there was no question that she was blushing. Her cheeks flushed to a bright red and she nearly dropped her coffee cup.
“I'm not really used to talking to adults,' she said in low voice. 'Men, I mean. I don't think I was very good at it before and the lack of practice has only made me worse.'
“Then we'll take it slow. The conversation, I mean.' Her eyes widened slightly. 'Okay. Well, then I should probably start at the beginning.' He had no idea what she meant. 'The beginning?'
“Yeah. I met Marty my last year of college. I was so thrilled to be out on my own and not re- sponsible for anyone but myself. I'd dated some, but hadn't fallen for anyone before. Not like I did with Marty. Everything was so exciting. Marty…' She sighed. 'He was a few years older. Charming, funny. He'd switched majors so many times that he was still a junior after five years of school. I remember thinking that he was so full of life and so interested in me.' She looked at him. 'I told you my parents are artists, but what I didn't tell you was that their art is the most important thing in their lives. I remember growing up knowing that no skinned knee, no problem with a friend could ever compete with the perfect light on the right view. While they painted, I didn't exist.'
“Marty was different?'
“I thought so. He focused so intently on me that I didn't realize I was just the latest in a long line of fleeting passions. He swept me off my feet and I married him less than two months later. Within six weeks, I realized I'd married someone just like my parents.' Nash leaned toward her. 'In what way?'
“He wasn't responsible. He wasn't willing to think about anyone but himself. He didn't care if the bills got paid on time or if they turned off our electricity. He didn't worry about showing up to work on time. There were so many other fun things to be doing. I'm sure a mental health professional wouldn't be surprised that I'd replaced my parents with someone exactly like them, but it was a shock to me. I was devastated.' He wanted to reach across the table and take herhands in his, but he didn't. Instead he sipped his coffee, then asked, 'Why didn't you leave?'
“I wanted to,' she admitted. 'I considered my options, thought about what I wanted and decided that I wasn't going through that again. But right before I packed up to go, I found out I was pregnant with Brett.' She moved her cup around on the table. 'Marty was thrilled. He swore everything was going to be different, and I wanted to believe him. I thought it would be wrong to take his child away from him, so I stayed. He went from job to job, city to city, state to state, and we went with him. Every time I managed to save a few dollars, he spent them on something crazy like an old beat-up motorcycle or a weekend of river rafting. I waited for him to grow up, to realize he had responsibilities. I found creative ways to make money at home. After a few years, I told him we couldn't continue that way. I would homeschool Brett through kindergarten, but if we weren't settled by the time he was in first grade, I was leaving.' She leaned back in her chair and shrugged. 'Brett was three. That gave Marty another three years to get his act together. In the meantime, I started taking night courses whenever I could. Business, mostly. If I had to leave, I wanted to be prepared. Once Brett was of school age, I knew I would be able to take care of us both.'
“Then the twins came along,' he said.
“Another unplanned pregnancy,' she agreed. 'Suddenly I had a four-year-old and infant twins. There wasn't any money. I had to pay the doctor off in weekly installments. The week I brought the twins home, the city turned off our electricity. It was hell. Through it all Marty said we'd be just fine. He kept not showing up for work or quitting. About a year later, I snapped. I packed up the kids and I left him. I knew that it would be hard on my own, but caring for three children was a whole lot easier than caring for four.' If Marty hadn't been dead, Nash would have found him and beaten his sorry butt into the ground.
“He followed me and begged me to come back.' She looked at Nash, then away. 'Brett adored him. I gave in. I didn't love him anymore, but I felt guilty for leaving. Isn't that crazy? So I stayed. Then one day he got a letter from a lawyer. One that said he'd inherited a bunch of money. I told Marty I wanted to put it on a house. I thought if we could have that much security, I could stand the rest. We were passing through Glenwood at the time, so we decided to buy here. But Marty couldn't just buy a regular house and own it outright. This monstrosity fit right into his dreamworld. I thought it was better than just blowing the money on a sailboat so we could go around the world and I agreed. Then he died.' Nash didn't know what to say. 'You've done a hell of a job.'
“I've done my best to think about my boys. I want them to be happy and secure. I want them to know they're important to me. None of which is my point.' She squared her shoulders. 'I'm thirty-three. I've been responsible for someone else since I was old enough to order groceries on the telephone. By the time I was ten, I was paying all the bills and managing the household money. My parents took off for France when I was twelve. They were gone for five months. I was scared to be by myself for that long, but I got through it. I was the grown-up with Marty and I'm the grown-up now. My point is, I'm not looking for another responsibility. I've heard that men can be partners in some relationships, but I've never seen it.' Nash heard the words, but he wasn't sure why she was telling him. He added her parents to the list of people he would like to have words with, but that didn't help.
“I'm impressed by how well you've held it all together,' he said.
She nodded. 'But you don't know why I'm telling you all this.'
“Right.' She sucked in a breath and stared at the table. 'That kiss last night was pretty incredible. The fact that you didn't go running screaming from the room when you saw me this morning tells me that you maybe didn't mind it too much.' He knew this was difficult for her, but he couldn't help laughing. 'You're understating my position,' he said. 'I wanted you. I still want you.' Her mouth formed an 'oh' but no sound emerged. She glanced at him, her eyes wide and stunned.
“That's clear,' she whispered. 'I, ah, appreciate your honesty. The thing is, I haven't allowed myself to have a sexual thought since Marty's death. I don't meet many men, but the ones I do meet either take off at the thought of a woman with three kids, or they're too much like Marty and I'm the one run- ning. I don't want a relationship. I don't want to get involved. But…' Her voice trailed off.
Nash leaned toward her. He wasn't sure what direction she was heading, but if it was the one he thought… where could he sign up?
“I thought that part of me was dead,' she said. 'It's not.'
“Good to know.' She smiled slightly. 'I thought so. And that made me wonder, what with you leaving town at the end of next week and all…' He put the pieces together, rearranged them and did it again. He came up with the same answer. Which meant he was doing it wrong. No way his luck was that good.
She stared at him. 'You really need to talk now.”
“You want me to say it?' She nodded.
If he got it wrong, she would throw her coffee in his face and he'd be forced to look for new quarters. He could live with that. If this was going to be his fantasy, too, he might as well just go for it and prepare himself to be shot down.
“You're not interested in a relationship,' he said. 'Right.'
“You liked the kiss.'
“Uh-huh.'
“A lot.' She grinned. 'A lot works.'
“What you're looking for is something more along those lines. An affair while I'm in town and when I leave, it's over. No strings, no regrets, no broken hearts. Until then, we keep each other company at night. Am I close?'
Chapter Eight
He was close, Stephanie thought as embarrassment and horror swirled in her throat. So close that he'd grasped the concept in one seemingly easy try.
It was one thing to
In the light of day, the idea sounded sleazy and off-putting and completely improbable.
Without thinking, she pushed herself to her feet and bolted from the room. She had no particular destination in mind just a need to be away from Nash.
As she raced along the hall, she tried to tell herself that she hadn't done anything wrong. She was an adult,
