Wombat Strategy

I gave a squeeze to Julia Roberts, who I'd enticed to sit on my lap to comfort me after my ordeal. 'So I get out of the car, and the cop asks me if I've had anything to drink, and I say, no, not unless he counts two cups of tea and a glass of orange juice.'

'Good one,' said Harriet.

'Unfortunately the bloke didn't have much of a sense of humor.'

'Did he frisk you?' Lonnie's tone showed his strong hope I'd be answering in the affirmative.

'No. He just booked me.'

'Moving violation,' said Harriet.

'Traffic school,' said Lonnie.

'What's traffic school?'

Lonnie and Harriet exchanged glances.

Harriet said, 'It's hell.'

'It's worse than hell,' Lonnie said. 'They take an entire day to bore you to death.'

'Then I won't do it.'

They both looked shocked. 'You have to,' said Harriet, 'otherwise the violation's on your record.'

'Is that so bad?'

'You have no idea,' said Lonnie. 'For one thing, your insurance goes sky-high. Believe me, traffic school, painful though it will be, is the only way to go.'

'Traffic school?' Ariana was standing in the doorway, looking so cool and contained I imagined the air around her must be a degree or so colder than the rest of the room.

Time for humble pie. 'You were absolutely right, Ariana. I shouldn't have taken Dad's car. I've come a gutzer.'

A shadow of alarm crossed her face. 'And a gutzer would be?'

'No worries, the Mustang's all right. What I mean is, I was really a mug lair this morning, sailing along thinking I had everything under control. But when I came off the freeway I got confused and drove on the wrong side. Not for long, but long enough for a cop to see me and lower the boom.' I see.

'I should be thrashed within an inch of my life,' I declared. The corners of Ariana's mouth curled. 'I think traffic school will be punishment enough.'

'It's that bad?' She actually smiled. 'Worse than you can imagine.'

I wasn't keen on moving to the Deers' mansion this weekend. The reason I gave Ariana was I didn't want to leave poor Jules alone in the place all Sunday, just when she'd got used to having me around. Ariana may have guessed it was also because I was feeling rather more at home here at the office and didn't want to leave it.

There was something else too. I didn't trust Dave Deer. On the mansion's front steps, when we'd all been saying our farewells the night before, his hand had lingered on my shoulder, and his smile had seemed tinged with a hidden meaning. Perhaps it was my imagination, but I didn't think so. Back at the pub I'd had to beat off enough passes from blokes who'd hit the booze too hard not to recognize a come-on when I saw it. I'd take a bit of time and work out my strategy before I jumped feet-first into trouble.

Ariana gave Harriet time off to take me shopping to buy something new for the party tonight. I'd been resigned to wearing my plum dress again, so this was a bit of a surprise.

I got my second surprise-not nearly as welcome-when we got back a couple of hours later. A leggy, cheerful woman was waiting for Harriet. 'Hi, honey,' she said, followed by a kiss and a hug. Then she smiled widely at me. 'I'm Beth. You must be Kylie. Harriet's told me all about you.'

Major disappointment. It seemed I could cross Harriet Porter off my wish list.

My mind was taken off this setback by the arrival of Dr. Deer's security chief to discuss my undercover role.

We met in Ariana's office. 'Fred Mills,' he said, extending one pudgy hand. He had one of those clammy, spongy handshakes that always make me want to wipe my fingers afterward.

Ariana, I noticed, avoided shaking hands at all by retreating behind her desk.

'I've been liaising with Fred over the missing disks,' she said to me, 'so he's fully in the loop.'

Frankly, looking at the piggy eyes and loose mouth of the security chief, I had my doubts this was a good thing. Fred Mills was middle-aged and not wearing it well. He had a gut that threatened to pop the buttons off his shirt and a thick neck bulging over his collar. And I'd describe his expression as a smirk shading into an outright leer.

Hands on hips, he stood back to look me up and down. 'Well, well, and this is the undercover babe, eh?'

I glanced over at Ariana. She disguised it well, but I caught a look of distaste before her face became professionally blank again.

'Jeez, Fred,' I said, 'haven't been called a babe since I was in nappies.'

'Nappies?'

'Diapers,' Ariana translated.

'Heh, heh.' Fred apparently thought I'd made a joke of some sort. When no one joined in, he stuck out his lower lip, and said in a truculent tone, 'No need to get on your high horse. I was just being friendly.'

'That's bonzer, Fred. Thank you so much. And how are you?'

He blinked at my cheery tone. 'Me? I'm all right.'

'Good-oh,' I said. 'So let's get down to business. Who do you think took the disks?'

Fred narrowed his piggy eyes until they almost disappeared in folds of flesh. 'I believe that's Kendall & Creeling's worry, not mine. I'm concerned with the security of Dr. Deer's professional building in Beverly Hills and, of course, his home.'

'Aren't patient records part of what you're supposed to secure?'

His jowls jiggled as he shook his head. 'No, no. That's medical. I don't touch medical.'

Ariana said, 'The in-depth background checks on Deerdoc staff we've been doing are turning up some anomalies. It's apparent that some people would not have been offered jobs if the information had been available.'

We got the jowl ripple again as he shook his head some more. 'Not my responsibility. That's human resources.'

'What is your responsibility, Fred?' I asked with genuine curiosity.

He shot me a look that said Bitch! but his words were mild. 'I'm in charge of all measures to keep Dr. Deer and his wife safe and free from harassment. That includes maintaining the integrity of the two buildings, and in the case of his home the surrounding grounds as well.'

He seemed pleased with his answer, which had the sound of something rehearsed.

I should have resisted asking, but I didn't. 'Isn't the theft of the files breaking the integrity of the building, even if the files themselves aren't your responsibility?'

Fred gave an irritated grunt. 'Look, little lady, I'm a professional. Ariana here's a professional too. If you don't mind me saying so, you're an amateur. A rank amateur. I don't want to be unkind, but to be brutal, you don't know what you're talking about. And if it was up to me, you wouldn't be in the picture at all.'

Ariana dispatched a warning glance in my direction, which I took to mean she wanted me to stop chiaking this bloke. So I did, listening with hardly a comment while he rabbited on about how I had to report to him if I noticed anything unusual or noteworthy.

When he stood to go, his good humor had been restored. With a superior smile, he said, 'Could be you'll get out of your depth. Could be you actually find something useful. Whatever, just holler, little lady, and I'll be there. Just holler.'

Ariana saw him out and came back amused. 'Reassured?' she said with a sardonic lift of an eyebrow.

'Heaps. This little lady just has to holler. Simple, really.'

EIGHT

Ariana couldn't be seen giving me a lift to the Deers' function, and I wasn't game to drive the Mustang at night, so Fred Mills was to pick me up. He arrived in a shiny, bulky black vehicle that looked as though a truck and an SUV