‘What was that all about?’ he demanded.
Ben looked at him blankly.
‘Jesus, Ben. What’s got into you? The way you behaved in front of those guys.’
‘They’re ex-soldiers, Jeff. They’re not a bunch of social workers.’
‘They’re our clients, Ben. That’s what they are. Remember that business you used to run?’
Ben didn’t reply.
‘I’ve never seen you like this before, mate,’ Jeff said. ‘I don’t know what the fuck’s going on inside your head, but you need to snap out of it sooner rather than later.’
Ben just sighed and looked down at his feet.
Jeff glared at him a second longer and then left the room, slamming the door behind him.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
The following morning
The acres of woodland around Le Val were deep enough to lose yourself in, and Ben meant to do just that. He knew all the little tracks and paths through the forest. Some of them had been there forever, probably created by deer and wild boar, and some of them he’d made himself. Over fallen trees and up earth banks, across the stream and through dense ferns, he ran until his body was screaming for rest.
In a tiny clearing in the forest was one of the features of Le Val that he loved most-the ruin of an old church dating back to the thirteenth century. There was nothing left but a few crumbled stone walls and the remnants of a tower where generations of doves had made a home for themselves. At its foot was a slab of stone nestling among the wildflowers, where he liked to sit and think, listening to the doves burbling and cooing in their nests. That was where he headed now, with the dog trotting along behind him.
He sat and listened to the sounds of the forest. Everything was so tranquil. It was a beautiful spring morning. The sky was blue above the trees, and the birds were singing. He should have been happy. This place was his home now.
He knew he had to get a grip on himself. Jeff had been right. If he wasn’t careful, he was going to start neglecting his business and everything he’d worked so hard to build was going to slip through his fingers.
But the way Ben was feeling right now, he wanted to shy away from everything. He felt empty inside. He didn’t want to have to deal with people, or have to take care of all those thousands of little tasks that just last week he’d have attended to with enthusiasm.
There was only one person in the world whose company he longed for. The one person he wasn’t free to be with. He’d left his phone back in the office, avoiding the inevitable call from her.
He sighed and took out his cigarettes. Jogging and smoking, he thought. First the detox, and then the retox. Great going, Hope. But he didn’t care. Storm watched curiously as he sat there blowing smoke rings that drifted over the ruined walls.
The dog snapped to attention, suddenly alert, ears pricked up. A second later Ben heard the snap of a twig. He turned.
Stepping out of the trees, Brooke peered through the ivy-tangled Gothic archway and spotted him sitting there inside the ruined church. ‘Found you,’ she smiled, approaching. The way he was looking at her, she didn’t think he was too happy to have been found. Then he smiled back-but she could see the sadness in his face.
She walked under the arch towards him. ‘Mind if I join you?’
He didn’t reply, but shifted along the stone seat to make room for her. Brooke sat down beside him, her knee touching his.
‘I didn’t know anyone else knew about this place,’ he said.
‘I’ve been exploring. I love it here. And I had a feeling it was the kind of spot Ben Hope would disappear off to when he needed to be alone.’
‘You know me pretty well, don’t you, Brooke?’
‘Pretty well,’ she said. ‘Well enough to know that something’s eating you.’
‘I’m sorry. I know I’ve been shit company.’
‘I’ve had better, that’s for sure.’ She put her hand on his arm. ‘Tell me what’s bugging you. You’ve been like a hen on a hot griddle since you got back. It’s something to do with this Zara who keeps calling. Right?’
He tossed his cigarette stub away and watched it smoulder in the leaves for a moment, then crushed it with his boot. ‘I told you, I don’t want to talk about it.’
‘I think you need to talk about it.’
‘There you are, sounding like a psychologist again.’
‘I want to help you,’ she said. ‘Won’t you let me? I don’t like to see you suffering like this.’
‘It’s my problem,’ he said. ‘I’ll deal with it.’
‘But it matters to me. A lot.’ Brooke wondered if she was saying too much.
He reached out and touched her nose with brotherly affection. ‘You’re a good friend to me, Brooke.’
I don’t want to be your friend, she thought. ‘So am I right?’ she asked.
‘Right about what?’
‘Right about this Zara.’
‘You’re right. It’s to do with Zara. Zara Paxton.’
‘Paxton. As in Harry Paxton?’
He nodded glumly.
‘Daughter? Sister?’
‘Wife.’ Ben turned to look at her. ‘I’m in love with her.’
Brooke frowned. ‘In love,’ she repeated. ‘Since when?’
He sighed. ‘Since the first time I saw her. In Italy.’
‘But that was just a couple of days ago,’ she said.
‘That’s right.’
‘Love at first sight? Come on.’
‘It’s corny, isn’t it?’ he replied with a chuckle. It sounded mirthless and hollow. ‘Stupid. But that’s how it is and I can’t seem to shake it out of my head.’
Brooke stiffened a little. ‘This is something of a surprise, Ben.’
He snorted. ‘And for me. You think I’m happy about it?’
She bit her lip thoughtfully. ‘Does Zara feel the same about you?’
‘Now you really do sound like a psychologist.’
‘Does she?’
Ben sighed. ‘She says she does.’
‘I guess that would explain all the phone calls. And does the colonel know about this affair?’
‘It’s not an affair,’ Ben said defensively. ‘Nothing’s happened between us.’
‘But does he know?’
‘Of course he doesn’t. And he’s never going to, because nothing’s ever going to happen.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Why do you think I’m not answering her calls?’
Brooke glanced knowingly at him. ‘Because you’re scared of what you’re feeling.’
Ben said nothing to that.
‘Can I level with you?’ she said.
He lit another cigarette. ‘You’re going to anyway. Why ask?’
She measured her words, not wanting to say what she was about to say. ‘Here’s what I think. If you love this woman and she loves you, why don’t you just go for it? You’ve been through a terrible time the last year or so. You’ve been as down as anyone can be. Who wouldn’t, after what happened to Leigh?’
She paused thoughtfully, then went on. ‘What I’m trying to say is, if now all of a sudden you’ve found someone new that you can love, that makes you one of the luckiest guys in the world. Don’t fight it. We only go around once, Ben.’
