Prey

Ryan

I'm still pissed when I tell Lori about my conversation with Dad. “Gay! He thinks I'm gay because I don't talk about girls or date anyone.”

We're half dressed, wrapped in a blanket on her sofa. “Want me to write you a note telling him you aren't?” she asks.

I pull away, see that she's joking and settle back again. “He wouldn't believe it. He thinks I'm just a stupid kid.”

“You're no kid,” she says, kissing my neck and sending a shiver up my back. In some ways, I can't get enough of her. In other ways, I miss my old life, hanging with my friends, going to basketball games, nothing more on my mind than dating some hot chick like Patti Warner in my lit class.

“My friends are riding me too,” I say.

“How so?”

“They keep wanting me to be more like the Ryan they used to know.”

I want to tell her that I feel as if I've been cut in half and belong to two universes—half to the high school universe, half to hers. She and I used to talk more. I could pour out all my feelings to her and she'd soothe me, make me feel as if my thoughts and ideas mattered. Not so much these days.

She pats my bare leg. “Forget them. You don't need them. We have each other. Aren't I enough for you?”

I wish I had the guts to tell her I'm afraid of being totally cut off from all the other things that mattered in my life until she came along. I'm afraid to even mention going to the girls' basketball game on Friday night, then out for burgers and a movie. I do tell her, “You don't play basketball. I miss going to the games.”

“We can go to the games.”

“We can't sit together.”

“Sure we can. We just can't hold hands.” She playfully tugs my ear and blows into it.

I pull aside. “I'm serious. People are starting to wonder about me and why I never show up for school events. They keep riding me about keeping secrets from them.”

“They're self-centered, Ryan. They want you to be at their beck and call. Don't give in to them.”

I could remind her that the two of us sure keep secrets from each other. She hates her family, can hardly speak about her dad without going into a blue funk. Makes me realize that mine might not be so bad. I don't know what her dad did to her—she won't say—but somehow her mother is involved and Lori hates her, too.

Lori can be warm and sexy. She can also be cold and possessive. I don't get her, and when she goes in that dark direction, I want to go back to my other world, where things aren't as confusing and complicated.

“I'm just saying that I could spend a little more time with my friends. Make them back off with all their questions. ‘Why don't you hang with us? Why aren't you around more? Why don't you come to games, or over to my house, or have us over for movies and video games?’ ” I repeat the list of questions I hear most often.

“And what do you want?”

Her eyes have turned all wary and I know I'm on thin ice, but I suck it up and say, “Maybe we should back off a little. Just until I can get back into my groove with my friends so they'll stop hounding me.”

She straightens and stares hard at me. “Why are they so important to you? Can they give you what I can?”

“No, of course not.” This isn't going as well as I'd hoped. “My dad's got neighbors spying on me, and what if someone sees us together?” I know one of her worst fears is that we'll get caught.

“We're careful.”

“Sure, but it only takes slipping up one time.”

“But we're not going to slip up. We have each other. Damn your friends.” She stands abruptly, taking the blanket, leaving me naked.

“Hey!” I grab at the blanket. “I'm cold.”

“Me too, Ryan,” she says. “You make my insides cold when you talk about dumping me.”

“I never said that.”

“It's what you mean. You think I can't read between the lines? You want to prove to your dad you're not gay. You want to prove to your friends that you're the same guy you used to be. And how do you do that? Why, by bringing home pretty little girls for them to inspect and then declare you ‘normal.’ You'd rather be with those empty-headed little teen twits than with me.”

“I never—”

“We belong together. You and me—together. Lori and Ryan. Forever. I've given you everything, every inch of my body. All of my heart. And now you want to throw me away?” She starts to cry and I sit stupefied, my brain spinning, unable to follow her logic.

“I love you,” she says. “I thought you loved me.”

It makes me feel squirmy whenever she uses the “l” word, and she's been saying it more and more lately.

“You do love me, don't you, Ryan? Tell me you love me.”

Her face looks blotchy and I don't want her to freak out. I leap up and grab her and hold her against me so she's locked in my arms and can't move. Just the way I've seen Honey do to Cory when he gets out of control. “Hey, calm down. You're always my number one. Of course I love you. How can you think I don't?”

The blanket feels warm and soft on my skin, but I'm still cold. I feel her body relax and soon she stops crying.

“I don't know what I'd do without you,” she says. Her voice is husky and raw-sounding. “I just love you so much.”

“Me too,” I say, staring over her head and out the window at the tops of trees and open blue sky.

“Come to bed with me,” she says.

And because I don't know what else to do, I go.

Lori

I'm awake again at three in the morning. I reach across the bed for Ryan, but he's not there. He hasn't spent a night with me for a couple of weeks, and I miss him. His father isn't traveling as much, so he's been pinned in place at his house. No more sneaking out after midnight, then back in before five the way he used to. I miss parking and waiting at the end of his street, my heart pounding with anticipation until I'd see him coming down the sidewalk, dressed all in black. He'd get into my car and after a quick hug we'd hurry back to my place for a few hours together.

Now I'm alone.

I know that a night is only several hours long, but it always seems longer when I'm alone in the dark. I send Ryan an e-mail telling him how much I miss him and what I'd be doing to him if he were here. Cyberspace is a poor substitute for flesh and blood. Only a few more hours before I see him in class. This comforts me. Be patient.

He's restless. I see that. He's chafing against the rules we must obey. I can't change it. Not yet, anyhow, but someday…

I don't want us to get caught. It will ruin everything and take him away from me. The powers that be will throw me to the wolves. They'll come after me as if I were raw meat. And they'll surround Ryan like a pack of animals protecting their own from a bird of prey. I know what they'll think of me, what they'll call me, do to me. I don't care. Ryan's worth it. He still intrigues me, makes me want him even after all these months. I can't lose him. I can't.

Ryan

I've been lying to Lori. I've been telling her that Dad's traveling less. It's not true, but lately I've gotten a wake-up call about my grades. Failed two tests and am pulling Cs and Ds in every class except Lori's. She's giving me an A, but not because we're lovers— I'm actually working in her class. That idea is still hard for me to get my