All was not well at Camp Tom.
'Seriously, you okay?'
I wanted to sound surprised at finding him so down, but I could guess at the reason. Being so near the witching hour, reality was grabbing him by the throat.
'I'm really worried, Nick. You know, I? I?' There was a big sigh from him, and I knew he was trying to get out what he really wanted to say. 'I want to get home, Nick. I don't wanna do it, mate. No way am I going back inside?'
He didn't want to go back home; he just wanted reassurance that everything would be fine. I'd seen it plenty of times, men on jobs asking for one thing but really needing another, especially when they're scared. It's not a bad thing; fear is natural, and the secret is understanding that it's normal. Only then can you do the abnormal.
'Tom, I told you, this won't get you put away. No way would I be doing anything that would get me within a thousand miles of a prison. I've done some, too, you know.'
He looked up at me with tears in his eyes. 'I don't wanna go back, Nick. There were some hard boys in there, know what I mean?' His mouth quivered. 'I couldn't hack it, mate.'
I knew then exactly what he was crying about. Tom might play at being Jack the Lad, but behind bars he'd been fair game for the boys locked up for a long stretch.
I thought about my time in reform school and how much I'd hated it. If the wing daddies weren't fighting each other, they were keeping a grip on their little empires and just generally fucking up the lives of those who were within reach. The only way I'd survived, being, like Tom, one of the youngest, had been to act mad. That way the older ones, being locked up and confused about their sexuality, thought I was just a weirdo and left me to it. Because, who knew, I might try and kill them if they touched me.
I didn't see Tom being able to act that weird and get away with not being made someone's special friend. I nodded and felt genuinely sorry for him. 'Don't worry, mate. All that's finished with, I guarantee it, Tom.'
He sniffed and wiped his nose, embarrassed at his display of vulnerability.
'Best bet is to go take a shower and get some shut-eye. We have a busy night tomorrow.'
I tapped his shoulder playfully, leaving him to sort himself out. He didn't need me there to embarrass him even more by seeing him like this. Besides, he was coming with me tomorrow night whether he liked it or not. As I headed back to my room I thought that, in addition to nails and lumps of 2x4, Liv had better get Tom a brave or stupid pill, depending on which way you looked at it.
I started to undress and listened as Tom walked past my door, going in the direction of the living area, probably in search of a glass of water to replace all the liquid leaking down his face.
In the shower I checked out the nice knee, shin, and back bruises I'd got from my snow jumping and went to bed. I was beat, but thoughts about the job kept me awake, going over making entry and actions-on if there was a fuckup.
I must have been lying there for an hour, listening to the hum of the air-conditioning, when Tom shuffled past once more toward the living area. He would probably be like this all night now, but he'd live. If he was still wobbly in the morning I'd remind him again about how much money he'd soon have in his pocket. More than enough to get away from that scrubby flat and Janice. I'd already decided that I would give him the full $300,000. Why not? I wouldn't have got this far without him.
Another half-hour hummed by. I was still thinking about tomorrow night, mentally checking that Liv's shopping list was complete, when I realized that Torn hadn't come back.
Yawning, I put on my jeans and shirt and wandered off to have a coffee with him, maybe talk him round a bit more.
The lights were still on in the living area, but there was no sign of Tom. I checked the kitchen. He must have gone back and I hadn't heard him. As I turned, I noticed that the door leading to Liv's side of the house was open, and I knew that she'd closed it behind her.
Crossing the living area, I started to saunter down her hallway. The door layout was the same as our side, so she'd be in one of the two bedrooms. It wasn't hard to tell which. There was noise coming from the first door on the left. I didn't know who was doing what to whom, but the grunts and moans were unmistakably theirs.
I turned back up the hall, leaving them to it, realizing, yet again, that I didn't have a clue when it came to women.
19
Tuesday. December 14,1999 By the time I got up Tom was showered and dressed, hair still wet, sitting on the sofa drinking milk. He was certainly cheerful enough.
'Morning, Nick. Coffee's in the pot. Liv has gone to get your stuff.
Said she'll be back about tenish.'
I went into the kitchen, poured some coffee and checked out the food. I was dying to ask him about last night, but decided to wait and see if he said anything first. I didn't want to sound like a dickhead, and things were getting very weird. First Liv and her friend at the station, and now this. I wondered if she'd been fucking Tom for years, but immediately dismissed the thought. Once you'd had a taste of Liv, you wouldn't decide to settle down with Janice, and why bother to get me to do the job of recruiting him in the first place?
Fixing myself a plate of crackers, cheese, and cherry jam, I dumped it all on a tray and went and sat opposite him. I put on my concerned face and asked, 'How do you feel this morning, mate? Still want to quit?' I concentrated hard on spreading my jam 'I'm sorry about last night, Nick. I was just worried, you know.' I nodded. 'These things happen to everyone at some time or other.
Anyway, you look a lot better this morning.' I gave him a grin.
'There's nothing like a good night's sleep.'
He avoided the subject. 'It is going to be okay, Nick, isn't it?' 'Of course. I had a really good look at the house last night. It's just a big old mansion in the woods, trying to look like Microsoft HQ.
No drama. Next stop, the bank-that's the beauty of it.'
I got back to my cracker, relieved that I didn't have to deliver another mammoth pep talk.
He grinned back. 'Nice one, mate. Nice one.' His head had gone back into jerky chicken mode.
I took a mouthful of coffee. 'Yep, it's good we both got some sleep.
We'll certainly be beat tomorrow morning.'
He sipped his milk, trying to hide his face in his mug.
I couldn't resist any longer. 'I heard you, you know.'
He turned bright red. 'What? What are you on about?'
'Hey, listen, good luck, mate, but keep the noise down in future, will you? Some of us old fuckers can't take too much excitement.'
He laughed nervously, embarrassed, but at the same time rather proud. I couldn't blame him.
'What's the secret, Tom? I mean, no disrespect to Miss Nordic Myth, but warm and wonderful she isn't. Have you met in a past life?'
He shifted in his seat as embarrassment took over. 'Nah, mate. Never met the girl before. But, you know, I was out here getting a drink when she came out. She saw I was worried, and we got talking and that? you know.'
I didn't, that was the problem. One minute he's asking me if I trust her, a minute later he's making the earth move for her. Well, probably the other way round. I gave myself another mental slap. Fuck it, I didn't care what was going on. I realized, with a shock, that I was jealous. I needed to sort my shit out, concentrate on making money and leave anything else that was going on well alone.
I got up, leaned over and tapped him on the shoulder. 'Just make sure you've got those daps of yours for tonight.'
'Daps?'
'Gym shoes, whatever you call them. Make sure they're clean and dry.
Don't wear them today, just keep your new boots on, all right?'
With that I picked up my mug and left.
Freshly showered, I lay on my bed and visualized once again making entry on target. I always found it easy to run the film in my head, as if my eyes were the camera lens and my ears the recording equipment I listened to what the snow sounded like as we walked to the deck, then the creak of the wooden decking, working out how I would
