Fletch’s Moxie

“But there was no one on location, Geoff,” Gerry Littleford said, “except those of us actively making the film. The location had been secured.”

“Bullsdroppings,” said McKensie. “At that moment, there were several alleged members of the press on location. You can’t tell me one of them couldn’t have been a kill artist.”

“Me again,” said Fletch.

“You,” said McKensie. “You’re a member of the press? I haven’t been able to find a typewriter anywhere in this house. I spent the afternoon lookin’. In your own room, there isn’t a pad of paper, or a pencil, a camera…”

“Good point,” said Fletch.

“What the hell were you doin’ on location then?” McKensie asked.

“I admit,” said Fletch, “getting on location wasn’t that difficult. I expect anybody who really wanted to, could have. But… they’d have to show some identification.”

Finally, Koller’s cholera caroomed. “McKensie,” he said, “you’re full of down-under dung. So far you’ve made three small—very small—films, somewhere in the Outback, a million miles from nowhere, no pressure on you, with all the time in the world. Artsy-smartsy films. For God’s sake, they haven’t even really been released outside Australia. Your world-wide audience would fit into a mini-bus. And everyone in the back seat would only pretend to understand what you’re tryin’ to do. And suddenly you’re God Almighty. The Grand Auteur. Listen to me, babe—I’ve made more films that you’ve ever seen. You know how many films I’ve made? Thirty eight! Okay, so the last five didn’t do so well. Three is all you’ve made, buster! Hell, my wife knows more about directing than you’ll ever know, just from listenin’ to me talk. And I’ve made better films than you’ll ever make. Damn it all, at least when I film night scenes like in Midsummer Night’s Madness, I give the audience enough light to see what’s goin’ on. You make that film and the last third of the picture would be so dark, the audience wouldn’t even be able to find their way out of their seats to go home.” Koller took a deep breath. “Just because some of us are courteous to you, kid, don’t think you’re such a hotshot.”

McKensie didn’t seem too disturbed by this laceration. He was eating his lime pie.

“Well,” Edith Howell said into the thick silence, “where did John Meade go? Fletch, you said he was just doing an errand.”

“He is. Just ran up to New York for a minute.”

“New York?” exclaimed Edith. “For a minute? We’re two thousand miles from New York, aren’t we?”

“Just for a minute,” Fletch said. “Doing an errand for Moxie. He’ll be back tonight. John said he’d do anything in the world for Moxie.”

“Mister McKensie,” boomed Mooney in what doubtlessly was meant to be taken as a proper manner. “Mister Peterkin tells me you are about to commence principal photography on a film of William Shakespeare’s Midsummer Night’s Dream.”

Everyone at table looked at everyone else.

“O.L.,” Moxie said gently.

“If so,” continued Mooney, now obviously addressing Sy Koller, “I should very much like to be considered for a part, however small…”

Gerry Littleford giggled.

“Not Oberon, of course,” conceded Mooney, “bit too thick in the leg for that these days. But you might consider me for Theseus, you know. I’ve played it before, and I’ve always thought Philostrate a smashing role.”

“Really, O.L. Stop it.”

“Well, daughter, no one else seems to want to have me, these days. Of course, my managers rather ran up the price of my talents these last few years. I wouldn’t pay myself what people have had to pay me. I’m sure all that salary-fee business can be adjusted, for a small role. Mister McKensie—” Frederick Mooney smiled at Sy Koller. “—you’re in luck, as you’ve caught me between engagements, as it were.”

“Goddamn it!” Moxie exploded. “Why don’t you consider yourself retired?” She pushed her chair back from the table. “Superannuated? Shelved? Out to pasture?”

“Moxie?” Fletch said.

She stood up, nearly knocking her chair over. “Why don’t you think of joining mother in the asylum? You put her there. You’ve put yourself there. Why don’t you go?”

Moxie left the dining room.

“Her exits are getting better as the day goes on,” Stella commented. “I can hardly wait to see how dramatically she goes to bed.”

“She didn’t even slam a door that time,” Gerry said.

“That was good.” Sy Koller looked at where she had been sitting. “She created all the effect of a slammed door without slamming a door. All the effect of knocking over her chair without knocking it over.”

“What are you guys talking about?” asked Fletch. “There is no door.”

“There’s always a door,” said Sy Koller, “in your mind.”

“I have embarrassed my daughter,” uttered Frederick Mooney remorsefully. “She resists thinking of me as a bit player. She forgets, or she never knew, all the small things I have had to do… in this business, to keep afloat.”

“Coffee, anyone?” Fletch asked. Lopez had appeared with a pot.

“Global Cable News called again,” Lopez said while pouring out Fletch’s coffee. “A Mister Fennelli. I said I’d give you the message.”

“Thank you.” Fletch smiled at those remaining at table. “At the moment, I don’t think I have anything to report.”

19

After dinner, Fletch found Geoffrey McKensie in the billiard room playing alone.

Fletch chose a cue stick and McKensie triangled the balls.

They played almost through a game without saying anything.

Finally, McKensie said, “Sorry. Fraid I behaved pretty badly at dinner. I ran on like a young lady not invited to the garden party.”

“Not to worry,” Fletch said. “You had some things that needed saying and you said ’em.”

Continuing in the tone of one vexed with himself, McKensie clucked, “What will you Yanks think of us Aussies.”

“Us Yanks will think of you Aussies as lovingly as we always have.” At Fletch’s stroke, the cue ball neatly avoided every other ball on the table.

McKensie sank two and took his third shot.

“Good at sports, too,” Fletch said. “Damn it.” He bounced the cue ball off several, leaving McKensie with a wonderful lay. “Tell me, though—those things you said—were you saying them because you really believe someone in Jumping Cow Productions might really have been gunning for Peterman—or were you just saying them to dump on Koller?”

McKensie took a careful shot and sank two at once.

Fletch hung up his stick.

“I don’t know,” McKensie said. “It’s true—Koller was a good director—back before he sank his integrity in the briney. Nowadays, it doesn’t bother him to shoot a bad script—as long as he gets paid for it. What hurts is that he knows better. It’s also true that Peterman was mucking things up royally. He deserved the cold steel between his ribs.”

Seeing Fletch had quit, McKensie resumed playing by himself and cleaned off the table.

Fletch asked, “Do you think Peterman could have been sabotaging this film on purpose?”

“I can’t think of a reason. Nobody likes to lose money.” McKensie hung up his own cue. “But I’ll tell you, Peterman couldn’t have done more to torpedo that film if he were doin’ it deliberate.”

“Drink?” Fletch asked. “There’s some bad American beer.”

“Brought some scripts with me from home,” McKensie said. “Think I’ll go do some work on ’em. Somethin’ tells me Koller won’t want to continue talkin’ shop with me this night.”