perfectly capable of making innocuous small talk for the entire interminable evening, while the real issues seethed below the surface, unexpressed, but tormenting everyone. Now, my life among the stiff-upper-lip crowd in Britain had not exactly enhanced my ability to advocate plain-speaking, but the knowledge that my stay in the United States was limited compelled me to introduce a little reality into the proceedings. I couldn’t afford to wait out the months that would elapse between innuendo, ironic aside, inter-family conferences, and finally the reproachful understatement of a by-then-insoluble problem. I had a plane to catch.
In a lull just after Dad’s monologue about the Cincinnati Reds and Mother’s last question about the weather in Edinburgh, I said, “Look, folks, this is a charming family reunion, and I really appreciate your coming over to welcome me back, but could we stop shoveling the-the social pleasantries here and talk about what’s really going on?”
Just for a fraction of a second they glanced at each other. Then after one of those little pauses, reminiscent of the silence between the lighting of the fuse and the instant of detonation, Mother said, “What is that, dear?”
“You told her about the separation yourself, remember?” said Bill. “And I told her everything else. Even the goldfish injunction.”
Mother looked thoughtful. Finally she gave a little shrug, smiled, and said, “We have always tried to shield you children from any unpleasantness. I suppose, though, that you are no longer children.”
“I was your attorney,” Bill reminded her.
“Look,” I said, hoping to forestall any embarrassing speeches about people drifting apart or the male mid-life crisis. “I’m sure that if you two find a qualified marriage counselor, you can work out whatever little problems are causing all this fuss.”
“Problems?” said Daddy in that gruff voice he uses when he’s annoyed. “We don’t have any problems. We have simply decided to go on with our lives. You children are grown, so you are no longer a consideration in our staying together. So we decided to please ourselves.”
“You certainly did,” said Mother, with more than a touch of sarcasm.
“I’m seeing someone,” Daddy muttered.
I think I said “Oh.” I must have-because my mouth was in exactly that round shape that it forms when you say
Nobody said anything.
“And if marriage counseling is expensive, then I’d be happy to pay for the sessions,” I said gently. “I can’t stand by and see Mother’s heart broken.”
My mother chuckled.
Bill and I looked at her suspiciously. “Don’t worry about me, you two. I don’t want him back,” she said.
“What?” we cried.
“Oh, for years I’ve been thinking that once you children were launched safely into the world, I’d be free to do what I want to do. Until now I’ve spent all my life being told what to do by some man. First there was Dad. Then I married Doug when I was too young to know who I wanted to be. Since then I’ve been a den mother, a bridge partner, a housekeeper, a wardrobe consultant, a chauffeur-but I got lost in the shuffle. Now I want to be Margaret, not Doug’s wife or Bill and Elizabeth’s mother. I suppose I wouldn’t have had the courage to try life on my own, but when Doug had his hormone attack with that sweet young thing”-she giggled-“I decided that I was entitled to start over, too.”
“She’s just saying that,” said Bill. “She doesn’t want any of us to worry.”
“I don’t mind if you worry,” Mother replied. “I certainly worried enough about you two when you were growing up. Since you seem to be concerned, I’ll tell you that I’m going white-water rafting on the New River next weekend with Troy Anderson. I met him in my karate class at the community college.”
“Karate class,” Bill echoed.
“We’ll be all right, kids,” said Daddy, looking disgustingly cheerful. “But if you two need any counseling sessions to get over the trauma of your parents’ divorce, I’ll be happy to foot the bill.”
Sarcasm is a very irritating habit. Unfortunately it runs in our family. It practically gallops. There seemed nothing left for me to do but return to Scotland, where my wonderfully unsarcastic husband was waiting.
My parents left after that. Daddy said he had dinner plans; Mother murmured something about expecting a phone call. Bill and I looked at each other across the table of half-full wine cups and shrugged.
“Well, we tried,” said Bill. “And Mom is right. We are grown. Powell Hill tells me that the state has dropped the investigation. The law firm is solvent. I guess I’ll be all right. And you have a husband and an inheritance, so you should be fine.”
“Fine?” I echoed. Honestly, men have no sense of values. “Where are we supposed to have
“Yeah. Kind of makes you feel like an Eastern European country, doesn’t it?” Bill mused.
“So you are going to let them do this?” I demanded.
He shrugged. “Mother fired me, remember? I don’t think either of us can stop it. All we can do is try to stay close to both of them in their separate lives. And remember we’ve always got each other.”
He beamed at me like an earnest sheepdog, and I patted his hand. “I’m so glad you’re my brother, Bill,” I said. “And not my attorney.”
Sharyn McCrumb
