I looked at my G-Shock, the one I'd bought to replace the one I'd lost. It was a Baby-G this time--the new one--and when you pressed the backlight button, a little surfer came up on one of the displays. I quite enjoyed that, even though it was the same little man doing the same little surfing thing every single time. Sad but true.
It was just past one o'clock. They weren't there yet. Trying to ease my guilt I took Kelly on a sightseeing tour of the shops and she landed up with bars of chocolate, an airline teddy bear and an All Saints CD. It was the easy way out; I knew it wouldn't achieve anything, but it made me feel a bit better.
We went back to the Costa Coffee shop and sat on bar stools with a view of the terminal entrance. She had an orange soda, I had a flat white, if that was what they called it, and we both had a sandwich as we sat watching a packed airport get fed, catch planes and generally spend more money in one hour than they would in an entire day on holiday.
Kelly said, 'Nick, do you know how long it takes before an elephant is born ?'
'Nope.' I wasn't really listening; I was too busy bending over my coffee and looking out for Wallace and Gromit, resisting looking at my watch.
'Nearly two years.'
'Oh, that's interesting,' I said.
'OK, do you know how many people were in the world in I960?'
'Three years.'
She'd sussed me out.
'Nick ... Three billion. But very soon the world will have a population of six billion.'
I turned to look at her.
'You're very clever for a--' Then I saw what she was doing: reading facts off the back of sugar packets.
'That's cheating!'
At last I got a smile from her. It turned into an actress's smile when she said through gritted teeth, 'Oh, look. Granny and Grandad.'
'Well, off you go then and say hello!'
Muttering under her breath, she got off her stool and ran over to them.
Their faces showed a mixture of relief at finding us and self-congratulation at being brave enough to be out and about in such a big, busy place. Kelly gave them both a hug; she did love them, it was just that they weren't the sort of people you'd want to spend all day with, let alone a bonus weekend.
Their trouble was, they didn't actually do anything. They didn't take her to the park or on outings; they just kind of sat there expecting her to draw pictures and drink cups of tea.
Jimmy was wearing cream flannels and a beige anorak; Carmen wore clothes from the sort of catalog that had Judith Chalmers on the cover.
Jimmy's face seemed to have no features whatsoever; he looked as if he'd been designed in a wind tunnel. Kev must have got his dark skin and eyes from his mother, who still looked attractive, even if she did believe people really thought her jet-black hair was natural.
The pair of them were busy fussing all over Kelly, asking her what she'd done as they walked toward me. I got in there first, flicking my eyes between them as I spoke.
'Jim, Carmen, how are things?' And before they could debrief me on the road conditions and the exact route they'd taken I got straight down to it.
'Look, I'm sorry about this, but I've got to go. You sure you're OK for the rest of the weekend?'
They were both very happy. It was like Christmas again, except that that time it had been Heathrow and Kelly had had to be picked up four days early. They never understood why someone so erratic had been chosen as her guardian; they didn't even know me and I was clearly not suited to the task. I bet they had me down as one of Kev's wife's friends. They never did like Marsha. When they weren't blaming me for their son's murder, they were probably blaming her, not that she was around to answer back.
Carmen busied herself doing up the top button of Kelly's shirt and tucking the whole thing back into her jeans. You can't take any chances, the drafts you get in airports.
I made sure they saw me take a quick look at my watch. I had loads of time, but it didn't mean I wanted to stay.
'I've really got to go now. Kelly, give us a hug and a kiss.'
She wrapped her arms around me and I bent at the waist so we could kiss. Carmen hated that, because Kelly didn't show them the same sort of sustained affection. She did with them only what she knew was expected, and I had to admit that made me feel good.
I looked her in the eye and mimed a phone call with my hand.
'I
promise.'
She raised an eyebrow and gave me a withering look.
'Is that a Nick promise?' she said quietly, so that only I could hear it. I suddenly saw about twenty years into the future; she was going to grow up into the sort of woman who could light a fire just by looking at it.
'No,' I said, equally quietly, 'it's an NPP.'
'What's that?'
'Normal person's promise.'
She liked that one and nodded.
I knew I'd dropped myself in the shit even more, just as my parents had done with me. By now it was almost unbearable. Carmen and Jimmy were uncomfortable with our private intimacy, and I really didn't know how to behave in these situations. I was feeling more guilty than ever. I just wanted to leave.
The look on Kelly's face made me remember my thirteenth birthday.
My parents didn't. They made up for it by running to the corner shop and buying a board game in the shape of a robot for seventy-five pence. The reason I knew that was because it wasn't even wrapped up, just in a bag with the price tag still on. I knew how it felt to be let down by the ones who are supposed to love you most.
I whispered in her ear, 'I've got to go.'
As I stood up, Carmen's nod told me I should have left ten minutes ago.
She said, 'We'll be hearing from you, then?' in that special way of hers that suggested she wouldn't exactly be holding her breath.
'Of course we will. Granny,' Kelly said.
'When Nick makes a promise he always keeps it.' She might be lying through her teeth, but she knew when to back me up.
I grinned.
'Yeah, something like that. Bye now.'
Jimmy smiled weakly. I couldn't tell if he was happy or just had wind. I couldn't remember the last time I'd heard him speak.
Carmen decided it was time for Kelly to cut from me.
'Oh, that's nice, you've got a record, have you?' she said.
'Who's it by?'
'All Saints.'
'Oh, they're good, aren't they? My favorite is the ginger one with the Union Jack dress.'
'That's the Spice Girls.'
'Oh, is it?' Carmen glared at me as if it was my fault, then rounded on Jimmy.
'Grandad doesn't like any of them; he doesn't go for all that piercing.'
Kelly looked at me and rolled her eyes. As the look changed to one of desperation, I turned on my heel and walked away.
made as if to go back to the car park, but instead jumped onto the transit train that would take me to the South Terminal. I kept thinking about the fuckup and how Kelly must be feeling, but I would have to cut from that soon. I decided to use the two-minute journey to sort out my guilt, then bung the work cassette into the back of my head before I got off the train.
The shuttle was full of all the usual airport suspects: young couples in matching football shirts, him with a team holdall, her with copies of Hello! magazine and word search puzzle books; and businessmen in suits, carrying briefcases and laptops and looking in dire need of The Little Book of Calm.
