The Rancher Next Door

“Don’t panic,” she told him sharply. “I’m not pregnant.”

She waited, hoping he would betray his feelings on the subject, but he didn’t give anything away. “You got your period?”

“Not yet, but it’ll be here in the next couple of days.”

“Do you want to take a test to be sure?”

“I know. I don’t have to take a test. Just trust me on this. It’s a female thing.”

Her eyes began to burn, so she turned away from him. She wasn’t about to lose it in front of him again. Obviously he didn’t give a damn about her not being pregnant, but she was crushed. Now he would have every excuse in the world to walk away from her. She wanted to stop him, but she didn’t know how.

Frustrated, she turned back to him. “Who ended your marriage?” she asked.

“What?”

“You heard me. Who ended the marriage? I know you told me that Melissa left, but there’s more to the death of a relationship than who walks out the door. That’s just a detail. Who pulled the plug first? Was it you? Did you shut her out the way you’re shutting me out?”

“What is this really about, Katie?” he asked. “Are you upset because you’re not pregnant?”

His voice was thick with disbelief, as if it wasn’t possible she could be sorry. Which made her stomach clench more. “I guess you couldn’t be more thrilled,” she accused.

“It’s a complication we don’t need right now.”

“Oh, sure. Because you want your life easy, right? Nothing that requires any effort from you. At least that’s the way I heard it. Melissa may have physically been the one to leave, but you let her go because that’s what you wanted. You’re so damned scared of doing it wrong, you won’t do it at all. You held her at arm’s length, and that’s what you’re doing with me.” She took a step toward him. “It’s not going to work. You can’t run me off by being distant. You might be willing to let me go without a fight, but I don’t work that way. I plan to kick and scream the entire way. Yes, it’s complicated. Yes, it’s going to be difficult, but I don’t care.”

“You’re assuming a lot,” he said, sounding dangerous.

She was operating on sheer nerve and wasn’t sure how much longer it was going to last. “Then tell me I’m wrong. Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t give a damn. Tell me you’re not still hurting because I promised to love you forever and then married someone else instead. Tell me you didn’t spend every day of your marriage expecting your wife to walk out on you and when it finally happened, it validated your worst nightmare.”

She swallowed hard, fighting tears, hopelessness, love. “Tell me you don’t love me. Tell me you’re glad I’m not pregnant.”

He didn’t say anything. He simply dropped her bag on the porch, turned on his heel and left.

Katie told herself his silence was a victory of sorts. Unfortunately, instead of feeling happy, she felt as if she’d been kicked in the gut. She wasn’t pregnant, and she might have just lost Jack, as well.

Chapter Fourteen

Jack stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel. Sunlight poured in the window, reminding him it was afternoon and not an hour before dawn-his usual time for showering. But a couple of calves had gotten caught in a fast-moving stream. He and one of the ranch hands had fished them out, but only after wading through muddy water and nearly going under twice.

He glanced at his left thigh, where two hoof-shaped bruises darkened his skin. The calves had fought the entire time, not realizing Jack was trying to save them. “Dumb critters,” he grumbled as he flexed the muscle in his thigh. The bruise would last for a couple of weeks, but there wasn’t any permanent damage.

He wrapped the towel around his neck and stepped over the muddy clothes on his bathroom floor. In his bedroom he avoided looking at the bed where he and Katie had made love the previous week. He opened a drawer, pulled out a pair of briefs and stepped into them. A quick glance at the clock told him it was barely one in the afternoon. There was plenty of work left in the day. He would finish getting dressed then head to the western pasture. More thunderstorms were expected to roll through anytime, and once they arrived the whole area would probably be under a tornado watch. He wanted to round up any stragglers before the storm hit.

But his mind wasn’t on cattle or weather as he collected a clean pair of jeans and a shirt. Instead he found himself remembering what he and Katie had talked about the previous afternoon. Although “talked” didn’t capture the spirit of the exchange. She’d been furious and he’d been-

Stunned.

Jack finished fastening his jeans, then shrugged into the shirt and started on the buttons. Stunned by her ability to grasp the truth and see into his soul. Even though it was crazy, he’d wanted her to be pregnant. He’d wanted to have a baby with her.

It wasn’t just about having a child of his own, he thought. He and Melissa had talked about having kids, but in his heart he’d never believed the words. He’d never been able to picture her pregnant or holding their baby. Because he’d never gotten over Katie.

Jack stiffened as the realization washed over him. Events from the past moved through his brain like a disjointed movie. Melissa laughing, Melissa smiling…Melissa in tears, begging him to let her inside his heart. To share what he was thinking. He remembered all the times their fights had ended with her frustrated because he kept himself so closed off. He’d tried to explain that it was the only way he knew how to be in control, but she didn’t understand. When she’d finally told him she was walking out on their marriage, he’d felt relief. What he’d suspected from the beginning was true-the marriage wasn’t going to last.

He’d been so damn happy that it hadn’t been his fault, he thought. How noble that he’d been willing to stick it out when she hadn’t. As if the blame was hers, not his.

But it was his. He was guilty of all Melissa had claimed…and one additional sin she hadn’t named. For the entire length of their marriage, he’d been in love with someone else.

Katie’s words returned to him. Her questions about whose fault it had been. That leaving wasn’t always an indicator of who had destroyed things. Jack understood the questions even though he hadn’t answered them. He’d been too ashamed. Because while Melissa had some responsibility in their disagreements, he was the reason the marriage had ended.

Time after time his wife had begged him to be emotionally intimate with her. She’d tried talking, sex, silence and finally threats. Nothing had worked. He hadn’t been able to give her his heart because he’d already given it to Katie.

He knew he had to figure out what he was going to do now. With Katie not pregnant, he had no excuse to make her a part of his life. He wasn’t sure loving her was enough. She’d already left him once. Would she do it again, this time taking her son with her? Would she-

A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts. He left his bedroom and entered the small living room. When he opened the door, he found Katie waiting for him.

It was her day off so she was dressed casually in jeans and shirt. Shadows darkened the skin under her blue eyes, as if she hadn’t been able to sleep the previous night. He knew the feeling. He’d stared at the ceiling until close to dawn.

“I need to talk to you for a second,” she said, stepping inside. She laced her fingers together in front of her waist and stared at him. “About yesterday. I thought about all that we talked about and I realize that I owe you an apology.”

“No, you don’t.”

He couldn’t believe what she was saying. What could she have done wrong? He was the one who had screwed up everything.

She shook her head. “Please listen. You see, I was angry and hurt and I lashed out. The truth is, I was upset about not being pregnant and I was angry you weren’t. Which is crazy. Why should you be sad that your life isn’t about to be thrown into turmoil? It’s just that I was so afraid that without me being pregnant you’d toss me aside like so much used tissue, and I didn’t want that.”

“You think I want you out of my life?” he asked incredulously.