He stared at her for a couple of seconds, grinned, then asked, “Do you want me to bring liquor?”
“Sure. If you have it.”
“I’ll be right down.”
He appeared at her front door less than a minute later. She sighed in appreciation at the bottles of vodka and tonic he brought nearly as much as the way he looked in worn jeans and a loose T-shirt. There was something to be said for a winning combination of potentially mind-numbing booze and male eye-candy.
“You have ice?” he asked.
“Always. I even have a lime.”
She led the way into the kitchen where she got out her ice tray, then collected two glasses. Her lime was a naked little thing, huddling in the fruit basket.
“I used the zest earlier,” she said as she sliced it into eighths. “We had Caribbean tacos for dinner. Lots of citrus.”
He poured, she squeezed, then they silently toasted each other. She took a drink, then sighed as the cold, tart drink settled in her stomach.
“Perfect.”
He led the way into the living room. When they were both settled on the sofa, he asked, “What happened?”
She took another drink. “I went to see my parents today. It was weird. Like being in a time warp. Everything was nearly the same, but it wasn’t. I felt uncomfortable and angry and confused. My mom is different. More emotionally frail. My dad was critical. I wanted a big party to celebrate my homecoming and all they had were questions.”
“In some ways it’s easier not to have to answer to anyone. Now you’re back in their lives. There are going to be explanations and misunderstandings. None of you are the same.”
“I get that. Time has passed. But I feel like everything is my fault. I’m the one who left and set this all in motion.”
“You’re only responsible for yourself.”
“Am I?” She clutched her drink in both hands. “I think my mom had a breakdown or something. That’s my fault.”
“No, it’s not. Her reaction to the situation is her responsibility.”
“Isn’t that like saying if I hit someone with my car, their injuries are their fault because they weren’t fast enough to get out of the way?”
“Not the same at all. Yes, you ran away and there were consequences. But you can only be blamed for some of them. If she lost it because you ran away, then she wasn’t strong in the first place.”
“That’s a little too tidy for me. What I did pushed her over the edge.”
“Why do you feel it necessary to take on all the pain?”
Good question. “Habit, maybe. I’m always the one responsible.”
“With you and Zoe, sure. But not anywhere else. I’m not saying you were right to run away. It was a dumbass teenage response to whatever was going on. But you made it and without a lot of outside help. That’s good. Yes, your parents suffered and you’re the reason. But you didn’t make your mother have a breakdown. There was something already in her that caused that.”
“I hope you’re right. My guilt card is pretty full.” She sipped her drink. “Family stuff is never easy.”
“I know.”
“You never talk about your parents. Just Gloria and the siblings.”
“Sounds like a rock band,” he said. “No parents. They died a long time ago. They weren’t very close. I guess they’d been in love once, but by the time I was aware of their relationship, they were just going through the motions. My dad drank a lot. I think it was to escape from his mother. My mom was quiet-sad, I guess. Gloria made her life hell in more ways than we’ll ever know.”
She hated thinking Walker hadn’t had a wonderful childhood. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I had my brothers and Dani. We were there for each other.”
“That’s something. I can picture the four of you banding together against the evil queen.”
He smiled. “No one ever called her a queen, but there were plenty of other names.”
“I won’t ask.”
“I stayed away from her as much as I could. So did Reid. Cal and Dani tried to make it work with her. Cal even went into the family business out of college. He lasted longer than I would have. Dani got her master’s and came back home, prepared to run the empire. Gloria stuck her in Burger Heaven and never let her out.”
“Why? Dani’s great. Please don’t tell me it’s a woman thing. That only men can run the company.”
Walker hesitated, then said, “Dani’s not a Buchanan. Our mother had an affair with some guy. Dani is the result. We knew, but Dani didn’t. Gloria couldn’t forgive her for not being a Buchanan. It’s the ultimate sin.”
“I’d never have guessed,” Elissa said, shocked by the revelation. “I won’t say anything, of course.”
“I appreciate that. The truth is coming out, but Dani’s still dealing with it herself.”
“Isn’t it funny how one moment in time changes everything? If I’d only come home after Mitch and I broke up. If one of my parents had answered the phone instead of Bobby.”
“If Ben hadn’t pushed me aside and taken that bullet.”
She looked at Walker and saw he hadn’t meant to say that aloud.
“How much do you think about that?” she asked.
He shrugged. “It should have been me.”
“Why? Why do you think it was your time and not his?”
“Ben had something to live for.”
“Don’t you?”
Is that what caused Walker to hold back? He didn’t think he was worthy? She supposed it was possible, but why would he believe that? What had happened to put him on that path?
“I get by,” he said at last.
“You do more than that.”
He shrugged. “I’m running out of Ashleys. What if I don’t find her? I owe him that.”
“You’re trying. He would understand the effort.”
Walker finished his drink, then looked at her. “Ben was like a puppy. He was always sniffing around, wanting to be friends. He wanted to hang out together, do things.”
She read the truth in his eyes. “You didn’t.”
“He was a kid. We had nothing in common.”
“You feel guilty.”
“Maybe,” he admitted.
“Is finding Ashley going to make up for what you didn’t do while he was alive?”
“No,” he said simply, “but it might let me sleep at night.”
His pain called to her. Maybe it was a female thing. Maybe it was a mom thing. Or maybe it was just how she felt when she was around him. Regardless of the cause, she put down her drink and moved closer.
“It’s not your fault,” she said, cupping his face in her hands and staring into his dark eyes. “You didn’t kill him.”
“It should have been me.”
“You keep saying that. It’s not as if the bullet had your name on it. It was circumstances, a quirk of fate. Yes, it’s horrible that Ben’s dead, but your suffering doesn’t bring him back. Based on the little you’ve told me about him, he wouldn’t want you doing it, either.”
“I don’t know. I think he might get a kick out of it.”
“Don’t be smart with me, mister.”
One corner of his mouth turned up. “Or you’ll what?”
In less time that it took for light to travel across the room, the mood shifted. What had been friendly and sharing became charged with emotion and sexual energy.
She was aware of how close they were, how she leaned against him and how her fingers touched his face. She could feel his heat and the stubble on his cheeks. His gaze locked with hers, drawing her in, grabbing her with the erotic threat of never letting her go.
