‘If we have any regrets from the old year we can throw them on the fire,’ he announced. ‘Next year we shall start anew.’
She set her teacup down with a click. ‘And behave as if none of this has happened?’
He sighed. ‘Is it really necessary to retread the same ground? If you are ready to come home, then I see no reason to refer to any of this again.’
‘If I am ready to come home?’
He had spoken too soon, and ruined all that had gone before. For the coldness had returned to her voice, and she was straightening up the tea things and preparing to leave him.
‘Perhaps I should go to my room and dress for the day. If you will excuse me?’
He followed her to the door and in a last act of desperation held up a hand to stop her as she crossed the threshold, touching her arm and pointing above them. ‘Mistletoe.’
She frowned. ‘You can’t be serious.’
‘Not even for old times’ sake?’
‘Certainly not.’ She reached up and caught the thing by a twig. She pulled it down, then threw it to the floor at his feet.
He stared at it, unsure whether to be angry or sad. ‘Pity. I would have quite enjoyed it. I think it is your kiss I miss the most. But there are so many things about you that I miss it is hard to tell.’
‘Miss me?’ She laughed. ‘This is the first I have heard of it. It seems to me that you are managing quite well without me, Harry.’
‘It bothers you, then, that I have put Rosalind in charge?’
‘Not particularly.’
‘But something has made you unhappy again. Are you ready to discuss why you are here?’ he asked.
‘Whatever do you mean?’
‘You have come back to me, Elise, just as I knew you would. It was no real surprise, seeing you. I had a devil of a time persuading Tremaine to take the invitation, but I knew if he came you would not be able to stay away. And I was right.’ He looked at her, searching her expression for some evidence that she was weakening again.
‘It should not be so terribly strange that I would wish to return with him. I lived here for several years, and associate many happy memories with the place.’
Harry sighed. ‘Do you really? When you left I thought you never wished to see the place again. Or was it just the owner you wished to avoid? Because you must have known I’d be here as well.’
‘I hold you no ill will,’ she insisted, staring at him through narrowed eyes and proving her words a lie. ‘And, since you have not said otherwise, I assume you agree that our separation is for the best.’
‘You wished to part, not I. Do not mistake my unwillingness to beg for you to return as agreement.’ And then his desire to hold her got the better of him, and he stepped even closer. ‘There is very little separation between us at this moment.’ He grabbed her wrist and pulled her to him, so her body rested tight against him.
‘That is none of my doing and all of yours.’ But she did not push him away.
He calmed himself so as not to alarm her. Then he put his mouth to her ear and whispered, so softly that only she could hear, ‘Kiss me, Elise. Just one more time. I will enjoy it, and you will as well. I would make sure of the fact.’ He felt her tremble and knew that he was right. When his lips met hers he would make her forget all about her argument with him. She would think of nothing but how he made her feel, and that would be the end of their troubles.
‘I did not come here because I missed your kisses.’ She pulled away from him, and the small rejection stung worse than all the others combined.
‘And yet you were the one to come home.’
‘For a brief visit. There are things in my room…’
‘Things?’ He laughed, for he had been sure that she would come up with a better lie than that when they finally had a chance to speak. ‘If that is all you wanted, then you could have saved me a small amount of personal pride had you come alone, in January, rather than trailing after Tremaine when the house is full of guests.’
‘I am not trailing after him,’ she snapped.
Harry took a deep breath, for it would not do to lose his temper with her. ‘It is all right,’ he responded. ‘I’ve grown quite used to it, really.’
But clearly it was not all right to her. He had misspoken again, and she was working herself into a rage. ‘You did not expect me to live for ever alone, once we parted?’
‘That is not what I mean, and you know it. I knew when you finally left me that you would go straight to Tremaine for comfort. I have expected it for many years.’
Anger and indignation flashed hot in her eyes, as though she could pretend the truth was not an obvious thing and her leaving had been all
‘It was never a question of doubt, Elise.’ He tried to keep his tone matter-of-fact, for there was no point in fuelling her anger with his. ‘I have always known that I was your second choice.’
‘How utterly ridiculous,’ she snapped. ‘I married you, didn’t I? Are you saying you doubted my innocence?’
‘I am saying nothing of the kind. I am saying that I was not your first choice when you wed. You might have accepted my offer, but Tremaine offered for you first. You might have chosen me, but you always regretted that it could not have been Nicholas. I have had to live with the fact for five years, Elise.’ He struggled to hide the hurt in his tone, and instead his voice sounded bitter. ‘I had hoped that you would put him behind you once you were married. I would not have offered for you otherwise. But I realised almost from the beginning that it was not to be the case.’
‘You realised?’
There was something in the sound of her voice that was almost like an accusation, and he could feel his carefully managed control slipping away. ‘It did not take you long to make up with the man. Less than a year. The quarrel that parted you would have mended easily had you been willing to wait. It was really most annoying to listen to you complain, at the end, about
He was almost shouting by the time he’d finished. And then he laughed again, at the shocked expression on her face. ‘Although what you expect by accompanying your lover to our home for Christmas I cannot imagine. Did you hope to create a dramatic scene for the diversion of my guests? Is it not bad enough that you have finally worked up the courage to be unfaithful to me? Must you parade it in front of me as well?’ He shook his head, and his voice returned to normal. ‘I never in all these years felt you to be so cruel. Perhaps I did not know you as well as I thought.’
Which was foolish, for he had known all along that that was what she would do. He had wanted her to come with Tremaine, had planned for the eventuality. And now he was angry to the point of shouting because his plans had come to fruition. It made no sense at all.
But it was too late to call back the words, or to explain that he wished to discuss things with her in a rational manner. Elise’s cheeks had grown hot with anger and shame, but no words were issuing from her lips, and she was staring at him as though she no longer knew him.
As he waited for her response, a part of him wanted to beg her forgiveness, forestall her reaction. But why should he take all the blame when she was the one who had left? It was long past time for her turn to be hurt and frustrated and embarrassed.
It did him no good to feel sure that he was in the right on this. Instead of vindication, he was suddenly sick with the taste of truth. He had spoken too much of it, all in one go, and it sat in his stomach like an excess of Christmas dinner.
Did she expect him to swallow his pride as well, before she was willing to come home? If the silence went on much longer she would see him on his knees, begging her to return.
Then she spoke, and her voice was cool and even. ‘So I finally know, after all this time, what you really think of me. It is most gratifying that our separation has given you the ability to speak your mind. And I find I have nothing to add to it.’
Then she turned and walked from the room, leaving him all over again. He stared down at the mistletoe at his feet, and then kicked it savagely aside, before gathering enough composure to meet his guests for breakfast.
