to mention smell her perfume. Just a whiff of the floral fragrance was enough to make him want her again. They could do it in the barn, like they had when they were kids.
Back when life hadn’t been so damn complicated, he thought. Before he’d gone away and she’d betrayed him.
“We need to talk, Mitch,” she said, standing next to him.
He sensed her gaze on him but didn’t turn. “So talk.”
“Not here.”
“Why not? You have somewhere better in mind?”
“Somewhere private. The barn or your office or wherever. Just not in front of Erin.”
He glanced at her, saw the worry in her eyes and something else. Something that made his gut tighten.
“My office,” he said, and led the way.
His office was off the main barn and wasn’t a place he’d been to since his return. He half expected the door to be locked, but the handle turned easily.
Inside everything was as he remembered. The same desk in the same place. The computer looked new. Maybe Arturo had replaced the old one when he’d found out Mitch was coming home. There were files, pictures and a small refrigerator humming in the corner.
At one time he’d thought this would be his life. That he would grow old on this ranch. Then he’d lost Skye and everything had changed.
Mitch ignored it all. He faced her. “What?”
She pulled a slim envelope out of her purse and handed it to him. The return address was the lab in Dallas.
“You reading my mail?” he asked as he took it.
“Fidela saw me driving by and asked me to give it to you. I think she knows what’s inside.”
The envelope was still sealed. Anticipation tightened his gut. “Do you?”
She nodded. Worry darkened her green eyes. “Mitch, I’m sorry,” she began.
He leaned against the desk and prepared for her to grovel. He planned to enjoy every minute of it and then he was going to crush her.
“I didn’t sleep with Ray on the first date,” she said. “It was the third and I cried the whole time. I hated being with him more than I can say. There was nothing wrong with him except he wasn’t you and I was so in love with you.”
Her words made him sick to his stomach. “I don’t want to hear this.”
“I know, but let me say it anyway. Ray felt badly and I was devastated. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t marry him. I realized it that night. I was going to find you and tell you. I was hoping you would forgive me. Jed figured all that out and I knew he was going to threaten me or you or both of us. Which he did. He also pointed out that I’d better be sure I wasn’t pregnant before running back to you.”
Tears filled her eyes. “I was. I found out a few days later. I knew I couldn’t show up, carrying another man’s baby. I knew you’d never forgive me. I also couldn’t keep Ray from his child. Marrying him was the best choice.”
“That’s all bullshit,” he growled. “It wasn’t the best choice, it was the easiest one. You got everything you wanted, including keeping Erin from me.”
Only speaking the words no longer felt right and the certainty in her eyes made him doubt himself.
“He was a good man, but he wasn’t you,” she said. “We all have guilty secrets. That’s mine. I grew to love him, but it wasn’t enough. He never got my whole heart. Erin was born five weeks early. She’s his. I’m sorry. Not for that but for everything else.”
Tears spilled onto her cheeks. She turned and walked out, leaving him alone, holding the letter.
He didn’t have to open it because he already knew. She wasn’t lying. Erin wasn’t his. She never had been. He’d come home to nothing.
He left the office, not bothering to close the door behind him. He had no idea where he was going, he just knew it was away from here. In the distance he heard Erin’s laughter. The sound cut through him, reminding him of all he’d lost. Even the anger seemed gone. There was nothing inside of him anymore. Nothing but useless space.
He walked and walked until his leg ached so bad he began to stumble. He could feel the blood soaking the sock on his stump and still he kept moving. He reached a rise in the land and stood staring at everything he owned.
In the distance, the cattle moved-dark shadows on the land. He could see the goddamn chickens and the horizon in the distance. All his. And he didn’t care about any of it.
He would swear he could still hear Erin’s laughter, that the sound carried to him on the wind. He could feel her surprisingly strong hug, feel her bony arms holding on to him. His daughter.
He’d been so sure. He’d convinced himself that she was what he’d had to come home for. But it had all been wishful thinking.
He opened the envelope and stared at the typed words. Skye had spoken the truth. Erin wasn’t his.
He crumpled the paper and let it fall to the ground. Then his leg gave way and he sprawled onto the dirt, broken and worthless.
Sometime later, when the sun had burned his skin and his lips had crackled from dryness, he heard a truck engine. Arturo parked next to him and got out. Mitch tried to get up but couldn’t. He had to wait and let the old man half drag him into the passenger seat.
His stump ached more than it had since the initial surgery. He could feel the blood, the raw flesh and knew he’d probably done some serious damage, but he didn’t care.
Arturo was silent and Mitch didn’t bother speaking. What was there to say?
Arturo drove past the ranch and headed to Dallas.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Mitch asked.
His ranch manager pointed to the front of Mitch’s jeans. “The hospital.”
Mitch glanced down and saw bloodstains. He swore under his breath, then leaned back and closed his eyes. There wasn’t a single part of him that could imagine giving a damn about anything ever again.
“YOU’RE MORE STUPID than I thought.”
The words came clearly, despite the haze of pain-killers. Mitch opened his eyes and saw Joss standing over him.
It took him a second to figure out where he was and what had brought him here. The E.R. doctor had taken one look at his bleeding stump and admitted him. Apparently Mitch had lost more blood than he’d realized because now he’d been given a transfusion, put on an IV, drugged up and scolded by nearly every medical person he came in contact with.
“They’re transferring you to the VA in a couple of hours,” Joss went on. “When I heard what had happened, I came by to see if it was true. You’re a real idiot.”
“You mentioned that.”
The physical therapist stared at him. “You trying to kill yourself or are you thinking that’s just a happy by- product of all this?”
“I got distracted. I didn’t pay attention to what I was doing.”
“Uh-huh. Anyone here believe that?” Joss picked up the prosthesis from the chair in the corner. “They had to cut this off you, which means you need a new socket. Imagine how fast I’m going to be ordering that.”
That brought Mitch to a sitting position. “You can’t keep me on crutches.”
“Sure I can. I’m mean and vindictive. I’m also the boss of you, so I can do anything I want.” Joss grinned. “I sound like one of my grandkids.”
Mitch collapsed back on the pillows. He hurt all over and the medication had left him sick to his stomach. Or maybe that was more about the thought of being on crutches.
“You need to heal,” Joss told him. “You wouldn’t do it on your own. Now I’m going to make it happen. You’re not getting this back for at least two weeks.” He put a business card on the tray by the bed. “Your next appointment, where you’ll get this back. Don’t be late.”
Then he was gone.
Frustration and rage built up in Mitch. He wanted to go after Joss, grab him and pound him into the ground. But he couldn’t get up, couldn’t walk without some kind of help.
Worthless, he thought as he lay there hurting everywhere. So fucking worthless.
