And it was torture.
She wasn’t entitled to his good opinion. He still didn’t know everything.
She swallowed and gathered the courage to let go the next piece of poison. ‘I was leaving him, Luke. My marriage was over. I c-couldn’t be the person he needed me to be. I failed him. I f-failed…I failed.’ The words to make him understand the rest choked in her throat.
‘No, you didn’t. Marriages don’t always work, sweetheart. It’s sad but it’s life.’
He thought she’d finished but she hadn’t. She couldn’t bring herself to tell him the worst. She’d failed again. She was a coward.
His warm hand cupped her neck, the fingers stroking her sensitive skin gently. She stood passively in his arms, her attention on each delicate movement, storing the sensory memories for the future.
‘What’s so bloody unfair for you is the way you lost Peter and the timing. But it’s not your fault, Terri.’
‘Don’t.’ She squeezed her eyes shut as a hot lump in her throat threatened.
‘Don’t what?’
‘Just don’t.’ She turned her head, pressed her hot face into the cool skin of his neck, feeling the steady bump of his carotid pulse against her forehead.
He shifted and her awareness of the hard body clasping hers changed abruptly. Her pulse sped up.
She should pull back…started to move. His head bent slightly and his breath whispered across her cheek. If she tipped her head a little and reached up, she’d be able to press her mouth to his.
It wouldn’t be right to take more than the comfort he’d given so generously, especially when she had so little to offer in return.
But suddenly she didn’t care. She wanted something for herself. A kiss, his kiss. Whatever he was prepared to give her in this moment. She wanted to feel desirable again, to remind herself how that felt.
She tilted her chin, but still he didn’t move. Another millimetre nearer and still he waited with infinite patience. Each beat of her pulse pushed her a little closer.
And then the perfect, heart-stopping moment when her lips touched his.
Just the gentlest caress, the barest pressure. Exquisite. His mouth moved on hers, rubbing, nibbling, until the nerve endings in the sensitive skin were alive.
A gift to herself. The beauty of it held her enthralled. She whimpered when he pulled back. Not enough. More. She wanted more.
His hand lifted to tidy a strand of her hair. She suppressed a gasp as he tucked it behind her ear. As his fingers touched the rim, she could feel the tremor in them. Her heart squeezed painfully.
His hand dropped back to her shoulder and after a moment he said, ‘I should go.’
‘Should you?’
‘Oh, God. Terri.’ With his forehead resting on hers, he rubbed his hands slowly up and down her arms. ‘This is too important for us to rush. I don’t want you to do anything that you’ll regret.’
‘I won’t. I wouldn’t be.’
He pulled back and looked down at her. His throat moved in audible swallow and then he smiled. ‘Don’t tempt me,’ he said with mock severity. ‘I’m trying to do the right thing here.’
‘I know.’ If she pushed him now, he would give her what she wanted-sweet relief from the thoughts in her head. He was as vulnerable to the chemistry between them as she was. But she couldn’t do it, he deserved more.
‘We need to talk some more before we go any further.’
‘Luke…’ She suppressed a sigh. ‘You can’t solve everything by talking about it.’
He cocked his head, his smile teasing. ‘Is this the same woman who solved my problems with my daughter by getting us talking?’
‘That was different.’
‘In some ways. We do have to talk and we will, but not now.’ He pressed a quick kiss to her forehead and stepped away from her. ‘Sleep well, darling.’
‘Yes,’ she said, knowing she wouldn’t. ‘Thank you.’
‘My pleasure.’ He reached out again and stroked his fingers down her cheek as if he couldn’t resist touching one more time. ‘See you tomorrow.’
‘Sure. Tomorrow.’ Terri watched him go, knowing it was for the best. Much as she ached for his embrace, he was right. She should be grateful he’d decided to leave before she did something they’d both be sorry for.
She wondered what he’d have done if she’d begged him to take her to bed. If she’d begged him to help her forget for a whole night. Not just the precious minutes when his kindness, his touch, his kiss had given her respite from her pain.
She’d wanted to be selfish. To beg, cajole, humiliate herself, until he gave her more. Until he gave her everything.
Her marriage had been far from a meeting of soul-mates. Friendship with Luke was richer and more fulfilling than all the sacred vows she’d taken with Peter. Too valuable to risk on the fleeting satisfaction of something more physical.
Besides…Luke was her boss, her colleague. And most importantly, Luke was a father with a daughter who needed him very much right now.
Terri took a deep breath and faced the truth. The last thing Luke needed was someone as broken as she was, clinging and demanding his time and attention.
Luke jammed his hands into his jeans pockets and took a deep lungful of air. The sweet smell of freshly mown grass mingled with the damp of the evening, helping to soothe his frazzled nerves. Leaving Terri was torment. But if he was to have any integrity at all, he had to.
He blew out a long breath.
She’d opened up to him, told him things that made his gut ache with the agony of them. He’d held her slender frame, felt the silent bottled-up grief in her trembling body, and he’d wanted to weep for her. Regardless of the state of her marriage, having Peter ripped from her life like that was a tragedy almost beyond comprehension.
Any hopes, any dreams, any chance of reconciliation had been lost in an instant. Cruel, senseless, irrevocable.
He was almost sure there was more. But why hadn’t she told him? She was a very private person. Perhaps telling him as much as she had was all she could handle to start with. He could respect that and when she was ready to tell him more, he’d be there for her.
They’d made a start and he’d been content with that…
Then his altruism had evaporated and he’d wanted everything a red-blooded man wanted from a beautiful woman.
He’d wanted to break all his self-imposed rules.
He wasn’t proud of himself. Knowing that, given the tiniest bit more encouragement, he’d have taken shameful advantage of a grief-stricken widow.
He’d nearly been unmanned when she’d looked up at him with her big brown eyes. She’d seen worse things than he could imagine. He’d wanted to take away her pain and heartbreak. To hold her, kiss her, touch her.
But he knew it wasn’t that simple and, rather than risk the small progress they’d made, he’d chosen caution. It had taken all his strength to let her go, do the honourable thing. He didn’t want her to do anything she’d regret. Their relationship was new, complex and far too fragile for a quick tumble into bed.
Why, then, did he have the nagging feeling that he’d let her down tonight?
His restraint hadn’t been what she’d wanted, but he knew it was what she needed. Could she have read his retreat as rejection?
His footsteps slowed. He could go back, explain he wanted her more than life itself. Explain he wanted them to get it right, that it was too important for a quick grab at gratification.
Undecided, he stood looking at the cottage then with a small sigh he reluctantly turned for home. Going back now wouldn’t be a good idea.
He’d make sure they talk again soon.
He’d make sure she understood how much he wanted her.
