He laughed and pulled away from her. ‘You dare to accuse me of meddling in the affairs of others, after the games you have had us playing? You have done more than I to tinker with something you do not understand. And a fine pass it has brought us all to.’
He was following Elise out through the door, even if his mind was telling him Rosalind was right. He would be better off to wash his hands of the whole affair.
‘Go, then,’ Rosalind shouted. ‘Follow her, if her happiness means so much. Follow her, just as you always do. I hope it brings you what you deserve.’
The words struck him in the back like blows, but his feet did not slow their pace. She was right. The last thing he should be doing was following another man’s wife down the hall to offer her comfort. If she was so in need of it then it was her husband who should provide it, not some other man.
And it was not as if Harry would deny her. He had been quick enough to sense her distress when he offered for her, and it had been plain to see from the man’s enraptured expression after the wedding that his offer had had nothing to do with seizing an advantageous opportunity, and everything to do with his hopeless love for Elise.
If Nick had had the sense to keep himself out of their way the couple would have been able to solve their problem on their own. But here he was, still insinuating himself into a situation he had no real desire to join.
He stopped at the open door to the library and turned to make his retreat. But it was too late. Elise had caught sight of him. She gave a watery moan of, ‘Nicholas,’ and held a limp hand out to him.
And, as he had always done, he sighed and went to her.
‘I swear what he said is not true,’ she sobbed. ‘It was never about your money. Or even about his. Perhaps at first it made a difference. It was nice that an earl had offered for me. And I thought, Oh, Nicholas shall be so jealous, when I accepted. For he could give me much more than you could back then. But mostly I was afraid that no one would want me at all.’
Nick nodded and sat beside her, putting an arm around her shaking shoulders.
‘But once we were married it changed. He was so good to me, and so kind. I could not help having tender feelings for him. I felt very guilty about it at first. For it seemed like a final betrayal of what we had together. And that is why I have worked so hard to see that we remained friends.’
‘And I have always been your friend in return.’ He gave her a small hug. ‘For I did not wish you to think you had been abandoned, just because your future did not lie with me.’
‘But now?’ She shook her head. ‘I wonder if it has all been a mistake. Does he really care about me at all?’
‘I am sure he does.’ But why was the ninny tarrying? If he wished to keep his wife he must come and tell her so. ‘Perhaps he is not good with words.’
‘He was good enough with them back in the drawing room.’ He could feel her tense. ‘I think he has finally given me the truth of it, just as I wanted him to. But why did it have to happen in front of all those people? He thought me a fortune-hunter, and in secret he regrets marrying me. He is wrong. But I love him enough to want him to be happy, and to have a wife he respects. And a family. And that is why I cannot go back.’
Nick held her as she composed herself, and silently damned her husband to seven types of hell. If he could not come and force some sense into his wife, then at least he might have given Nick more powerful ammunition to defend him. For after the debacle in the drawing room, her assessment of her marriage appeared to be accurate.
‘He cannot mind your spending too much. Even while you are away he supports you, does he not?’
‘He is obligated. And I have accepted it because I could not think of another way. But I certainly cannot take his money after what he has said.’ She paused, and then drew closer. ‘Whatever might happen in the future, I cannot live as a burden on Harry any longer.’ She paused again. ‘Nicholas, do you remember our discussion before we came to this house, and my promise to you?’
‘Vaguely.’ He felt a wave of disquiet.
‘When I said that if you did this for me there would be no more barriers between us?’
‘Yes.’
‘I may never be free by the laws of the land, but my heart has no home.’ She paused again. ‘It is yours if you still want it.’
After all these years, how could he tell her that he did not? She had expectations of him, just as surely as if he had offered for her. If her husband would not have her, then it was his responsibility to take on her care. Even if they did not marry, he could offer some sort of formal arrangement that would give her security. It would make her little better than a mistress in the eyes of society, but that could not be helped. Perhaps if they left London they could leave the scandal behind as well. But wherever he lived, it would mean that he could have nothing to do with Harry Pennyngton’s sister, for the sake of all concerned.
‘Of course, darling,’ he said, closing his eyes and accepting the inevitable.
And he felt the relief in her, for she must have suspected by now that he did not want her either. He did not have the heart to tell her she was right.
She looked up at him, obviously expecting something. ‘Is this not worthy of a kiss?’
‘Of course,’ he said absently, and kissed her.
She was still looking at him in the same strange way. ‘A real kiss, Nicholas.’
‘That was not?’ He tried to remember what he had done.
She was smiling sadly. ‘It appeared to be. But it was an attempt to save my feelings wrapped up in a pretty package. Can you not kiss me as though you mean it?’
‘Now?’ There was an embarrassing squeak in his voice that undid all his efforts at urbane sophistication. Kiss her as if he meant it? Now was as good a time as any. It was long past time. For how could one tell the person that the world had decided was one’s own true love that one longed for freedom to marry another?
‘Yes, Nicholas.’ Her lashes were trembling, and there was a hitch in her voice. ‘I can never go back to Harry. It is quite impossible. But that does not mean that I must be alone for the rest of my life. On my darkest days, I feared that there was some deficiency in me that rendered me unworthy of true love. Perhaps there was some flaw in my character that had left me without heart. At such times it has been a great comfort knowing that your love remained true after all these years. I would tell myself, If my husband does not want me, then at least there will always be Nicholas.’
He closed his eyes, trying to look as if he was gratefully accepting the compliment that all but sealed his doom. Did she not recognise the difference between love and flattery when it was right before her? It was not possible that Harry was devoid of the emotion that she was so convinced
She held out her arms to him and closed her eyes, looking no happier than he felt.
What had that imbecile Harry hoped to prove by behaving as he had in the drawing room just now? And why would he not swallow his pride and come and get his wife this instant? Tremaine had a good mind to find the fellow and punch him in the nose.
He stared at the woman in front of him, stalling for time. ‘Perhaps it would be better to wait until we are back in London.’
She searched his expression, trying to read the meaning in it. Then she leaned forward and touched the lapel of his coat, and dropped her gaze so that he could not see her expression. ‘If we are to do it at all, there is no reason to delay. I cannot wait for ever in expectation that things will change between my husband and myself. It will soon be a new year, Nicholas, time to put the past behind me. And I think things will be easier between us once we have jumped this particular hurdle.’
‘Oh.’ His hand shifted on her shoulder, and he could not help giving it a brotherly pat. It wasn’t terribly flattering to have the act of physical love viewed as a hurdle. If she would admit the truth to herself, she would see that she wanted this even less than he did.
‘Yes. I am certain of it.’ But her voice didn’t sound the least bit certain, and he feared there were tears at the edge of it.
‘If you are sure, then,’ he said, and waited for her to come to her senses.
And then she stopped talking and came into his arms, all trembling beauty. That was the way it had always been with Elise. Almost too beautiful to resist, even though she had never been right for him. Her body pressed tight to his, soft and yielding, and her face tipped up to give him easy access for his kiss. Perhaps she was correct, and giving in to lust was all it would take to clear his head of romantic nonsense. So he tried to kiss her in the way
