would move added a little touch of sacrifice. Playing the kid card was good, too. Easy enough now that she was staying.
“No,” she said and started for the house.
“What?” He came after her. “Why not?”
She paused by the back porch and looked at him. “I don’t believe you. Oh, I think you want to marry me. It makes everything tidy. Besides, I’m the mother of your child and it’s the right thing to do. But love? You never loved me. Not then, not now.”
She drew her gardening gloves from her pocket and squeezed them in her hand. “You haven’t loved anyone outside of your family. I’m not sure why that is. If you’re afraid to care that much or if there’s no need. You’ve always been blessed with everything you want. Even now, you’re getting your son with very little effort on your part.”
“Is that what this is about? I haven’t suffered enough?”
“No. It’s about risking everything. Putting your heart on the line, even when you don’t know what’s going to happen. It’s risking having the person you love rip it out and stomp all over it in public.”
“You’re never going to let that go, are you?”
“I loved you, Ethan. I gave you everything I had. Not just my heart and my soul, but my body. I’d spent years being called a whore and being propositioned and lied about, so I protected myself. I didn’t care about anyone. Until you. I was a virgin and you called me a slut in front of your friends. You said I wasn’t worthy.”
“I know. I’m the one who wasn’t worthy. I never have been.”
Hearing that didn’t make her feel any better. “It doesn’t matter now. I’m letting the past go. This is the last time we’ll talk about it. I loved you then and I still love you. But I won’t marry you. I won’t be one more thing you got right. We’ll raise Tyler together, in this town. That’s going to have to be enough.”
She walked up the steps to the porch, crossed the refinished wood and stepped into the house.
For a second she allowed herself to hope. To believe that he would come after her, tell her that she was wrong. That of course he loved her. He’d always loved her. He would beg and plead and she would allow herself to be convinced because that’s all it would take. A little effort on his part.
But there was nothing. Finally she turned around and he was gone.
CHAPTER TWENTY
“HOW DRUNK DO YOU WANT TO get?” Raoul asked as he poured another Scotch and handed it to Ethan.
“I’ll let you know when I’ve had enough.”
“Not a great plan,” Josh told him from his place on the opposite sofa. “You’re already going to feel plenty of pain in the morning.”
The three men were sprawled in Ethan’s living room. It wasn’t even dark and they were already plastered. At least Ethan was-he couldn’t speak for his friends. They were probably being more careful.
As for a hangover, bring it on. Maybe a pounding head would help him forget what Liz had said to him that morning.
“She doesn’t believe I love her,” he mumbled into his drink.
“Liz Sutton,” Josh said to Raoul. “It’s a long story.”
“Not long,” Ethan replied. “I got her pregnant, turned my back on her and didn’t love her enough.” He frowned. “I didn’t know she was pregnant. If I’d known, I woulda married her. Which makes me the bad guy. Doing the right thing is wrong. You two know that?”
“She’s not mad because you would have married her,” Josh explained.
“Then why?”
His friend shifted on the sofa. “Women are complicated.”
“She said I don’t love her. I do. Always did. I never saw that before.” He gulped more Scotch. “There was always something about her.”
“What did you say?” Raoul asked. “When you said you loved her?”
Ethan squinted at the other man, trying to bring him into focus. “I said I loved her. That I wanted to marry her and it wasn’t because it was prac…” He cleared his throat. “Practical.”
“When did you say it was practical?” Josh asked.
Ethan waved. “You know. Before.”
“Before what?”
“The lasht time I proposed.” Was it him or did his words sound funny? “Before I knew I loved her. Said we should get married because it’s the right thing to do.”
His face had gone numb, he thought, poking his cheek a few times. And his brain felt boiled. Or was it pickled? Maybe it was pickled.
“Keep her in town. With the kids. So I could be with Tyler.”
“You are so screwed,” Josh said conversationally. “You shouldn’t have said that.”
“Maybe not. But I love her and she doesn’t care. How can she not care?”
“Maybe she cares too much,” Raoul told him. “You’ve been acting like a jerk for a while now. What if she’s loved you all along? She’s been waiting for you to notice and instead you offered a business arrangement.”
“And took her kid from her,” Josh added.
“Didn’t
His fingers relaxed on the glass. He heard someone get up suddenly and then the glass was gone.
“You’re about ready to pass out,” Raoul said.
“Gotta talk to Liz.”
“You need to give Liz some time,” Josh told him. “And you need a plan. You’ve blown it from the beginning. You need to make a big gesture.”
“Liz isn’t the big gesture type,” Ethan mumbled, feeling himself start to drift. “I think she wants to be left alone. I should give her what she wants.”
“The woman wants to be swept away,” Raoul corrected him. “I know about these things.”
“Not Liz.”
There was the pain the other men had promised, but it wasn’t from the alcohol. Instead it came from his heart-in knowing he could never have Liz. Maybe there’d been a chance, but he’d blown it too many times.
She’d said she loved him. That was nice of her. Kind. He would hold onto those words always, knowing that if he’d been smarter… If he’d understood more sooner, he could have had her.
“Love Liz,” he mumbled.
“We got that,” Josh said. “You should tell her.”
“Too late. Way too late.”
And then the world went dark.
LIZ CLOSED UP HER HOUSE IN San Francisco quicker than she would have thought. She ended up leaving all three kids with Denise. For some reason she’d been unable to get Ethan on the phone later that Sunday. Denise had said everything was fine, but wouldn’t go into details.
After making the drive to the beautiful city by the bay, she’d spent two days with Peggy, sorting through the items she and Tyler would need in the next couple of months and what they could live without.
The must-have items were packed up and marked for the shipping company to pick up at the end of the week. Peggy would arrange for movers to take care of the rest.
Selling the house proved to be beyond easy. Liz had called a friend who was in real estate. Heidi had admitted that she and her husband had always loved the house, had decided to start a family and were desperate to get out of their apartment. Negotiations took less than an hour, the inspection was on Tuesday and by Wednesday morning, they were in escrow for a quick close. Peggy planned to come to Fool’s Gold the week after Labor Day, to see if she wanted to move there.
