at the sheet, her eyes averted. Luke’s eyes filled with baffled hunger as they settled on his daughter.
The silence felt thick with accusation. Terri’s stomach clenched painfully. In her eagerness to help, had she made a monumental error? Would professional counselling have been the wiser course?
But she was so sure they didn’t need an intermediary; they just needed to start. Terri bit her lip as she debated what to do next. Her instincts told her it would be better if Allie could tell her father herself. Much more therapeutic. But perhaps the stress was too much for the child.
‘Allie, darling…I know you’re unhappy.’ Luke’s voice was gentle and coaxing. ‘I know it’s not easy but I want you to know that you can tell me anything, anything at all. I won’t be cross with you.’
Terri’s throat blocked with tears and pride for the man as he tried to connect with his daughter. His words were just right. So honest and brave and perceptive. No defences. No armour. He’d lost people close to him and yet he was still prepared to put his feelings on the line for those he loved.
Perhaps this was a lesson she needed to learn. She’d thought she’d lost her physical courage in the landmine explosion. But maybe she’d never had what really counted-the raw emotional courage she was witnessing now between father and daughter.
Allie’s head stayed bowed, her shoulders rounded.
Luke’s eyes were soft with hope and love. ‘I promise I’ll listen and between us we’ll try to find a compromise.’
There was a long tense silence. Terri held her breath and willed Allie to answer.
Luke glanced up and she gave him a tiny nod of encouragement. His throat moved as he swallowed, then he looked back at the top of his daughter’s head.
‘And even if I can’t make it better,’ he said, ‘I will always love you, Allie.’
‘How can you?’ The girl sucked in a slightly wheezy breath, her arms wrapping tightly around her thin body. Terri’s heart ached at the sight of the defensive movement. Then, in a tiny, unsteady voice, the girl said, ‘Mummy died because of me.’
‘No!’ The last vestige of colour drained from Luke’s face. He laid his arm on Allie’s shoulder. ‘No, baby.’
‘Yes!’ she whispered.
‘Oh, Allie.’ His face twisted. ‘Why, sweetheart? Why do you think that?’
‘You could have fixed her b-but you were looking after me so she d-died.’ Tears streamed down Allie’s flushed cheeks and her words came out haltingly between spasmodic sobs. ‘She’d still be alive if it w-wasn’t for me.’
‘No, Allie. I’m sorry.’ Luke could hardly get the words out through the constriction in his throat. Why hadn’t he intuitively understood the cause of his daughter’s anguish? He was her father, for God’s sake. ‘I wouldn’t have been able to fix your mum.’
‘B-but I get sick,’ she said. ‘You always f-fix me.’
‘Sweetheart, your mum’s sickness was different. The cells in her blood multiplied and multiplied and we couldn’t find a way to stop them.’ He sat on the edge of her bed, wanting to gather her into his arms but not wanting to push while she was so defensive. ‘I’m sorry, Allie. I didn’t realise you were feeling this way. I let you down.’
‘No.’ With a choked cry, Allie suddenly launched herself at him. He hugged her close, her thin arms wrapped around his neck tightly. The frail body against his shook with great sobbing shudders.
He breathed deep. His child, his baby, had thrown herself into his arms. The stamp of this small person’s scent affixed itself on his soul all over again.
It had all been made possible by one extraordinary woman.
He lifted his head in time to see Terri swiping her hands across her cheeks as she turned to leave.
‘Terri?’
She hesitated a moment then lifted brimming eyes to meet his. His chest swelled at the unsteady smile she gave him. He owed this woman more than he could ever repay. He wished he could reach out and draw her into the circle of his embrace with Allie.
‘Thank you,’ he murmured.
She nodded, nudging a box of tissues along the bedside dresser until it was within easy reach for him. ‘I’ll let
