3. When you don't know what to do, seek advice from your father. . even if he's two candles short of a menorah.
4. If you're going to all the trouble to make a fool of yourself, be sure to have plenty of witnesses.
5. When a woman is quiet and reflective, rather than combative and quarrelsome, watch out. She's likely picturing the bathroom without your boxers hanging on the showerhead.
6. A creative lawyer considers a judge's order a mere suggestion.
7. When you run across a naked woman, act as if you've seen one before.
8. Love is chemistry and mystery, not logic and reason.
9. Q: What do you call a judge who is old, cantankerous, and flatulent?
A: 'Your Honor.'
10. You won't find it in Darwin, Deuteronomy, or Doonesbury, but it's an essential truth of human nature: we'll all kill to protect those we love.
11. I won't lie to a lawyer's face or stab him in the back, but if I have the chance, I'll look him in the eye and kick him in the
12. When you cut through all the bullshit of career, status, and money, at the end of the day all that matters is love and family.
