“You’d never have spotted us. I’d rather not have left the warehouse, but what choice did we have? We’d have all starved to death within the month.”
“Yeah, and you’ve fared so much better this way. Half of you never even made it to the chopper. Elspeth is dead. Cannon blew his brains out.”
Cahz took a threatening step forward. His thumb hooked under the armpit of the body armour, he pushed the vest out. “Look at this!” he shouted, presenting the sodden fabric to Ryan. “Look at this! This is my best friend’s brains. Splattered across me and the best part of that fucking garden back there! He died because he stayed behind to help you and your fucking ass wipe friends!”
“And who’s this helping?
“And now you’re going to wander off on your fucking own!” Cahz barked through a hoarse voice.
“Yes, Cahz, I am.” Ryan turned round and pointed a finger at the soldier. “And do you know why?”
Cahz scowled, saying nothing.
Ryan took an agitated pace towards him, the muscles in his arm taut from the effort of reining back his aggression. “Because with an attitude like that, you’ll get me killed quicker than the dead. Look, I’m sorry for Cannon. I truly am. But you’ve lost it. You don’t care anymore.”
Cahz started to speak but Ryan cut over him.
“You don’t care if either one of us survives. You’ve flipped and you just want to pick a fight. You want to take out that anger and frustration, and I can appreciate that. I get it. You’re set on marching along and wasting pus bags. But if you don’t snap out of it, your anger is going to get us both killed.”
Cahz’s face flushed red. “Fuck off. You’re talking crap!”
“No, you fuck off!” Ryan shouted. “Why the hell have you shot every one of those pus bags since we left the house? Why?”
Cahz didn’t answer. He stood trembling with anger, his nostrils flaring, his lips clamped shut.
“I’ll tell you why. Because you’re mad. You’re pissed off Cannon topped himself. Why didn’t you just club the dumb fucks?” Ryan demanded. “Why?”
“I… I…” Cahz stammered.
“You tell me not to fire unless it’s absolutely necessary.” Ryan’s head bobbed with each word. “But you’re wasting ammo left, right and centre.”
Cahz’s head shook with a strange tremor, like a geriatric with a neurological condition.
“Pull it together or you’ll get your ass bit off.” Ryan turned to leave. “I’ve seen it too often.”
He turned and walked off up a pathway between two houses. A frothy stream of muddy brown water sloshed its way down the slight incline towards Cahz. Ryan continued marching on, the runoff leaving indistinct footprints in the accumulating sediment.
Cahz snapped the carbine up to the firing position.
“Don’t walk away from me!”
He had the back of Ryan’s head framed in the sight.
Ryan stopped but didn’t turn around.
“Stop and about face!” Cahz barked. “That’s an order!”
“I’m not one of your soldiers,” Ryan said calmly. “I’m not under your command, Cahz.”
He turned around. His eyes widened as he saw the weapon trained on him.
Slowly he raised his hands to show his surrender.
“What are you going to do, Cahz?” Ryan said softly. “You’re all nice and democratic all morning; now you’re going to shoot a civilian with a baby? For what?” Ryan cocked his head slightly. “For what?”
Cahz’s teeth were clenched together, his muscles rigid with strain. The muzzle of the weapon was trembling as he barely kept his anger in check.
“You know what?” Ryan shook his head gently as he spoke. “Why don’t you just pull the trigger? Waste me like I’m one of those things and then do my daughter.” Ryan paused, staring down Cahz. “You’d be doing me a favour. I don’t have the luxury of topping myself like Cannon did. I have to look after her.” Slowly he brought his hands down from the surrender position and unzipped the rucksack.
He unveiled the crying child.
“I can’t give up on her, on Sam, or Elspeth. I have to keep going, not for myself, but for her.”
Ryan lifted the girl out and cradled her in his arms. The child was flushed bright red, screaming at the discomfort of the cold and the hunger.
Cahz looked down at his carbine. The black metal frame had fat drops of rain bouncing off its body. The same cold raindrops sprayed Cahz’s face, soaking his skin before dribbling off like the miniature river coming down the alley.
“When you decided to stay behind, is this where you thought you’d be?” Ryan asked. Droplets of water dripped from his chin as he spoke.
Cahz felt the pounding of his heart and the rush of breath. The bad taste still coated his mouth. He brought up some phlegm and spat it on the wet ground. The spit was instantly swept away by the fast current of the runoff.
He took a deep breath and lowered the weapon.
“Do you even know where you’re going?” he asked, his voice flat, his eyes still on the barrel of his weapon.
“We’ll work it out, man,” Ryan said. “We’ll work it out.” He lowered his daughter back into the shelter of the papoose and pointed off up the path. “I think there’s a school this way; fences and a big flat playing field.”
Cahz took a snort of breath in through his nose and followed where Ryan was gesturing.
“Sounds like the best plan,” he said, his chest still heaving.
The dark rain clouds eradicated the last light of day and a hazy gloom reduced visibility still further.
Ryan’s thoroughly soaked jeans clung to his legs, chafing him with every step.
“How far have we got to go?” Cahz asked.
The pair were walking side by side. Cahz’s desire to distance himself had softened.
“Huh? Is that you whining?” Ryan laughed.
“No. I want to know if we’ll make it before it goes dark,” Cahz said.
“It’s just down this road,” Ryan answered.
“You said that ten minutes ago.”
“I know, I know,” Ryan said defensively. “Look, I don’t know this area that well. I only ever drove down here back in the day. It’s much further when you’re walking.” He scratched his chin. “Well, it’s not any further, it’s just taken longer than I expected. You know what I mean?”
“Yeah, I do. Me and Cannon walked over a hundred miles to get to safety when the whole thing kicked off,” Cahz said. “Some days you’d walk for hours, then you’d look at the map and you couldn’t see any progress.”
“You and Cannon been friends since the kick-off?” Ryan asked.
“Yeah, basically,” Cahz said. “A handful of us regulars managed to get out of Nelson.”
“Nelson?”
“Yeah, a pissant little town. Nothing there, but we’d been sent to set up checkpoints to test for infected. They were quarantining whole parts of the country, trying to stop the spread at that point. Well, the shit hit the fan, like it did everywhere. When we lost contact, our captain took the decision that we should bug out and head for a naval base on the coast. We took a royal fucking getting out of there and on the way out we acquired a bit of a following.”
“Pus bags?” Ryan asked.
Cahz sniggered. “Yeah, those as well, but I’m talking about civvies. Refugees spotted the uniforms and demanded we protect them. So the six of us that were left ended up escorting fifty-odd refugees all the way to the coast.”
“Was Cannon in your squad?”
Cahz looked across at Ryan. After a moment he faced forward again and said, “Cannon was one of the civvies.
