dogs. You can’t change your mind once you take this on.”
“I know.” He pushed up his glasses. “I’ll be sad when they leave, but I’ll know they’re going to help someone. That’s a good thing, right?”
“Right.” She bent over and kissed the top of his head. She was probably making a huge mistake, but she couldn’t help herself. “Yes, you can keep the puppies.”
Shane yelled in delight and flung his arms around her neck. “You’re the best, Mom.”
“Yes, I know. Just you remember that the next time I ask you to clean your room.”
“I will, I swear.”
She wrapped her arms around him. He hugged her back. The puppies crowded around them. From the corner of her eye she saw Jack walking to the barn. She wished she had an excuse to call him over to join them. But then she wished a lot of things, and so far none of them had come true.
“Tell me about Dad,” Jack said a few nights later as he finished clearing the kitchen table. Katie had gone upstairs with Shane to help him with some difficult English homework, so Jack and Hattie were alone.
“What an interesting question,” his mother said. She put down her cup of coffee and looked at him. “You knew Russell. I don’t have any special information to give you.” She paused and motioned for him to take the chair next to her.
Jack settled into the seat. “Don’t you ever wonder?” he asked. “Is he still alive? Does he ever think about us? Didn’t you ever want to get a divorce?”
Hattie sighed. “I don’t know where he is, if that’s what you’re asking. I haven’t had any secret communication from him. As for wondering, I do from time to time.” She gave him a brief smile. “I’m not a complete fool. I spoke to a lawyer years ago. I can divorce Russell for desertion, if I want. I can even petition to have him declared dead. So far I don’t see the point.”
“But don’t you want to know?” Jack shifted in his chair. “Most of the time I don’t want to know anything, but sometimes I think I’ll go crazy if I can’t figure out what happened. I hired a couple of different detectives. One as soon as I turned eighteen and the other about three years ago. The trail goes cold in New Orleans. It’s as if he just disappeared.”
“Abducted by aliens?” Hattie teased.
He didn’t smile. “Doesn’t it hurt you, Mom? He left all of us. He just up and walked away.”
She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “Yes, it hurt me at the time. I loved your father. I knew there were problems in the marriage but I assumed every relationship had rough spots.” She looked at him. “Despite the pain, I’ve made peace with Russell. You have to, as well.”
“I don’t want to. He’s a bastard. It’s not enough that he left. He came back for one night, got you pregnant and walked out again. I hate him for that.”
Hattie busied herself with her coffee. She picked up the spoon and stirred in more sugar. “I guess you’re old enough to know the truth,” she said quietly. “Your father never came back for a night. Wyatt isn’t his son.”
Jack opened his mouth, then closed it. His mind froze. “But how did…Isn’t…”
Wyatt-his youngest brother. Hattie had always said that her husband returned for a single night and Wyatt was the result. “I don’t understand.”
She raised her eyebrows. “I find that difficult to believe. Russell had left me. I was alone and scared and one day I forgot I was a wife and a mother of six children. For one day I was just a woman. I never planned on getting pregnant, but once I had Wyatt, I couldn’t be sorry.”
Jack was still stunned. His mother? Another man? “Who?”
“I’m not going to tell you because that information is not relevant to this discussion. And Wyatt doesn’t know yet, so you have to keep this to yourself. I plan on telling him, but not until after he finishes college.”
He didn’t know what to think. He wasn’t angry that she’d been with someone else. Her husband had walked out on her without warning. She deserved some happiness, however she found it. He frowned, realizing he didn’t know anything about his mother’s personal life. For all he knew, she’d had dozens of lovers over the years. But she’d always been discreet.
Hattie leaned toward him and rested her hand on his arm. “You’re not your father,” she said intently. “I know you’re afraid because you think you could be just like him.”
“Was there any warning?” he asked. “Did he hint he was thinking about leaving?”
She hesitated. “I want to lie and tell you that I’d suspected it for a long time, but the truth is, I was as shocked as you kids were. He seemed fine and then one day he was gone.” She squeezed his arm. “But that doesn’t mean it’s going to happen to you, Jack. We all have choices. Russell chose to walk away from all of this. He deliberately turned his back on his family. You can choose to do differently. You are an honorable man. So stop worrying about your father and concentrate on yourself. Do what makes you happy. If you ever get the urge to run, don’t.”
“You make it sound simple,” he said, wishing it were that easy.
“It can be. It’s your choice.”
But it didn’t feel like his choice. At times it had been all he could do to stay on the ranch. Especially in the first few years. The unknown had called to him, and he’d wanted to take off, leave all this behind. Over time he’d learned to make peace with his circumstances, but what if the past called to him again? How would he resist?
Besides, there was more at stake than just himself. If he allowed himself to think about a future with Katie and Shane, then there would be three lives at stake-not just his. Four if she was pregnant. God, he couldn’t think about that now. But what if she was? What if they were going to have a child together? He didn’t want to let them down and he wasn’t sure he could promise he wouldn’t.
“I need to know why he did it,” Jack said.
“You’ll never have that answer. You have to let it go. You have to make peace with your past and then shut the door.”
Jack didn’t believe her. He knew that if he could talk to Russell and find out why, then he could avoid whatever set of circumstances it was that had driven his father away. Without that information, the only safe route was to hold himself back. If he didn’t get involved, he couldn’t hurt anyone.
“Don’t lose your future because of something your father did,” Hattie said. “Have a little faith in yourself.”
“What if it’s not just about me?”
She smiled. “Have a little faith in them, too. Trust them to love you enough to keep you where you belong.”
“You loved Dad enough, and he still left.”
Her smile faded. “Okay. But you’re not Russell. Don’t let the past, either his or yours, keep you from letting someone in your life.”
Jack stood. They were arguing in circles. “I need to check on the horses,” he said and walked out of the kitchen. He’d been searching for answers, but there weren’t any. At least not any he could find.
As he stepped into the night, he glanced back at the house. Light shone from Shane’s bedroom window. Katie was in there with him. Jack pictured her bending over the desk, helping her son with his homework. The image made him ache inside. He wanted to be a part of it. He wanted to belong, have a family, make a life. Love and be loved. But he couldn’t trust himself not to destroy her the way he’d been destroyed. So he turned and walked into the darkness.
The following Saturday Jack and Katie went for a ride. It had rained the previous afternoon, but the morning had dawned warm and dry. Katie smiled as Socks made his way over flat terrain.
“I could do this forever,” she said, wishing the ride never had to end.
“I don’t think so. You’d miss Shane.” Jack drew his horse closer to hers. “Next time we should bring him with us.”
She laughed. “Perfect. Then we
Jack raised his eyebrows. “Is that what you really want? To escape?”
“Sometimes.” She looked at him and shrugged. “Not now, when I’m having a good time and everything is peaceful. But at other times, when it’s crazy and I don’t have the answers, I absolutely fantasize about running away. Doesn’t everyone?”
Jack looked surprised by her question. But instead of answering, he pointed to an oil pump moving up and down steadily. “Not the prettiest sight on a ranch, but I’m getting used to them.”
“Who wouldn’t? From the number of them I’ve seen around the ranch I’m going to guess that oil is bringing in a
