Gwurm fiddled with his little finger, twisting it all the way around. 'Who? Soulless Gustav? Do you want me to stop saying Soulless Gustav? Because if you really want me not to say Soulless Gustav anymore, I'll stop saying Soulless Gustav. You just have to ask.'
'Stop saying it!'
'What's that?' Gwurm adjusted his ear. 'Stop saying what?'
'Stop saying Soulless Gustav!'
Penelope smacked Newt on the bottom with her bristles. Thinking it the sorcerous wrath of Soulless Gustav himself, the duck jumped in the air with a howl. He flapped his wings madly, fell to earth, and jerked tensely upright. His head twisted back and forth, up and down. My undead ears heard his heart thundering.
Gwurm cracked a crooked grin. Penelope shook. Even Wyst chortled ever so lightly.
'Fine. You got me to say it. Very funny. All I'm saying is that even if He's not real, even if He's just a story, there's no point in taking the risk, however negligible it might be.'
Gwurm and Penelope decided they'd tormented Newt enough and agreed. But the sorcerer was still a topic of conversation. Though he refused to sit on Gwurm's shoulders, Newt relented to talk about Soulless Gustav as long as the name went unspoken.
'They say he was born without a soul,' Newt said. 'That's why he's so mad and evil. And that he must feast upon the souls of virgins to survive, like the Lords of Inferno themselves. And that all the unfortunate soulless virgins are kept as his slaves, an army of beautiful, empty flesh. Neither dead nor alive nor undead but something wholly different and unnatural.'
'I'd heard the same,' said Gwurm. 'Only I'd heard it told that he was born with a soul but lost it.'
'Sorcerers don't often traffic with demons.'
'I didn't say he'd sold it. I said he'd lost it.'
Wyst agreed. 'They say he was a good man, but one day, he misplaced his soul.'
Newt sighed. 'That's preposterous.'
'It's just what I've heard.' Wyst remained serious, and I couldn't tell if he was jesting or not. 'It doesn't seem any more preposterous than having one's brain liquefy for merely saying a name.'
Gwurm said, 'I lost my mother's nose not long after leaving home.'
Newt balked. 'Her nose.'
'It's troll tradition. Something to remember her by. But I lost it, and it drove me quite mad with irritation. Took me weeks to get over it, but in the end, it was just a nose. I remember my mother just as well without it.'
He ran a thumb across his wide chin. 'But still, it did get to me those weeks. And I would imagine misplacing one's soul would be a thousand times worse. It
'I still think it makes more sense that he was born without one.'
'More sense, perhaps,' I agreed, 'but magic isn't always sensible.'
'You didn't see any souls while you were lost did you?' asked Gwurm. 'Good chance if you had it would have been his.'
Newt wasn't amused and ignored the question. 'Your mother's nose, you say?'
Gwurm nodded. 'It was blue with a wart on the end. You didn't come across anything like that either, did you?'
'No. No misplaced souls. No lost ears. No mislaid noses.'
'Well, keep an eye out for it next time you're there.'
'I will.'
He muttered something about eating it should he ever find it.
22
My curiosity got the better of me, and I hopped off Gwurm's shoulders to speak with the road. I knelt low and asked, 'Have I been here before?'
He spoke with a rough, dry voice as any neglected, dusty road should.
'Leave me alone.'
'I beg your pardon, but I think I've been here before.'
'Perhaps you have,' he grunted. 'Perhaps you haven't. A great many feet have trod upon this old road. I can't be expected to remember them all.'
Despite his protests, I knew every road recollected all those who'd traveled upon it. I also knew that such an old, neglected road wouldn't volunteer information freely.
'And how very presumptuous of you,' the road added, 'to ask me anything after treading so callously on my back.'
'I'm sorry, but isn't that what roads are for?'
'Oh, yes. To be walked and rolled across without thought all hours of the day, that is my job. Answering questions is not. Now on your way. Stomp away with your cruel hooves and clomping troll feet, but stop pestering me with questions.'
Not all roads were so bitter. A well-used, well-tended road is a contented beast of burden. All too often, prosperity leads men elsewhere, and the streets are left behind to grow resentful. This particular road could never have been that important to begin with. He didn't even have remembered greatness to ease his ill temperament.
I stood for a moment, saying nothing.
'Off you go,' the road growled.
I remained. None of my companions questioned my motives though Newt did clear his throat impatiently.
'Oh, the cruelty of it,' the road lamented. 'I, who have helped a thousand travelers find their way, can't even flee from a single bothersome witch. Wait as long as you like. I have nothing but time.'
I let Penelope go, and she immediately set to sweeping.
'Oh, my. That feels ...' The road exhaled. Soft clouds of dust rose and fell. '.. . splendid. It's been ages since I've been tended to. That's it. Now to the left. More. More. Just right.'
I snapped my fingers, and Penelope returned to my side.
'Don't stop! Don't stop!'
'Answer my question, and I'll allow her to continue.'
The road didn't hesitate. 'Yes, yes, you've walked with me before.'
'When?'
'Years are meaningless to me, but I know it was when I was more well traveled. Long ago. Your promise. Keep your promise.'
'Of course.'
Penelope was every bit as eager as the road. She danced back and forth as he sighed pleasurably at her tender caress. He directed her between approving murmurs, and his pleasure drove her into a fervor of sweeping.
'What's wrong with her?' asked Newt.
I climbed back on Gwurm's shoulders.
'Harder,' groaned the road. 'Oh, yes! That's it. That's the spot!'
Newt squinted curiously.
I covered his eyes. 'It's impolite to stare.'
We continued. Penelope fell behind, tending to the road. I trusted she would catch up and left her to her passion. It was barely an hour later that a broken-down cottage came into view. Like the land, it was oddly familiar. I ordered a stop.