Full-Time Father

mouth and kissed them. The soft touch burned, but not as hotly as her words. That simple sentence had seared a path to his soul.

“Erin?”

She sighed. “I know you don’t want me to feel that way about you, and I won’t-tomorrow. But for tonight, accept my heart and my body. Let me love you and pretend that you love me back.”

He pulled his hands free and leaned toward her. He gripped her shoulders. “What are you saying?”

Her smile was pure surrender. She reached for the buttons on his shirt and unfastened them. “Make love to me.”

A gentleman would have refused her, but he had always known he was a bastard. Desire raced through him, boiling his blood and pooling in his groin. Questions swirled through his mind. She spoke of love. It couldn’t be true. She couldn’t love him. He didn’t deserve it. Except maybe for tonight. While it was dark out and nothing was real, he could accept her gift.

As he pulled her to him, she came willingly, molding herself to him, wrapping her arms around him and pressing her lips to his. The hunger was instant. He tasted her sweetness and wondered how he’d survived this long without her.

“I’ve missed you,” he murmured against her mouth.

Her tongue touched his and she groaned. “Me, too. More than you can imagine.”

She pulled his shirt free and touched his chest. He tensed with pleasure as her fingers traced circles on his skin. His muscles rippled, his erection throbbed. He wanted to be in her, touching her everywhere.

He buried his hands in her hair and angled his mouth more firmly on hers. He plunged inside, exploring her, recalling the pleasure he’d found here before. He kissed her until she was trembling. Only then did he reach for the zipper at the back of her short-sleeve dress.

It lowered easily. While he traced a damp path along her jaw, he drew the dress down her arms. The fabric pooled at her knees. He urged her to stand. She rose awkwardly, her thighs shaking. She wore nothing but panties and a bra, pale peach against her honey tanned skin.

Her stomach was at his eye level. He leaned forward and kissed the smooth, flat skin. She sucked in a breath and balanced herself with her hands on his shoulders. He moved lower, kissing and licking until he reached the lace panties, then he slipped down to her guarded secrets and breathed in the scent of her.

She exhaled his name. Her fingers kneaded his muscles. She vibrated with desire and that aroused him more. He liked her that way. He liked knowing he could reduce her to mindlessness with just his touch.

He looped his fingers under the elastic around her thighs and tugged the triangle of lace free. She stepped out of the panties and shifted, parting her legs slightly. He dipped one finger into her curls. Moist heat enveloped him. Slick skin beckoned. Gently, carefully, he opened her, exposing the tiny place of pleasure. He leaned forward and touched his tongue to her. She jumped.

He stroked her, tasted her, loved her until she was shaking too much to stand. When she collapsed, he carried her to the bed and placed her on the spread. He removed her bra. She was flushed and panting. Her nipples stood at sharp attention, her fingers curled into her palms.

Parker quickly tugged off his shirt, then reached for the button fly of his jeans. Rational thoughts intruded.

“Tell me you have protection up here,” he said.

She raised her head and focused on him. “What? Oh, no, I don’t. I didn’t think-”

He gave her a quick kiss. “I’ll go get some downstairs. Save my place.” He started for the door.

“Parker, wait.” She rolled toward the nightstand and pulled open the top drawer. “Kiki is very thorough. She might have…Oh, my. I guess she did.” She held up a small box of condoms. “Thank goodness it’s not the jumbo-size container.”

He took them from her and grinned. “Not a multicolored fluorescent one in the bunch.”

“Gee, that’s too bad. I kind of liked it with the lights out.”

He dropped the box on the bed and swooped down to pull her into his arms. “Figures. Next you’ll be wanting me to wear an animal print G-string.”

He rolled onto his back, pulling her on top of him. She straddled him and winked. “Only if it’s a leopard print. That’s my favorite.”

As she laughed, her breasts bounced. He caught his breath at the sight, then reached up to cup her fullness. “Erin, you don’t know what you do to me.”

She arched her head back and moaned as his fingers found her taut nipples. “I have a good idea.” She rocked her hips against him, arousing him to the point of pain.

When they both couldn’t stand it anymore, he pulled off the rest of his clothing and quickly put on the protection. Then she was under him, her legs spread in welcome, her eyes closed, her face flushed. As he entered her, he reached between them and found her place of desire. He rubbed his thumb in time with his thrusts. In a matter of seconds, she was straining against him, then she convulsed into release. Her tight muscles contracted around him, plunging him into ecstasy, bonding him to her as surely as if they’d been handcuffed together.

Erin woke sometime after midnight. She didn’t bother looking at the clock. Time wasn’t important. Her body ached pleasantly from their lovemaking. After the first time, Parker had explored her with his mouth, then she had done the same to him. Now, in the darkness, she could see the faint outline of him next to her under the covers. She could feel his heat and hear his breathing. Her heart swelled.

“If you knew how much I loved you, you would be terrified,” she whispered. “Thank you for tonight. I’ll treasure it always.”

Then she slid out of bed and crossed to the closet. After slipping into her robe, she walked quietly out of the room and across the hall to check on Christie.

Laverne raised her head as she came into the room, stretched, then curled back up and closed her eyes. Erin petted the little dog. At last Christie had her pet. She leaned over and watched her daughter sleep. There was no sign of pain. She adjusted the pillow under the girl’s broken arm, then returned to her own room.

Parker slept on, unaware that she was awake. She studied him as she’d studied Christie, but instead of contentment, she felt confusion.

What happened now? The night was safe, but soon it would be morning. Would he be angry that she’d admitted loving him? Would he feel an obligation? Even if he simply accepted what had occurred, could they go back to being just friends? Could she?

I want more. The voice in her head was very clear. She wanted it all. She wanted to be his best friend and his lover. She wanted to stay with him. She wanted more than a part-time arrangement, or temporary cohabitation because they shared responsibility for a child.

She reached out her hand and grasped thin air. Her dreams had eluded her for years.

Another voice filled her head, this one harsh and mocking. You’ll die waiting for your turn.

Was it true? Would she die waiting for her turn? Waiting had always been her pattern. She closed her eyes against the questions, but that only increased their intensity. She walked to the chair by the window and sat down. Scenes from her past filtered through her mind, long-forgotten memories, snippets of conversation.

Stacey demanding, Erin waiting. High school when they’d both wanted a new dress and there had only been money for one. Or two if they’d sewn them themselves. But Stacey hadn’t wanted to sew hers and Erin had agreed. After Christie was born, withdrawing her application to graduate school. Parker asking why she needed a degree to take pictures. Her guidance counselor telling her teaching was a “safe” profession.

Stalling. Settling. Selling out. Being afraid to try for her dream. Being afraid to fail.

The truth was sharp and ugly. She’d always avoided what she wanted for fear of not being good enough. She’d used her responsibilities to hide from her dreams. If Christie hadn’t come along she probably would have found another way to avoid what she loved most-taking photographs.

She leaned her head against the chair and fought tears. They wouldn’t do her any good now. The question wasn’t how to survive the pain of regret, but what she was going to do now that she’d learned the truth about herself. How was she going to change? She’d spent so long waiting for her time and her turn that she’d lost sight of the real goal. She’d forgotten that life was a journey. She kept waiting for tomorrow, all the while wasting a lifetime of todays.

“Not anymore,” she whispered forcefully. “No more waiting. I’m going to make this my time. I’m going to seize opportunities with both hands. I’m going to risk falling and getting hurt. I’m going to risk failing.” She stood up and