The Dingo Dilemma

Soulmate Discovery.'

'A dating service? A star wrangler working for an outfit like Glowing Bodies would need a dating service?'

Stung by Melodie's incredulity, Lonnie said furiously, 'Pauline says once you've got past the fame, celebrities are totally shallow and self-centered. You can't have a meaningful relationship with them, because they're all in love with themselves.'

'That's true,' said Fran. 'Quip says the same thing.'

Quip was Fran's husband, and wrote screenplays that so far had never been produced. He was a gorgeous bloke, and struck me as gay as billy-oh, but he and Fran seemed to have a happy marriage-or as happy as you could have with Fran's outlook on life.

Encouraged by Fran's support, Lonnie said with a superior smile, 'Pauline says if I want to meet celebrities, she can get me an invitation to any event I like. Just name it, and I'm in.'

A calculating expression flashed across Melodie's face. 'Now I think about it, Lonnie, I can see why Pauline would be drawn to you when all she does is handle high-maintenance celebrities. I mean, you're just an ordinary person.'

Looking quite chuffed, Lonnie said, 'She does say it's great to be with someone normal.'

'Or what laughingly passes for normal,' Fran observed.

The phone on the kitchen wall rang. As I was nearest, I answered it. Harriet, who normally was the most even-tempered person on earth, snarled, 'Put Melodie on.'

'It's Harriet for you,' I said, holding out the receiver.

Melodie grabbed the Delicioso box and shot out the door. 'Tell her I'm on my way with doughnuts,' she called back over her shoulder.

I passed on the message. 'About time!' Harriet snapped.

'Lonnie,' said Fran in a surprisingly sweet tone, 'about tomorrow…'

He was immediately wary. 'What about tomorrow?'

'We need to move the office stuff out of the storage room to make room for the disaster supplies.'

'You need to move the stuff, not me. I'm way too busy.'

Fran's near-pleasant expression vanished. 'Is that so?' she said icily. 'Then I'll be way too busy to provide you with essential supplies when the terrorists strike with a dirty bomb or germ warfare. Homeland Security says it's only a matter of time.'

Lonnie looked stubborn.

'Or when the Big One hits, which could be any day now.'

I shivered. I'd only been in LA a few months, but had already experienced a minor earthquake and lots of aftershocks. The thought of the Big One was just too horrible to contemplate.

'Countless frantic survivors,' said Fran, warming to the theme, 'crying out desperately for water, food, and medical equipment.' She paused meaningfully. 'The very supplies which I just happen to have stockpiled.'

'It'll never happen,' said Lonnie, without much confidence.

'Moaning in pain…'

Lonnie threw up his hands. 'Oh, all right. I'll help.'

Fran turned to me. 'Kylie?'

'Right-oh. I'll be there.'

The phone rang. It was Melodie. 'Your Aunt Millie's calling. Sounds real upset. I thought you might like to take it in your office.'

Hell's bells! First Mum, now Aunt Millie. A dark pessimism, worthy of Fran, swept through me. Could the day possibly get worse? I had the awful conviction that it could.

Three

'My Brucie's a headstrong boy,' Aunt Millie announced as soon as I picked up the phone. I could visualize her short, stocky body and grim expression-she and Fran shared the same bleak outlook on life-as she added darkly, 'I know only too well what the fleshpots of Hollywood have to offer a young, impressionable fellow like Brucie. I'm relying on you to keep him on the straight and narrow, Kylie.'

'Fair go, Aunt Millie! I'm on a case, so I won't have time to keep an eye on Brucie.'

Aunt Millie snorted scornfully. 'A case? Looking up Dingo O'Rourke is a case?'

Obviously Mum had told her all about Harry and Gert's worries about their son. 'I'm looking up Dingo as a favor,' I said, 'but that doesn't mean it won't take a bit of time to check things out.'

That elicited another snort from my aunt-she had a nuanced scale of such sounds, running from mild disapproval to total outrage. I pegged this one as mid-range derision. 'I can tell you exactly what's wrong with Dingo. He's an idiot, silly as a two-bob watch. But then, what would you expect, with a mother like Gert O'Rourke?'

There was a long-standing feud between Aunt Millie and Dingo's mum. The reasons were lost in time, but I dimly recalled it was something to do with a recipe for lemon meringue dessert and a blue-ribbon prize for cooking at the Wollegudgerie Harvest Fair.

'When does Brucie arrive in LA?' I asked in a conciliatory tone.

'Any day now. He went off to Sydney with some of his mates for a farewell bash before he hopped on the plane.'

Sydney was quite a way from my hometown, and Cousin Brucie hadn't ever traveled far from Wollegudgerie before. 'His mates didn't throw him a party at the 'Gudge?'

'They knew I'd have their guts for garters if they even tried. Brucie knows my feelings-I'm totally opposed to this wild plan of his to join your PI firm.'

Crushing down a yelp of deep dismay at the very thought of Brucie working for Kendall & Creeling, I said as calmly as possible, 'I'm totally opposed to it, too.'

'I hope you stick to that, my girl. Brucie can be a bit of a charmer, you know.'

I had to repress a laugh. My cousin a charmer? He was a noxious know-it-all with all the charisma of a warthog. 'I'll resist his charm as best I can,' I said.

There was a knock at the door. With pleasure I saw that it was Ariana Creeling, my business partner. I gestured her into the room as I said to Aunt Millie, 'Sorry, but I have to go.'

'Not until I have a firm undertaking from you that you'll make sure Brucie stays out of trouble.'

'Aunt Millie-'

'I'm relying on you, Kylie. Brucie is your cousin.'

'Cousin or not, you know Brucie and I don't get on. There's no way he'd listen to me.'

This got a reluctant grunt from my aunt. 'It's true you've been at each other's throats since you were kids. Very well, then, I'm asking you to do your best. Fair enough?'

'I'll do my best, for what it's worth.'

'Hmmm…'

The sound of Aunt Millie musing almost always presaged something unfortunate. 'What are you thinking?' I asked with trepidation.

'I'm thinking that notwithstanding my opposition to Brucie joining your PI business, you'd find it easy to keep an eye on him if you gave him some sort of temporary position.'

'No way am I giving Brucie a job at Kendall & Creeling!'

Aunt Millie tut-tutted. 'There's no call for you to use that tone with me.'

'I'm sorry,' I said, not really meaning it.

Before ringing off, Aunt Millie pointed out she would be expecting me to provide regular reports on Brucie's activities in Los Angeles. She brushed aside my protests with, 'Brucie's family, Kylie, and don't you forget it.'

After my second daunting call from Australia in the space of a couple of hours, it was a delight to turn to Ariana. She was her always-elegant self in black silk shirt, black pants and high-heeled boots. Her pale blond hair was pulled back to emphasize the cool beauty of her face. I felt the usual pleasant jolt from her electric blue