running basic oxygen since the sixties. That was what you didn’t hear till later: they—the Japs and Germans—were always sinking money into their plants. They were always investing in new infrastructure, they were always investing in themselves. Meanwhile Penn Steel never invested a dime in its mills, guaranteed its own downfall. And all those welfare states, Germany and Sweden, they still made plenty of steel. Meanwhile they were the ones supposed to go bankrupt. He looked at his desk and couldn’t remember what he was supposed to be doing. He drifted off again.
They’d tapped the furnace and filled the crucible and the crane was bringing it over, getting ready to make the pour. Then there was a different sound, he’d heard it over all the other noise. Crane keeps swinging but the ladle gives a little wobble and then it’s headed for the ground, fifty tons of liquid steel. See the ladle hit the floor and boom, all that steel comes blooming into the air, blinding light, like the sun rising up out of the crucible, everything else was shadows, Chuck Cunningham and Wayne Davis they were shadows, the steel washed over them like lava from a volcano. Missing you by ten feet. Should not have been able to see that and survive, felt like the last thing you would see. Hiding there waiting to die. Felt the building shake as the back end of the shop blew out. Felt how small you were. Didn’t seem fair. Didn’t think of Mary, only thought it is not fair this is happening.
Supposed to be a safety brake on the hoisting drum. Company too cheap. Something sheared in the gearbox.
Tower was burning and the whole place was on fire and you decided to jump. Three stories. Scrap metal flying through the air, a five-hundred- pound toolbox goes by your head and hits the shop roof. Things kept exploding, the sound like a dragster running nitrous, too loud to even hear, you just felt it, felt your skin start burning under the silver suit, can’t see anything, there’s nothing but fire and shadows. Dead anyway— fuck it, take a leap. Come to and that black boy is dragging you out— came back through the fire for you. Air full of burning steel and he doesn’t get a scratch. Ought to play the lottery. Says he saw you jump.
OSHA fines the company thirty grand. Same amount the company makes every minute.
That was it. Chucky Cunningham gone, Wayne Davis, fat old Wayne, Wayne, you always told him, you’re too fat Wayne, hot load washed right over them, you’d been standing there a minute before. Took the jump and that was your mistake. Should have stood your ground, family would have been taken care of, nice payout from the pension and the company. First you felt sorry for Wayne and Chuck but they saved themselves and their families and you did not.
The house had been silent a long time. He thought the longer you wait the more scared you’ll be. The boy had done it and it wasn’t Billy Poe, all of that is on you. He wheeled his chair back and forth. Regardless of what the boy had done, he himself was the one who’d caused it, the boy was never supposed to stay here. They all want you dead anyway, he thought, your own family. You never should have waited this long. Afraid of your own children. Afraid they would leave you alone, you wouldn’t be able to stand it. To lose Mary and Lee in the same year. You were not going to lose Isaac as well.
He rolled to the drawer and opened it and there was his pistol but if Lee were to find him… there was a half bottle of Dewar’s he hadn’t touched since they told him not to. There you go, he thought. Look after yourself like a prize racehorse but don’t give a second to anyone else. He began to feel calm. He knew what he had to do. He wished he’d eaten more of that steak. In the medicine cabinet he found an old bottle of OxyContin, nearly full, he’d been off it a year, he wrapped a blanket around himself and rolled quietly out into the living room and then out the back door to the porch. He closed the door carefully behind him.
It was cold outside and to brace himself he took a big pull off the De-war’s. Then he jiggered open the pill container and took two or three of them, chewed them, they tasted awful but it would make them hit faster. His hands were shaking and he put the top back on so as not to spill the rest. Look at you, he thought, everything has been trying to take this from you and now you’re just going to give it away. Because I should have before, he thought. Isaac would not have been here, he would have been gone just like Lee.
He decided to roll all the way into the backyard, get to the right spot and then he would think about it some more. He eased himself down the ramp into the grass, felt the wheels sinking into the soft earth and he rolled himself quickly to get to where he wanted to be, scattering the deer that had been standing there.
He took the pill bottle and weighed it in his hand, he was beginning to change his mind again, right there it was all you needed, go out with a smile on your face. There’s your choice, he thought. One way or the other you will lose them. It seemed so obvious, he had never thought of it that way before. He had been fighting a battle that he would never win. Dragging them all down with you.
He held the bottle in his hand. No, it would just be from shame. That would not be the right way. They would go down much too easy. You can bear the burden yourself for once, that is not too much to ask, bear your own burden. Well? He put the container back into his pocket. How many did I take? Three I think. Not enough to kill me. Except any minute now you’ll be feeling pretty good. Wrap that blanket around you so you don’t freeze.
He looked out over the dark woods and the river in the distance, it was a good spot he had chosen, you could see all the way down the Valley. Many good years, more than anyone deserved, it was time to do what was best for the others. For his family. As he thought this the land seemed to fall away, he was on a high ledge, there was a wall of stars and sky in front of him. He had never seen anything like it. The air was so clear. With his last bit of energy, before he fell asleep, he pulled the blanket around his shoulders and began to feel warm.
4. Harris
He parked his truck around the corner from the first address. The grass in the small front yard was cut but in the rear of the house the lot was badly overgrown. A large willow tree hung over the yard and there was the shell of an ancient Oldsmobile and a wheelless farm tractor, strangely out of place in the small backyard. A refrigerator sat on the back porch, humming noisily, and the roof of the porch sagged so low it nearly blocked the door to the house. Harris discerned only one person inside and he stayed in the shadows and made his way through the waist- high brush trying to avoid debris that was hidden in the grass. He went through the back door. In the living room an old woman was lying on a narrow bed with an oxygen tank stood up next to her. He put his gun away.
“Where’s Murray,” he said to her.
“He ain’t here,” she said. “He don’t have any money, neither.”
They looked at each other.
“Been laid off three years,” she said. “You ain’t gonna get nothing from him.”
Several hours after dark he was in a different neighborhood, sitting on an empty bucket in an abandoned house. As far as he could tell, the houses on this end of the street were all empty—the grass was tall in all the yards, except for a clear path beaten through that led from the street to the porch of the house he had his eye on. At the far end of the block there were two houses with their porch lights on, but aside from that there was no sign of habitation. At midnight a few deer strolled down the street, it was strange to see them walking on pavement, browsing on bushes, then they filed between the house he was sitting in and the house he was watching. They didn’t spook or notice his presence and he took it for a good omen.
He was wearing gloves and a watch cap but he was beginning to get cold and hungry. Around three A.M., a pair of men went into the house he’d been watching and he was pretty sure one of them was Murray. The electricity must have been off because they were lighting candles and building up a fire in a fireplace. Shortly after that, one of the men went into another room and lay down. It wasn’t the best situation, two men being there, he wondered if he should wait until he could get Murray alone but there was no telling what would happen, Murray Clark might up and disappear at any minute, come back for the trial.
He watched for another half hour and decided the second man was asleep.
He opened and closed the revolver’s cylinder and checked his .45 to make sure there was a round chambered, there was a faint glow from the night sights. At least you can see your sights, he thought, it was comforting, he was happy he’d gotten those sights installed, it was Ho who’d made him do it,
