“To what? Reluctantly accepting responsibility. I don’t want that.”
“What do you want?”
To be swept away, she thought sadly. She wanted Wyatt to realize he was madly in love with her, couldn’t live without her and desperately wanted their child. She wanted everything he’d accused her of…love and marriage. But the difference between her and Shanna was that she didn’t want to win him by default and should she be lucky enough to have him want her back, she would never leave.
“I want a happy ending.”
“Sometimes we have to make our own,” Nicole told her. “Starting with ice cream. What flavor do you want?”
The doorbell rang. Claire’s whole body clenched as she hoped it was Wyatt. Maybe a beam had fallen on him at one of his jobs and the head injury had made him come to his senses. If only.
“I’ll get it,” she said as she left the kitchen and walked into the great room.
She didn’t find Wyatt on the doorstep. Instead Lisa, her manager, stood there.
While Lisa was as well-groomed as ever, she looked tired. And old.
“Claire,” she said with a tentative smile. “I was hoping to find you at home. Can we talk?”
A couple of weeks ago, Claire would have told her no. They had nothing to say to each other. Now, she wasn’t so sure. The sense of longing swept over her again, the need to play, to perform. Along with that yearning was a determination to make things different, to not be the frightened, obedient client she’d been before. She wasn’t who she had been when she’d arrived in Seattle. But who was she now?
“Sure, we can talk.”
Lisa followed her into the house, then closed the door. “You’re looking well.”
“I feel good.”
“Are you-” Lisa pressed her lips together. “Never mind.”
“Am I practicing?” Claire asked, then laughed. “Yes. I’ve played a little, but I’m not on a schedule. I’m not taking classes, either.”
She missed all that, too, she realized. The regular sessions with her music, when it was just her and her coach and the perfection she could create.
“You probably want to yell at me now,” she said, prepared to hear it all and deal with it like an equal, not a subordinate.
Lisa only nodded slowly. “I didn’t think you were playing much. You’re on vacation.” She swallowed. “Is it just a vacation? Are you coming back? Before you answer, I need to say something.”
Claire waited, trying not to feel nervous. She was an adult, she reminded herself. She needed to act like one.
“I was wrong,” Lisa told her, clutching her handbag in front of her. “You were so young when we started working together. I treated you like a child, because you were. But you grew up and I didn’t notice because it was easier for me if I made all the decisions. You kept trying to tell me you weren’t happy and I didn’t listen. I never wanted you to be unhappy. I never wanted you to feel trapped. I’m sorry.”
Claire considered her words. “You were doing whatever you thought was right to get a performance out of me. That mattered more than anything.”
“Only because you’re so gifted. Claire, no one can do what you do. I worried you couldn’t see that. I was afraid you didn’t respect your gift.”
“It’s my gift to respect or not.”
“I know. I see that now. I just hate to think of you wasting away, not playing.”
“Not earning the money.”
“That, too. You are my only client, Claire. If you’re not working anymore, I have a right to know. This is my livelihood, as well.”
Something Claire had never considered.
She led the way to the sofa. Nicole was nowhere to be seen, and probably hiding out in the kitchen with a pint of ice cream. This live performance had to be more interesting than anything she’d seen lately on television, Claire thought, trying to find the humor in the situation. Getting upset wouldn’t help anyone. Better to stay calm and rational.
“I have responsibility for what went wrong, as well,” she said, looking at Lisa. “I should have been more clear about how unhappy I was. Instead I used the panic attacks to get what I wanted. Eventually they began to control me. I wanted to be treated like an adult, but I didn’t act like one. I was a kid faking a stomachache to avoid a test at school. That was wrong of me.”
Wow-admitting fault was not her favorite thing, but it had to be done. “I shouldn’t have just disappeared and left you hanging,” she continued. “That wasn’t fair to either of us. I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry, too,” Lisa told her. “For everything.”
They stared at each other for a couple of seconds, then looked away. They’d never had the sort of relationship that made hugging comfortable and Claire didn’t know how to move on.
“Do you know what you’re going to do?” Lisa asked.
She realized then she’d been avoiding the truth for a long time. “I’m going to come back to New York and return to my music.”
Lisa leaned back against the sofa. “Thank God.”
Claire smiled. “Don’t get too excited. There are going to be a lot of changes.”
“Whatever you say. Seriously, you’re in charge.”
“Unlikely,” Claire told her, knowing Lisa was good at her job, but also stubborn. “We’ll have to find a way to compromise. I don’t want to be running all over the world for weeks at a time.” She was also going to have to eventually avoid air travel. The pregnancy wouldn’t allow it. Although she didn’t know when that restriction would start.
“You can write your own schedule. There’s also studio work.”
Claire nodded. “I’ll want to spend a lot of time in Seattle. I might buy a place here.”
“You can play here or in San Francisco and Los Angeles. Even Phoenix. Also Japan, but only when you want to go overseas.” Lisa leaned toward her. “We can make this work, Claire. I want us to be partners.”
They would never be close friends, but she would like them to be partners, too. “I have the greatest respect for you,” Claire told her. “The change is going to be hard on both of us. We have years of patterns we have to break.”
“I can change.”
Claire knew she could, as well. She already had.
CHAPTER TWENTY
AFTER LISA LEFT, Nicole came out of the kitchen. “You’re leaving.” It wasn’t a question.
Claire didn’t know what to say. “I’m sorry,” she began.
Nicole shook her head, then handed over a pint of ice cream. “Don’t apologize. You have to go. It’s where you belong.”
“I don’t agree with that, but it’s where I have to face my demons.”
“You have mutant hands,” Nicole teased. “You’ll beat those demons for sure. But just because you’re leaving doesn’t mean you have to stay gone.”
“I know.” Claire fought tears. “I meant what I said. I want to get a place here. You’ll get sick of me.”
“Maybe, but I can handle it.” Nicole handed her a spoon. “How does it feel to be in charge of Lisa?”
“I don’t know. Scary, but in a good way. It only took me twenty-eight years to figure out how to be a grown- up.”
They moved to the sofa and dug into their ice cream. Claire wondered how it was possible to be both excited and sad about her future. She felt the need to start practicing right away, to know what music she would be playing. She was also thrilled about the baby. But there was also the pain of leaving Seattle and her sisters, not to
