“Well, don't forget, you have to pay the moving men.”
He looks blank; then a smile spreads across his face. “I'll take them to the mall, buy them a meal.”
We laugh at his joke.
“Thank you, Ryan. You're a lifesaver.”
His eyes linger on mine and I sense his willingness to do anything I ask. My breath quickens. The timing's wrong. I open the door. “See you Monday.”
“Sure, Ms. Settles.” He slides back into being my student.
“And one more thing.” He pauses and I give him a most important instruction. He nods and agrees.
I close the door behind him, hoping he'll keep his word.
Ryan
My friends are pissed at me. Honey and Joel both.
I feel bad about missing the library gig with Honey and Cory, especially when I hear that Cory went postal over something that only his brain can grasp. That's the thing about autism: no one can get inside Cory's head and see the world through his eyes, so we never know what sets him off. It just happens, so the main goal is to keep him from hurting himself until his brain wiring trips him back into our universe. I apologize all over myself and Honey says she understands and that I don't have to show up for Cory outings, but because I said I would, she was counting on me. I feel her disappointment vibes like arrows.
I can't tell her what I was really doing—moving furniture at Lori's place—even though Honey leaves me openings as wide as the freeway to spill my secrets into. The story about a science project is too lame to even repeat, so I tell her nothing, cling to loyalty toward Lori.
The last thing Lori said to me was “Ryan, I think it best if we kept this little adventure to ourselves. Will you do that, please?”
I had just spent an hour moving furniture around her bedroom and the rough feel of the wood was still on my hands, and the scent of her perfume was still in my nose. I told her, “You don't have to worry about that,” although now every cell in my body wants to shout it out to Joel. To anyone who'll listen.
Joel's mad at me too, but for different reasons than not helping Honey on Saturday. Joel's mad because on Thursday, I tell him I won't be a part of the freshman male idiot squad at Friday night's football game.
“But we planned doing this all summer,” he says. “At the pool. We talked about it with Ray and Steve. They're counting on us.”
We're in my garage and I'm doing some free weights to bulk up my chest and arms. “Plans change.”
“You're not going to the game?”
“No, I'm going. I'm just not stripping to my waist, painting myself half orange and half blue and standing in the bleachers cheering for our lousy team. Do you know how cold it's supposed to get by tomorrow night?” I drop the barbells with a thud onto the mat in the corner where I've set up my gym.
“So what? Ten guys are doing it,” Joel says, as if the herd mentality will make me change my mind.
“Then have fun. And don't let your tits freeze.”
“Every freshman class does it at the final home game of the year. It's a tradition.”
“So is hari-kari, but I'm not going there.”
Joel's mad. “What's gotten into you? You're not acting like yourself.”
“Why? Because I don't want to get half naked and act like an ass? Well, I don't.”
Joel is quiet for a minute. He blurts out, “It's a girl, isn't it? You're trying to impress some girl and don't want her to see you doing this.”
I turn so that he can't see my face and how close to the mark he's come. I know Lori goes to the games, and he's right. I don't want her to see me as I am— fifteen, ages younger than her. “Yeah, I'm a real babe magnet,” I say to Joel. “Don't you see them line up at my locker every morning?”
He stares.
I say, “Look, is this going to kill our friendship?”
He shrugs. “Course not. I just thought we'd do this together because we talked about it so much. We thought it would be fun.”
“You don't have to do this either, you know.”
“No. I said I would. I won't let the guys down.”
Every word drips with implication about my values as far as friendship is concerned. “Then see you tomorrow night—if it won't embarrass you to speak.”
Joel walks to his car, peels out of my driveway. I watch him go without regrets. He needs to chill. And grow up.
Lori—Ms. Settles in the classroom—treats me … well, I'm not sure. Some days I think she looks right through me. Other times, her eyes connect with mine and I go hot all over. I think about going to her room after school. I think about asking, “So how's the new furniture arrangement working for you?” Sometimes during class I goof off, say a few things that make the kids in the room laugh. She often smiles too, but quickly puts on her teacher face and tells me to settle down.
Right before Halloween, she makes an announcement to the whole class. “Look, if any of you would like something to do this Saturday, the Fulton firefighters are sponsoring a carnival and pumpkin sale at Centennial Park. One of the firemen lives in my complex and his wife asked me if I knew of any teens who might be interested in volunteering to help. I said I'd ask my classes.” Hands shoot up. Not mine. Ms. Settles smiles. “If you can come, show up Saturday morning at eight in the park. I really appreciate your willingness to help. And it's all right if you can't come. It's just a nice thing to do.”
I swear she looks right at me when she says this. If I can't come. Wild horses couldn't keep me away.
Joel drives me and Honey and Jessica to the park. I think Joel has a thing for Jess, but I don't ride him because he's still honked at me for bailing on the football game/body painting fiasco. I don't care. I kept my dignity.
At the park we join up with an assembly of kids from Ms. Settles' world history classes. I'm surprised at how many showed up. “Butt kissers,” Honey whispers.
“So why did you come? You're not even in any of her classes.”
Honey blushes. “Duh … to get out of cleaning the house.”
I grin. “And I thought it was to do a good deed.”
“That too.”
A fireman comes over and gives a spiel about what's going on, offers us choices of where we can work for the day. I notice that he can't keep his eyes off Lori. Why should he? She's dressed in jeans, black boots and a black turtleneck with a wow factor of ten plus.
I choose to help kids at a game where they catch magnetic fish in a dry wading pool for prizes. Honey tags along. After about fifteen minutes, I've taken a ton of fish off the magnets and Honey's passed out a ton of cheap prizes. I say, “We should have brought Cory. He'd love this.”
“Mom wanted me to bring him, but I didn't want to spend my time watching him. What if he went off like he did at the library?”
She's never going to let me forget how I let her down. We work for an hour and I decide to go grab us some hot chocolate at the concession tent. I'm in line when a voice from behind me asks, “Having fun, Ryan?”
I turn to see Lori. The smoothness of her voice and the way she says my name make my heart trip. “Sure.”
“I didn't think you'd come,” she says.
I shrug. “Why not? I had nothing else going today.”
She smiles. “I appreciate so many of my students giving up their Saturday to help others. It's kind of you.”
“I guess I'm in the habit of giving up my Saturdays for you, Ms. Settles.”
She arches one perfect eyebrow. “Not a burden, I hope.”
I should have kept my mouth shut. The last thing I want to do is offend her, but sharing cappuccino in her kitchen, moving her possessions, was good stuff for me. I want her to think of me not as just some kid in her class.
