regrets were rarely about things she said. Her regrets came from opportunities missed. Things she
She wanted to change that. She wanted to grab on with both hands. The only problem was she wasn’t sure what to grab for. Happiness, Kiki had said. What would make her happy? Was it finally her turn, or was the voice right? Would she die waiting for her turn? Was it time to make things happen?
The house came into view. Funny, as beautiful as the three-story structure was, she had no desire to take pictures of it. At first she wasn’t sure why, then she realized she already knew this building inside and out. An image of it lived in her heart. She didn’t need a static photograph to remind her of home.
That night, after putting Christie into bed and reading her a story, Erin went to find Parker. She went down to the second floor and saw a light shining from his office. After crossing the landing, she paused in the hallway. He was in front of his computer, obviously deeply involved in his program.
She stepped inside the room and quietly made her way to the window seat. She hadn’t spent much time in here. She wasn’t sure why. Maybe because she knew he’d once worked here with Robin and she didn’t want to encounter any ghosts.
Tonight she didn’t feel any strange presence, so she settled on the cushion and waited for Parker to notice her.
The office was large, with high ceilings and a wall full of windows. Blinds had been pulled open to allow in the light, and he didn’t bother to lower them at night. Erin realized this room faced the ocean. There was no one to look in and disturb his privacy.
His computer desk took up about a quarter of the space at one end of the room. Books and papers were piled high on every available surface, and formed teetering stacks on the floor. The steady clicking of his fingers on the keyboard provided a rhythmic counterpoint to the faint rumble of the surf below.
Dark hair fell over his forehead. He brushed it away, absently. His gaze was focused and intense, his mouth a straight line. He wore a T-shirt over jeans and his feet were bare. Even his watch was an inexpensive sports model available at any department store. Nothing about Parker Hamiliton indicated that he was worth millions.
Nearly a half hour passed before he glanced up and saw her. He blinked. “Erin?”
“Hi.”
“Have you been sitting there long?”
She stood and stretched, then settled back on the window seat. “Not very. How’s it going?” She motioned to the computer.
“Great. I’m sorry. You should have said something.”
“I didn’t mind. I like watching you work. It’s very intense.”
He grinned. “I get completely involved in what I’m doing. With my luck I probably drool or something.”
She laughed. “You were fine. You don’t even squint.”
His smile faded. “Is everything all right? Christie-”
“Christie’s fine, too. She’s already asleep. I wanted to talk to you for a minute, if you have time.”
“Sure.” He clicked a couple of keys, then angled his chair toward her. He stretched out long, lean legs and leaned back. “I’m listening.”
What had seemed so simple just a short time ago suddenly became awkward. She fumbled for words, wanting to find the right ones. When they didn’t appear, she settled on just being honest.
“I’m sorry for what I said last night,” she told him. “I was a little hurt and angry that you were so involved with work, but I didn’t feel I had the right to complain about that. So I got analytical instead. Feel free to ignore my pop psychology. I’m hardly an expert. It’s not my place to say those things about your relationship with Robin. I hope you can forgive me.”
“Already done.” His eyes darkened. “You were right about everything, you know.”
“No, I wasn’t. I was lashing out.” Fighting the truth and trying not to be hurt because she loved him and he wasn’t interested in her feelings.
“Then you have good instincts.” He shrugged. “I’ve been thinking about what you said. About holding back. I don’t want that to happen with Christie.”
“It won’t. You’re a terrific father. She adores you.”
He rubbed his temple as if he were developing a headache. “Adoration is for rock stars. I want to be a part of her life. But sometimes the responsibility terrifies me. I don’t want to do something stupid and mess her up. I have this vision of her twenty years from now, paying a therapist a hundred dollars an hour and it’s all because of me.”
Erin laughed. “Then make sure you give her a big enough allowance so she can pay for it.”
“You’re not helping.”
She stared at him, at his handsome features, at the concern obvious in his expression. “I know it didn’t work out between you and Stacey. Her imagination created a relationship where one didn’t exist at all. But she had good instincts, too.”
“What do you mean?”
“She picked you to fall in love with, Parker. You’re going to do fine with Christie. You’ll learn as you go, like the rest of us parents.”
“You’ve had a head start on me.”
“You’ll catch up.”
He didn’t respond. Instead he stood and crossed the room to the window seat. He sat next to her and took her hand in his. His fingers were warm and strong. He rubbed his thumb across her palm. She sensed he meant the gesture to be friendly, even comforting, but she found it arousing. Heat skittered up her arm to settle in her breasts and between her thighs.
“I’m sorry about all you lost. All I took from you,” he said.
“What are you talking about?”
“Stacey.”
“We’ve been through this. It wasn’t about you at all.”
“If she hadn’t gotten pregnant, she wouldn’t be dead.” His pain radiated as if it were heat. His gaze met hers. “You have every right to hate me for that. She was your sister. Your twin. That bond, I-” He shook his head. “You still miss her. I hate myself for what I’ve done to you and Christie.”
“Parker, no. Never. Don’t hate yourself. I don’t hate you or blame you.”
“You should.”
She turned toward him and squeezed his hand. “I’ll admit you should have acted more responsibly that night. It was wrong to make love with my sister. But it was nothing more than a mistake. You didn’t set out to hurt her.”
“But I did and she died.”
Erin leaned close. “I refuse to let you wish that night away. I can’t imagine what my life would be like then. Don’t you see? Without that night, without that mistake, there would be no Christie. That’s what you gave me. I’ll always miss my sister. You’re right, we did share a unique bond and part of me always feels her loss. But I’ve gained this beautiful loving child. That was Stacey’s last gift to me. Christie is a part of my sister and I won’t ever regret having her in my life.”
He put his arms around her and drew her close. “I don’t deserve you. Most people would want me drawn and quartered for what I did.”
“Then most people are wrong.”
She leaned against his chest and inhaled the scent of him. His embrace made her feel safe and secure. She wanted to stay here forever. She could hear the steady beating of his heart. For a moment she was tempted to raise her head and kiss him. He would respond. They could share the night, join their bodies, experience paradise in each other’s arms.
But in the morning he would walk away and she would be the one left with a broken heart.
He brushed her hair off her face and tucked it behind her ear. “Christie spent some time with me today,” he said. “We were using a couple of new programs for kids. I’ve been thinking of some educational software modifications I’d like to make for her. She’s very bright.”
Erin smiled. “What else would she be? Look at her parents.”
“I guess you’re right. It’s interesting that you don’t share Stacey’s interest in computers.”
