Desire turned liquid and poured through her. She could hear her own heartbeat thundering in her ears.
She broke free of his hold so she could wrap her arms around his neck and leaned into him. He grabbed her around the waist. They touched from shoulder to thigh, body against body. He was strong and big and getting harder by the second.
He parted his lips slightly, she did the same and he moved his tongue against hers. She accepted him with a quick stroke, then they were kissing deeply, exploring and feeling.
She lost herself in him, in the sensation of passion and wanting. When he nipped on her lower lip, her insides clenched. He kissed his way along her jaw, then down her neck. She began to tremble in anticipation. He drew his hands across her waist and up her rib cage before cupping her breasts.
Even through her T-shirt and bra, she felt the warmth of his fingers as he caressed her. He brushed his thumbs across her nipples, sending jolts of pleasure all through her. Her breath caught. Need exploded. She angled her head and claimed his mouth, kissing him with all the fiery passion that surged inside her.
He met her stroke for stroke. His arousal flexed against her. She dropped her hands to his chest and explored his hard, sculpted muscles even as he continued to tease her breasts. Their arms bumped and brushed, their breath merged. Between her legs, female flesh grew swollen in anticipation.
And then he was gone.
One second Nick was kissing her back, taking as much as he gave, making her ache, the next he’d released her. She heard footsteps. A door opened and she was alone.
CHAPTER SEVEN
THE NIGHT WAS ENDLESS. Nick knew better than to try to sleep right away. He escaped to his office, where he did his damnedest to get lost in spreadsheets and numbers. It rarely worked, but he never stopped trying. This time was even more difficult, with his blood still pumping and his dick rock-hard.
He swore silently, cursing himself more than Izzy. He knew better. She was a guest here, a client of sorts. Someone he was trying to help. He shouldn’t have kissed her, shouldn’t have
He’d studied with the best-he knew how to get control. He could slow his heart rate to a dozen beats a minute. He could cut off the sensation of pain, send blood to part of his body to promote healing. He was so fucking one with the world, he was practically a tree. But here he sat with a hard-on he couldn’t make go away and hands that still carried the feel of Izzy’s breasts.
He was beyond stupid, he thought grimly. He liked her. The wanting was easy. Eventually he would figure out how to make it go away. But the liking was a complication he hadn’t expected. Worse, now Garth was in the mix, involved in ways he wouldn’t explain.
The simplest solution would be to send Izzy back home. She was better than she had been. She would be fine with her sisters. Only fine was different than healed and he wasn’t one to walk away before the job was finished. He wouldn’t ask her to go. The problem was his and he would find a way to fix it.
Sometime around two he felt himself getting sleepy. He made his way to his bed and collapsed on top of the covers. He closed his eyes, knowing he probably wouldn’t sleep. Only he was wrong. Sleep claimed him instantly, but it was cruel that night, sending him directly into the dream.
No matter what he did, however many spiritual techniques he practiced, he hadn’t ever conquered the dream. It came without warning, always starting the same way. In silence.
He was in the jungle. He knew because he could smell the musty combination of life and rotting leaves. He could feel the dampness as the thick, humid air clung to him. It should have been dark because he’d always been blindfolded, but in his dream he could see everything. The trees, the birds, the sunlight filtering through the rain forest. What he couldn’t see was the knives.
They came without warning, invisible. There was the cool sensation of steel cutting through flesh. In the heartbeat of disbelief, as he watched the blood run down his arm, there wasn’t pain. That came a second later, the searing burn as healing scars were cut open again.
He clenched his teeth against the agony only to have the knives strike again and again. His chest, his legs, his belly. He wouldn’t scream, he told himself, sweat dripping nearly as fast as the blood. Wouldn’t let them win. But the sound was pulled from him, the agony winning yet again.
He came awake as suddenly as he’d fallen asleep. Every light was on, but the darkness still pressed down on him. His scars burned, as they always did. Phantom sensations that faded with the dawn.
He saw Aaron standing in the doorway. They stared at each other.
Nick’s throat was dry, his breathing harsh. Still he managed to say, “I’m okay.”
“You don’t look it.”
Nick shrugged.
“You need to talk to someone about this,” Aaron told him.
“No.”
“And here I thought you were more than a pretty face.” Aaron continued to study him. “The dreams aren’t going away.”
“I know.”
“That can’t be good for you.”
“I’m fine.”
“I can’t decide if you’re just stubborn or genuinely stupid.”
“Let me know what you come up with.”
“Don’t act tough with me,” Aaron told him. “Don’t forget I’ve heard you scream.”
He left. Nick lay back down, knowing he wouldn’t sleep again until dawn. He would get up in a few minutes, when the shaking had stopped, and catch his breath.
Aaron was only trying to help. The problem was, Nick didn’t believe there was a solution. The dreams were part of the price of what he had done. As he couldn’t find forgiveness, he would settle on making payments. Tonight had been little more than another installment.
IZZY STOOD in front of the storeroom, wishing someone other than her was in charge of feeding the horses. Or that someone else was responsible for getting the oats. But no. Feeding the horses was her job and she’d run out of oats two horses shy of finishing.
“Would you guys accept a couple of carrots instead?” she yelled into the barn. “Or an apple? How about a cookie?”
She sensed someone behind her seconds before she heard footsteps or words.
“Who are you talking to?” Nick asked, coming up behind her.
“No one you know.”
She hadn’t seen him all the previous day. Aaron said he’d gone into town to run errands, but she thought maybe he’d been staying away from her because of the kiss. And if he was, did his disappearance mean something good or something bad?
This was when not being able to see was really annoying, she thought. Normally she could take one look at a guy and know if he wanted her. Or if he’d enjoyed himself. Now she couldn’t tell and she sure wasn’t going to ask.
What worried her most wasn’t the lack of information, it was that sex had always been a game for her. One she enjoyed and played well. But now she didn’t understand the rules. She couldn’t read the other player, which put her at a serious disadvantage. There was also the teeny, tiny fact that she hadn’t been playing when he’d kissed her. She’d felt the passion, the need and had wanted more.
“You need something in the storeroom?” he asked.
“Well, duh.”
“You think that kind of attitude is going to make me want to help you?”
She folded her arms across her chest and stared at him. “So you’re a conditional sort of person. You want to get before you give.”
