Hawk couldn’t believe it. Nicole taking in Raoul? He held in a smile. Damn, she was better than he’d first thought.
Raoul nodded slowly. “Your rules are reasonable,” he told Nicole. “I’ll follow them.”
“You’d better. I mean it. I run a very strict household. You’ll feel trapped, I promise.”
“Trapped is good,” Raoul said, the corners of his mouth twitching.
Hawk felt the need to smile, too. Nicole thought she came off as so tough, but the truth was, she was completely soft on the inside.
He liked that. He liked that a lot.
JESSE STOOD on the doorstep of Matt’s condo for a long time. She stared at the door, remembering how she’d first come here with him when he’d been looking for a place of his own. They’d been so happy then. So in love. She knew she’d totally blown it. What she didn’t know was if she could fix it.
Her whole body hurt. She’d heard that pregnancy was supposed to be a miracle, that she should be glowing. Instead she felt beat up. She couldn’t stop crying. How was it possible for one person to lose everything so quickly? And yet she had.
She rang the bell and waited. Her stomach writhed from nerves and fears. She fought back tears. He had to believe her. Somehow she would make him understand.
The door opened and Matt stood in front of her. She stared at him, feasting on seeing him for the first time in weeks.
He looked good. Tall and thin, but filling out from their regular visits to the gym. She’d been the one to introduce him to the idea of working out to build muscle and then he’d taken her to bed and rewarded her for her good ideas. He was very good at rewarding her, and telling her he loved her. He got this light in his eyes and what she called his special smile. Only he wasn’t smiling now.
“I have nothing to say to you,” he told her and started to close the door.
She threw herself against it and managed to squeeze inside. “We have to talk.”
“You may have to talk but I don’t have to listen.”
God, he sounded so cold, she thought grimly. As if he hated her. Was that possible? Had hate replaced love? Didn’t she matter at all to him?
She couldn’t think about it because, if she did, she would fall apart. He was everything to her. She loved him. She who had vowed never to risk her heart had fallen for a geeky computer nerd with beautiful eyes and a smile that made her soul float.
“Matt, please,” she whispered. “Please. Just hear me out. I love you.”
His gaze narrowed. “Do you think your words mean anything to me? Do you think you do? I learn fast, Jesse. I always have. I trusted you. I gave you every part of me. I loved you. Hell, I wanted to marry you. I bought a ring. Which makes me an idiot, but it’s not a mistake I’m going to make again.”
She felt the tears on her cheeks and the slicing pain in her heart. “I love you, Matt.”
“Bullshit. I was some fun project. Did you get a kick out of screwing the socially inept genius? Did you laugh about me with your friends?”
“It wasn’t like that and you know it.”
“I don’t know shit about you. This was a game. You won, I lost, now get the hell away from me.”
“No. I won’t go until you listen. Until you understand.”
“Understand what? That while you were sleeping with me, pretending to care about me, you were screwing Drew? Who else, Jess? How many other guys? I’m not asking for a total number. I doubt you can count that high. But say in the past five months. Less than a hundred? Less than twenty? Just give me a ballpark idea.”
She cried harder, hating his words and the distance she saw in his eyes. “Stop. I’m not like that anymore.”
“That’s not what I heard.”
“I didn’t sleep with Drew,” she screamed. “We used to talk. I could talk to him about stuff the way I could never talk to Nicole. That was it. Then one night he started kissing me and I freaked. I didn’t know what to do.”
“I’m not interested,” Matt told her. “There’s nothing you can say to make me care. Once a slut, always a slut. Everyone was right about you.”
He was using her past against her, she thought in disbelief. She’d trusted him with her secrets, her shameful moments, and now he was judging her.
“Matt, stop,” she said, her voice breaking on a sob. “Don’t do this. Don’t take us to a place where we can’t get back.”
“Why not? You think you matter to me anymore? Just get out. I never want to see you again.”
It hurt too much, she thought, using all her strength to keep from sinking to the floor.
“I’m pregnant,” she whispered.
He stared at her, then shrugged. “So what?”
She flinched as if he’d hit her. “I told you. I didn’t sleep with Drew. I’m having your baby.”
“No, you’re not.” He spoke casually, as if he’d never considered the possibility that the child might be his.
She grabbed his arm. “Matt, listen to me. This is your baby. Even if you hate me, you have to care about your child. I’m not lying. I can prove it. As soon as the baby’s born, we’ll take a DNA test.”
He looked at her for a long time, then pulled free of her grip and walked to the door. “You don’t get it, do you? I don’t care, Jess. You’re nothing to me but a regret. I don’t believe that baby is mine and even if it is, I don’t want a child with you. I don’t want anything with you. Ever. I want you to go away. I never want to see you again. No matter what.”
What scared her the most was how calmly he spoke. How easily he mouthed the words that ripped her soul apart.
She looked down, half expecting to see her body torn open and bleeding, but all the pain was on the inside.
“Matt, please,” she begged.
He pulled the door open and stared outside. “Just go.”
Walking took all her strength. Jesse barely made it down the stairs to her car. She crawled into the front seat and cried until she couldn’t breathe anymore. Until the emptiness threatened to swallow her. Until there was nothing left.
Which was the ugly truth of her life. No one she’d ever loved wanted anything to do with her. No one believed her. No one was willing to give her a chance.
NICOLE WATCHED RAOUL carry in his possessions. She eyed the black trash bags and made a mental note to buy the guy a couple of suitcases the next time she was out. No one should have to carry everything he owned in a trash bag.
“The bedrooms are upstairs,” she said as she led the way. “I’m putting you in the guest room.”
She’d debated putting him in Jesse’s room instead, but had decided against it. Despite everything going on, she assumed that at some point her sister would be moving back. Not that Nicole could ever imagine that happening right now, but eventually…maybe.
“Thanks for doing this,” Raoul said.
“You’re welcome.” She motioned for him to enter the guest room. “The bathroom is through there. The towels are out. There are more in the bottom drawer. In here you have a TV. I don’t care what you watch, but I’d appreciate you keeping the sound down after nine. I’ve put a phone in. I get up early, so no late calls, okay?”
He looked uncomfortable as he nodded.
“This is weird,” she said, which hadn’t been part of her planned speech. “We don’t know each other that well. I’m your boss. So we’re both uncomfortable. But it will get easier.”
“I know.” He shoved his hands into his front pockets. “You can tell me what to do. It’s okay. I’ll listen.”
Good to know. If only her sister had listened, things would have been a lot easier.
“So I can be bossy?” she asked, trying to dissipate some of the tension.
“Sure.”
She smiled. “Come on downstairs. You can tell me which of my food choices are too girly and make suggestions.”
They went into the kitchen where she wrote down his requests for cereal, soda and snacks.
“You eat lunch at school?” she asked.
