The Shadow Project

‘You mean, what did I see in the guy?’

‘Past tense?’

‘Very past tense. It’s over.’

‘Since when?’

‘Since when do you think? Since all this happened. I don’t like the way he’s behaved. I think it’s disgusting, and I told him so at the hospital.’

Ben paused for a moment. ‘OK, what did you see in him?’

‘Why d’you want to know?’

‘Fine. It’s none of my business. Forget I ever mentioned it.’

She shrugged. ‘He seemed fun, and exciting to be with. He made me laugh. And he’s never been this obnoxious before.’

‘He’s a gobshite.’

She laughed. ‘Definitely a gobshite. That’s something I’ve come to realise.’

‘I could have told you before.’

‘Some psychologist, eh?’ She paused, and her smile fell away. ‘It’s not that easy sometimes, you know. Being me, I mean.’

‘Being you is hard? I can’t imagine why.’

‘I’m a professional woman living on her own. I work strange hours, I’m often not around. It’s difficult to meet guys. Especially the right guy. You don’t come across very many of those.’

‘You’re saying you’re lonely.’

She thought about it, then nodded. ‘I do get lonely, sometimes. London can be a very lonely place.’

‘I don’t understand why. You could get any guy you wanted.’

She snorted. ‘Somehow I don’t think so.’

‘I mean it. You’re fun to be with.’

She looked at him. ‘Really? You think?’

‘Absolutely. And you’re smart.’

Her lips curled into a bitter smile. ‘And opinionated.’

‘Maybe. But I like that about you.’

‘It drives most guys away.’

‘Only the arseholes. Think of it as a kind of filter. Quality control.’

There was another silence, just the crackle of the fire and the rain against the window panes. The wind was up, gusting down the chimney.

‘You know, Rupert wasn’t my first choice,’ she murmured.

Ben didn’t say anything. Took another deep sip of wine, then reached in his pocket for his cigarettes.

‘Of course, I couldn’t have my first choice,’ she added in an undertone.

But he didn’t seem to hear her as he flicked his lighter and lit up.

Brooke watched him, studied his face, the firelight throwing shadow into the lines bunched up on his brow as he sat quietly smoking. He’d always been a pensive man, she thought. But tonight he seemed unusually preoccupied, and something told her that there was more to it than what had happened with Steiner. Even more than the fear of losing Le Val and everything he’d worked for. There was something else.

‘What is it, Ben?’

He shrugged, took another drink. ‘I know you,’ she said. ‘I can see something is troubling you.’

He said nothing.

‘What happened in Switzerland?’

‘You know what happened. I—’

‘No,’ she cut in gently. ‘Not that. I’m asking you what really happened. You might have convinced Jeff with that story you told earlier on, but you didn’t fool me. There’s something else. Something you didn’t want to tell.’

He didn’t answer immediately. ‘You’re right,’ he said finally.

‘Then tell me.’

‘It’s hard to explain. I still don’t really know what happened. I think I saw someone.’

‘Someone?’

‘Someone I used to know. Someone I wasn’t expecting to ever see again. But I’m probably wrong. In fact, I’ve got to be wrong. It’s impossible any other way.’ He picked up his glass again and drank some more wine.

‘Why? What’s impossible? Stop drinking and talk to me.’

He shook his head.

‘Who did you see?’

He was quiet for a long moment.

‘Come on, Ben. Who was it? You know you can trust me.’

‘It was a woman.’

‘Oh.’ She dropped her hands in her lap, fidgeting.

He glanced at her, seeing the look in her eyes. ‘Not that kind of woman,’ he said.

‘What kinds are there?’

‘Not an old flame. Nothing like that.’

‘A former colleague?’

‘Not that kind either.’

‘An old friend?’

‘Not exactly.’

‘Then what?’

‘Let’s have another drink.’

‘Let’s not. Let’s talk about this. Why don’t you want to tell me the rest of it?’

‘Because I can hardly believe it myself,’ he said. ‘Because I think it must mean I’m going crazy.’

Brooke was quiet, watching him. She reached out and touched his cheek, tenderly. ‘You’re not crazy,’ she whispered. ‘You’re the least crazy person I’ve ever known.’

He grunted. ‘People change. People lose it.’

‘Not you.’

‘What makes me any different?’

‘You’re a lot different, Ben Hope. So tell me.’ He leaned forward, elbows on knees, ruffling his hair with his fingers. ‘I think I saw my sister,’ he said quietly. ‘Your sister?’

He nodded, slowly. ‘My sister Ruth.’

She looked baffled. ‘I didn’t know you had a sister.’

‘That’s exactly it,’ he said. His voice was just above a whisper, and she had to lean close to hear him. ‘I didn’t think I had, either. Not any more. Not for a long time.’ Then he turned his head slowly and looked Brooke in the eye.

‘Ruth’s been gone for more than twenty years,’ he said.

Chapter Twenty-Two

‘I told you it was crazy,’ he said when Brooke just stared at him. ‘Someone lost and gone, someone who’s just been a memory to me for most of my life, just turned up and is out there somewhere.’

‘I don’t understand any of this,’ Brooke said, shaking her head.

‘You’ve known me a long time,’ he said. ‘Remember when I quit the regiment?’

She nodded. ‘It was such a surprise to me. I heard it through the grapevine that you’d just upped and left. Nobody could understand why. Then I didn’t see you again for four years.’

‘And you asked me then what had happened, and why I’d started up in kidnap and ransom work. Why I