maybe she would forget. Maybe none of this would matter anymore. But she had to stay. She’d started this and it was her responsibility to see it through to the end. She owed Nic and maybe she owed herself as well.
“I was heartbroken when I heard,” she told him. “I never thought Emilio would really send you away. I wanted to come after you.”
He glared at her without speaking. She knew he was wondering why she hadn’t. Why she’d let him disappear from her life.
Sometimes she asked herself the same questions. Those days and weeks were a blur in her memory. Pain was the only constant.
Nic shook his head. “You weren’t willing to risk it. Not your family, not the winery. That’s why you didn’t come after me.”
He spoke as if all the anger had drained out of him, leaving behind an empty man who had no energy for anything but resignation. When he released the back of the chair and settled on the seat, he looked weary.
“So Jeff was there, waiting,” he said evenly.
“I guess.” She rested her elbows on her thighs and dropped her head to her hands. “It’s all jumbled together. He came back from his trip and spent a lot of time at the house. Later I figured out that he thought we were rich. He must have been really disappointed to find out that my grandfather owned everything and kept very tight purse strings.”
She rubbed her temples. Those days had been among the worst of her life. She’d missed Nic with every breath.
“We were friends, nothing more,” she said. “I was shocked when he proposed, and refused. Then my parents found out and they told the Grands. Suddenly everyone but me thought marrying a guy entering medical school was a wonderful idea. You were gone, I was alone.” She swallowed and forced herself to raise her head and look at him. “I took the easy way out. Jeff seemed like the safe choice…”
Nic’s contempt was as real as the structure of the building. It leaped across the space between them and chilled her bones until they were so brittle she thought they might crack. Words of protest rose to her lips. She wanted to remind him that she’d been barely eighteen, and not very experienced in the ways of the world. That until meeting him, she’d been a good daughter, always doing what was right, what was expected. She wanted to say a lot of things, but knew they wouldn’t matter. Not anymore.
Nic’s gaze slid away. He leaned back. “The hell of it is you weren’t willing to give up the winery for me, but you gave it up for him.”
“I didn’t give it up. I lost it. Somewhere between my two or three jobs at a time to support us and the distance, I realized I couldn’t do it all. I never wanted things to turn out the way they did.”
She squared her shoulders and glared at him. “You talk about all of this like you’re the only victim. The truth is we both lost something important. You paid by being exiled by your grandfather. I paid, too. I had a lousy marriage. Okay, I said yes and I walked down that aisle of my own free will. I took the easy way out and I lived to regret it. I lost ten years of living my dream. I didn’t have the children I always wanted. In the end, because I got married and went away, my grandfather no longer trusts me with the winery. You’re back and running Wild Sea. You have everything you’ve ever wanted. There must be some comfort knowing that in the end, you won.”
Nic shifted on his chair and looked away. An emotion she couldn’t identify moved across his face, then was gone.
“I spent eighteen months cut off from the only family I’d ever known,” he said. “When I came back, Emilio was a stranger to me. We never reconciled. I don’t consider that a victory.”
Brenna didn’t doubt he’d been scared and angry when his grandfather had sent him away. Nic had gone to France and found work at different wineries there. He’d honed his skills, and when his grandfather had come looking for him, he’d been in a strong position to negotiate.
“What about when he begged you to return?” she asked. “He was forced to admit he was wrong and he needed you. My grandfather would never have done that. He would have let me go without a second thought.”
Nic’s mouth twisted. “Bullshit. Your grandmothers would have ganged up on him so fast, he would have been begging for mercy inside of a day. No Marcelli would ever let one of their own walk away. Family is everything to you people.”
Brenna straightened. Something in Nic’s voice, something in the tone and the way he spoke the words, sparked memories. All those years ago he’d always wanted to talk about her family. He’d enjoyed hearing about celebrations and arguments and their loud, loving Sunday dinners together. She remembered thinking he’d looked almost hungry to hear the stories.
Had he been living vicariously through her experiences? Had the Marcellis been the family he’d always wanted? Was his request to go to the engagement party a chance to thumb his nose at them, or had he wanted to see the one thing he’d never had?
“I can’t decide if you love my family or hate them,” she said.
Nic surprised her by saying, “Both.”
“You’re serious?”
He shrugged. “Hate is too strong a word. I resented their hold over you. I didn’t want you to choose them, but I always knew you would. Now it doesn’t matter.”
Didn’t it? She couldn’t believe he’d let the past go. Neither of them had. There was too much energy, too much anger and hurt still alive.
“I’m sorry,” she told him. “I’m sorry for what I did. I’m sorry for being immature, for letting you put yourself on the line and then turning my back on you. I’m sorry I chose Jeff and that I let what was really important get lost in my fear. I’m sorry you got sent away.”
She could do her “sorry” list for fifteen minutes, but it would get boring, so she stopped.
“Nic, I don’t know what to say.”
“Me, either.”
Maybe there wasn’t anything left to be spoken. Maybe there wasn’t anything left at all.
“No,” she whispered involuntarily. “This can’t be all there is. There has to be more.”
His eyes darkened. “You know what else there is.”
She blinked, not sure what he meant, then she got it. Sex. The attraction that was always there, drawing them together, making them want and ache and…
He stood and moved toward her. She rose as well, but only to back away. “No,” she whispered. “Not now. Not like this.”
He shrugged. “So walk away.”
He moved like a predator. Like a man willing to take what he wanted. She wasn’t afraid, not exactly. And damn it all to hell, she didn’t want to walk away.
Awareness rippled along her spine. Her skin prickled. Logic dictated that this was a mistake. Making love right now, like this, would be really dumb. She would leave. Right this second.
She drew in a deep breath to calm herself, but that turned out to be a mistake. The heady smells of fermentation reminded her of all the other times she and Nic had made love in this room. Ghosts of their passionate selves surrounded them. She felt more than heard their sighs of surrender.
One of them moved closer. She wanted to say it was him, but it could have been her. His gaze settled on her mouth.
“This is just a reaction to the emotionally intense conversation we just had,” she said desperately
He nodded. “Or chemistry. We’ve always had chemistry.”
“Uh-huh.”
This time she was sure he was the one who moved, because she was too stunned to get her leg muscles to react. Without thinking, she licked her lower lip. His gaze sharpened, then narrowed.
Her fingers itched to reach for the hem of her T-shirt and pull it off over her head. She wanted to be naked right this second. She wanted his hands everywhere on her body, his tongue in her mouth, and then she wanted him to take her hard and fast, right up against the wall.
What she should do was back away. Or tell him no. Saying no would be really, really smart.
She cleared her throat. “Do you think-”
“No,” he said, cutting her off.
“So shouldn’t we-”
