It was hard to keep my nerve in the face of this attack, which was as bad as anything I’d imagined. I tried to stay calm. I knew the worst thing I could do would be to act like a stupid emotional kid who wasn’t mature enough to make big decisions.
‘Well,’ I said, ‘the way I figure it is that my father made these business decisions, leasing the other places and borrowing the money and buying the cattle, because he knew it could work. So that means it must be possible to make the place pay. I mean, the only thing that’s changed is that he’s not here anymore. The farm’s the same and so are the stock and so’s the financial situation.’
‘That’s true on the face of it,’ he said. ‘But…’
I wondered how long an adult could talk to a kid without using the word ‘but’. About forty seconds’d be the record for most of them, and that’s on a good day.
‘But that’s a very superficial analysis. I’d have to say, and I don’t know how to put this kindly, your father did not make prudent decisions. I mean, the exercise with turkeys and geese was misjudged, and as I said to you before, it’s resulted in the property being saddled with debts, which in my professional opinion are more than can be sustained.’
‘But,’ I said, thinking it was about time I used the magic word myself, ‘land has suddenly become more valuable, now that there’s a lot less of it. And food is getting dearer by the day, especially food that needs a lot of space to produce, like beef and lamb.’
‘In the first place,’ he said, ‘your land has no value unless you sell it. Until that time it’s not worth anything in cash to you. In the second place, livestock production is a very chancy business. Disease, drought, theft, fire… there are so many slips twixt cup and lip. And the costs are enormous.’
‘I know that,’ I said. ‘I’ve been on the land all my life.’
‘There are lots of things on the land,’ he said. ‘Including manure.’
I didn’t like him very much after that. He went on though, without noticing my reaction. ‘For example, how do you plan to keep going in the next few months?’
‘Use the money in the bank,’ I said. ‘That’ll give us another month. After that, I’m not sure. Sell some cattle I guess.’
‘Well, there you are,’ he said in a tone of disgust, pushing himself back from his desk. ‘The cattle are your future profit. If you sell them now, so soon after buying them, where do you get your income after that? Anyway, that eight thousand dollars in the bank’ll soon be swallowed up. You have to eat and drink, remember. And pay electricity bills, and gas, and doctors’ bills if you get sick, and vet bills if the animals need attention. What about the funerals? I’ve just received the invoices for those.’
I’d forgotten about those. I was losing confidence fast. ‘How much are they?’ I asked, in a small voice.
‘It depends,’ he said. ‘Are you planning to pay for Mrs Mackenzie’s as well as your parents’? I gather you did sign an authority, although again, being underage, it’s probably not enforceable. I don’t think the undertakers realised how young you are.’
‘How much would it be if I paid for all three?’ I asked.
He consulted his notes. ‘Twelve thousand dollars,’ he said. ‘Twelve thousand, three hundred and eighteen dollars. And fifty-five cents.’
He had an air of triumph, as if to say ‘See, you stupid little girl, you have no idea of how the real world operates, do you?’
Twelve thousand dollars! I tried not to show any reaction, but the words ‘twelve thousand dollars’ echoed around in my head as though I were inside a huge empty silo.
But Mr Sayle went on, and I had to force myself to concentrate. ‘As it happens, a client of mine is interested in the property, and I believe he might be willing to pay as much as four hundred and twenty thousand dollars. I know that’s not quite as high as we were hoping for, but it’s a good price, and by selling to him you save all the costs of using a stock and station agent, and advertising.’
I sat there feeling furious, and stubborn, as stubborn as a kid on a computer. I folded my arms and glared at him. ‘Mr Sayle, I don’t want to sell the place, or give up the leases. A couple of the paddocks are about the best in the district. Dad always said that. Those cattle were pretty poor when we got them and they’re fattening up nicely. Sure it’s going to be rough for a while but in the long run it’ll come together. I’m not being stupid about this. I know I can make it work.’
He shook his head as he fingered his lips. ‘It’s a lovely idea,’ he said, ‘and I don’t blame you for feeling this way, when you’re still so emotional about what happened. But it’s simply not feasible. I’m sure you’ll come to see that eventually. My problem is what to do in the meantime. The longer you stay out there the more debt’s going to accumulate.’
He went back to his folder, gave a heavy sigh, and picked up yet another piece of paper. ‘I see here that under your parents’ will, your guardian until you turn eighteen is… oh — ’
I already knew what he had just found out, that my guardian was Mrs Mackenzie. Showed how much homework he’d done.
He went very red in the face. ‘Well, I’m not sure what the situation is for a minor who… I’ll have to talk to my colleagues. I imagine a court will say that… Who are your nearest relatives now?’
‘There’s my aunt, Mum’s sister, but she lives a thousand k’s away. They came to the funeral, but my uncle’s got cancer. And there’s my dad’s brother, Uncle Bob, but he married a Canadian lady and they live in Calgary now. He couldn’t get a flight for the funeral because of all the restrictions on the airports, but he’s rung a few times.’
Mr Sayle pulled hard on his bottom lip. ‘It’s a very unusual situation,’ he said at last.
‘Why do you want to know anyway?’ I asked. ‘I don’t need a guardian.’
He stared at me. I could almost hear the gears of his brain operating at maximum revs. Finally he said, ‘Legally of course you must have a guardian. But from my point of view it seems as though the only way to bring you to your senses is to have your guardian make the financial decisions on your behalf. An older person will see the force of my arguments.’
‘You mean,’ I said, taking a deep breath, ‘that my guardian could agree to have the property sold and I wouldn’t have a say in it?’
‘Well of course. Your guardian is in the role of a parent. Until you reach eighteen he or she makes all the decisions a parent would normally make for you.’
I picked up Gavin from the library, where I’d left him under threat of instant death if he came looking for me again, but this time he was on a computer, so he’d been happy enough to let me go to Mr Sayle on my own. I was still speechless with rage when I tapped him on the shoulder and told him we were leaving. As I did I caught a glimpse of myself in the reflective glass in the window, and I could see the two angry red spots on my pale face.
Even Gavin had the sense not to ask me anything until we were well clear of Wirrawee.
Back home I headed for the phone. At times like this I needed friends, and I was lucky that one of my friends had a mother who was a lawyer.
Fi’s mum has always been a good listener and she had plenty of opportunities to practise during this phone call. I guess I still hadn’t let loose with much in the way of emotions since my parents were killed. I hadn’t even cried. There were people around, visitors before the funeral and after the funeral, people at the funeral too, who seemed to be waiting for me to cry, who actually kept saying, ‘Go ahead and cry, Ellie, you’ll feel better,’ as though it were somehow incredibly important to them that I cry. They were like spectators at a car wreck, slowing down to get a good view of the blood.
I didn’t cry when I was talking to Fi’s mum either. I was too angry to cry. But the words poured out of me, like at least one dam inside had broken, even if the others kept firm.
Finally though I ran dry, and stood there in the kitchen, leaning against the wall, phone held to my ear, waiting for her to say something.
It was kind of reassuring to hear that she was as calm and together as ever.
‘Ellie, I don’t know if it’s a good idea to try to hang on to the farm. I can’t tell at this distance. But I can see how you have an emotional need to stay there, in the short term at least. Mind you, I’m not sure if it’s good for you. But those are the kinds of decisions a guardian can help you with.’
‘But I don’t know who they’re going to give me as a guardian,’ I wailed.
‘Well, it doesn’t work like that. Not at your age. If you were a six-year-old, that’d be one thing. But you’re old
