The Face of Death

'Fuck me,' Rollins said, shaking his head. 'Well, if it bears out, that might change the outcome for the doer. If he was raping her, and threatening to do the same to your girl . . .' He shrugged, sad. 'It'll keep her from going down for murder.'

They both looked up as female officers led Theresa from the house in handcuffs. The girl kept her eyes on the ground and shuffled like a chained ghost.

'What do you want me to do?' she asked Rollins.

'Sit tight with the girl. Someone from Social Services is on the way over.'

'Yes, sir.'

Cathy watched as Theresa was helped into the backseat of a police car. The policewoman glanced over at her own vehicle. Sarah was staring through the windshield, watching the darkness, seeing nothing. A

Cathy was back with Sarah, sitting in her car while they waited for the woman from Social Services. Rollins had gotten a statement from Sarah. He'd been very good with the little girl; Cathy was grateful.

'Cathy?' Sarah asked, breaking the silence.

'Yeah?'

'You didn't believe me when I told you about the man at my house, did you?'

Cathy shifted in her seat, uncomfortable.

How do I deal with this one?

'I wasn't sure if I should believe you or not, Sarah. You were . . . pretty upset.'

Sarah scrutinized Cathy. 'Did you tell the other policepeople, though? What I said?'

'Yes. Of course.'

'They didn't believe me, did they?'

Cathy shifted again, sighed. 'No, Sarah. They didn't.'

'Why not? Do they think I was lying?'

'No, no. Nothing like that. It's . . . there's nothing that shows anyone else was there. And sometimes, when bad things happen, people . . . get confused. Not just kids. Grown-ups too. That's what they think. Not that you're lying. That you were confused.'

Sarah turned back to the windshield.

'I wasn't. Confused. It doesn't matter. The mean lady is here.'

Cathy saw a worn-looking middle-ager moving toward them.

'Mean, huh?'

Sarah nodded. 'Theresa said she was pure evil.'

Cathy stared at the little girl. She might have dismissed a statement like this yesterday. But now? The girl who'd killed a child molester to save Sarah had said the woman was 'pure evil.'

'Sarah. Look at me.'

The little girl turned to the policewoman.

'You hold on to my card. And you call me if you need me.' She indicated Karen Watson with a nod. 'Understand?'

'Okay.'

That's it, huh? That's all you're going to do for her?

The inevitable reply came, the one that Cathy pulled out in any situation that demanded more intimacy than she was willing to give: It's all I've got right now.

She was an old hand at ignoring the feeling of shame. She wasn't in quite enough denial to blame it all on dear old Dad, though. A

Karen had helped Sarah pack her clothes and shoes. She had been act ing really nice again. Sarah had understood: There were other people watching. Once they were alone, she'd known that Karen would turn mean again.

They were driving now, and sure enough, Karen was giving her angry looks. Sarah didn't care. She was too tired.

'Messed up a good thing,' Karen muttered. 'Not like you have many options. Well, now you'll see what happens when you can't get along.'

Sarah had no idea what Karen was talking about. Something bad. She was too sad to be afraid.

Theresa, Theresa, why why why? You should have talked with me. We were sisters. Now I'm all alone again.

They had pulled up to a large one-story building, made of gray concrete and surrounded by fences.

'Here we go, princess,' Karen said. 'This is a group home--you'll be staying here until I feel like giving you another chance with a foster home.'

They got out of the car. Sarah followed Karen to and through the front door of the home. They walked down a hall until they got to a reception desk. A tired-looking woman in her forties stood up. She had brown hair and was the skinniest person Sarah had ever seen. Karen handed a form to the woman.

'Sarah Langstrom.'

The woman read over the form, glanced at Sarah. She nodded at Karen.

'Okay.'

'See you later, princess,' Karen said. She turned around and walked away.

'Hi, Sarah,' the woman said. 'My name is Janet. I'm going to get you settled into bed for now, and then I'll show you around in the morning, okay?'

Sarah nodded.

Don't care, she thought. Don't care about anything. Just want to go sleep.

'This way,' Janet said.

Sarah followed Janet down the hallway, through one set of locked doors, then another. The walls were painted institution green. The floors were worn linoleum. The home looked like every other heavily used but grossly underfunded government building in the country. The hallway they were in now was lined with doors. Janet stopped in front of one and opened it, taking pains to be quiet.

'Shhh,' she said, putting a finger to her lips. 'Everyone's asleep.'

Janet kept the door open a crack so they could use the light from the hallway. Sarah saw that she was in a large room, fairly clean, filled with six sets of two-tier metal bunk beds. Girls of various ages were sleeping in each.

'Over here,' Janet whispered, indicating one of the sets of beds.

'The bottom bunk will be yours. The restroom is down the hall. Do you need to go?'

Sarah shook her head. 'No, thank you. I'm tired.'

'Go to sleep, then. I'll see you in the morning.'

She waited until Sarah had crawled under the covers before leaving. The door clicked shut and now it was dark. Sarah wasn't afraid of this dark, because she was in that place again, where she wanted to (Be nothing)

She didn't want to think about Theresa or Dennis or blood or strangers or being alone. She just wanted to close her eyes and see the color black everywhere.

She had started to fall into an exhausted sleep when she was woken up by a hand at her throat. It was choking her. Her eyes flew open.

'Quiet,' a voice whispered.

The voice belonged to a girl--a strong girl. The hand around Sarah's neck was viselike.

'My name is Kirsten,' the voice said. 'I run this room. What I say goes, period. You got it?'

She loosened her grip on Sarah's neck. Sarah coughed.

'Why?' she asked once she'd caught her breath.

'Why what?'

'Why do I have to do what you say?'

A hand came out of the dark. The slap rocked Sarah's head, and the pain was shocking.

'Because I'm the strongest. I'll see you in the morning.'

The shadow was gone. Sarah's cheek ached. She felt more alone than ever.

Yeah, but you know what?

What?