“But Moosa was clever. And patient. The night after the first practice he spent in deep thought. Changed his strategy. Decided to shift the front to the classroom for starters, and for four long days we learned the theory of rugby on a blackboard, the rules, the involved, inexplicable, never-ending shower of rules, then analyzed every position, memorized every strategy, and on the fifth morning at six o’clock we were on the field, before the Russians got going. Moosa drilled us: the back line on one side, the forwards on another, line-outs, scrums, loose scrums, rucking, running, walking us through each step painfully slowly, quite literally at first.

“It got better but it was still pathetic. It was as if the guys couldn’t get their heads around this whitey game. You should’ve heard the remarks. All in the line of ‘It’s only the Boers who would be foolish enough to exchange a round ball and two nets for this stupidity.’ We wanted to dribble and kick, not pick up and pass. It seemed as if our whole nature was against the strange game. Not to mention the offside rule. But Moosa kept his head and Morape gave us courage, and on the Saturday one week before the match, we went out before sunrise for a secret practice in town, the two black teams against each other on an open piece of land next to the river, a kind of test game to choose the A team.

“Pretty it wasn’t. Moosa lost his temper for the first time that day, threw his hands into the air, and said it was an impossible task – it simply wasn’t possible to change a crowd of black idiots from soccer fans to rugby winners. He stormed off the field and went to sit under a large tree, his head in his hands, and we stood there, our bodies steaming in the cold, and we knew he was right. It wasn’t as if we hadn’t tried. It was simply – the handicap. And our hearts. If you know you’re going to be beaten, it’s difficult to get your heart in the right positive spirit.

“Morape went to sit next to Moosa and they talked for an hour or longer. And then they walked back to where we were sitting in a heap and Morape began to speak to us.

“He was a Tswana. A man with a face like an eagle, not tall or big, not very clever, but there was something in Morape that made you listen. And that morning, at the ass end of the world, we listened. Morape spoke softly. Said the match wasn’t about keeping Mpayipheli out of jail. Which got me a few dirty looks. He said the match was about the Struggle. The match had come our way in a country that didn’t want us there, from people who didn’t think we were good enough. Just like at home. And even though we couldn’t choose the battleground and the strategy there to suit us, we could do it here. Must we look at our country and say no, the whiteys have more weapons, more money, better comforts, better technology, they hold the high ground, but should we surrender? If we surrendered, here in Holy Mother Russia, we could give up the Struggle, because then we would’ve lost before we started. It was about character. It was about the fighting spirit. It was about daring, about focus, about concentration, the unshakable belief that you could do anything if you believed in yourself and in the cause.

“Sport, he said, is the poor man’s war. With the same principles. Us against them. Standing together against superior forces. Solidarity. Tactics and strategy and the same deep emotion. And just like war, sport eventually teaches us about ourselves. To test ourselves and our capabilities and our individual and collective character…

“He wouldn’t mind if we lost the battle. It happened in war, it happened in sport, and it happened in life. But if we lost because we hadn’t done our best, then we weren’t the kind of people with whom he wanted to go to war. Then Morape got up and walked away across the green grass and left us there to think.

“That Monday, Morape pinned the names of his first team against the notice board and my name was there as lock forward and my knees shook. But I wasn’t ‘Thobela’ any longer. Moosa had made me ‘Tiny’ Mpayipheli.

“For the rest of the week we practiced every day. With Morape on the sideline as a silent reminder of his words, and Moosa, fly half and coach, who drilled us, and then the jerseys came on Thursday. The OC of the base had had them made in Moscow, green and gold with a Springbok on the chest, and Morape said, ‘Now you’re playing for your country,’ and the whole thing took on a dimension for which we weren’t prepared. We wanted to complain about the jersey of the oppressor when Morape asked, ‘What are the colors of the ANC?’

“That Saturday the soccer stadium in Saraktash was packed with so many Soviet soldiers you couldn’t credit it. Each weekend pass had been withdrawn, every military soul had been called up to support their men, and when their team came out of the tunnel, it was a sea of red jerseys with a yellow hammer and sickle on the chest and the crowd went wild and for most of the game our small group of supporters were too scared to open their mouths.

“It probably wasn’t the greatest rugby to watch, especially the first half. To our great surprise the Russians weren’t masters of the game. More experienced than we were, but no oiled machine. At half time they were ahead by eighteen to six after Moosa had kicked two drop goals, and then he said to us, ‘Guys, these Reds can be beaten, I can feel it. Can you feel it?’ Perhaps we were no longer intimidated. Maybe we thought it was going to be a superior force that would grind us, bleeding, into the grass, and when it didn’t happen, we had to admit that he was right. These guys could be beaten…

“ ‘They’re slow,’ Moosa had said. ‘Get the ball to Zuma, doesn’t matter how. Get the ball to Zuma.’ Napoleon Zuma was our left wing, he was only nineteen, a Zulu, he was short, but he had a pair of thighs each of which you couldn’t encircle with two hands and he could run like the wind.

“It took us fifteen minutes to get him away for the first time and then he scored a try, and then it was as if something happened on that field, as if those fifteen South Africans from the townships and the small-town locations and the villages of the Bantustans suddenly had insight into this strange, wonderful game. And we played. And the better we played, the quieter the Red Army crowd became and the louder our small band of supporters shouted on the pavilion steps, and Napoleon Zuma scored two more tries and suddenly the score was equal with only ten minutes of play left and then we wanted to win, we knew we were going to win. You should’ve seen those guys, Van Heerden, you should’ve seen them play – it was wonderful, it was indescribably beautiful.”

And then Tiny Mpayipheli was silent and he looked at the faraway stars in the dark of a Cape winter and he shivered in his big, black coat.

“Is that Orion?” he asked eventually, and pointed a finger at the east.

“Yes.” They sat, staring at the morning star, but when the silence became too long, Van Heerden couldn’t help asking, “Did you win?”

The black man smiled broadly in the dark. “The nicest thing was that the referee saw his posting to Afghanistan coming up, but his whistle couldn’t save the day, though he did his best. On the rugby field that day, South Africa won its only test against the Red Peril, thirty-six to eighteen.”

? Dead at Daybreak ?

44

I rented a two-bedroom house in Brackenfell and neglected the garden and borrowed the lawn mower of my middle-class neighbors, the Van Tonders, every second Saturday, but I wasn’t home very often.

I developed my own unique weekly routine. Every day and most nights I worked with the same blind dedication as my colleagues. Sometimes, when the workload permitted, I attended the Thursday-evening symphony concerts in the city hall, often alone. On Saturday evenings there was a barbecue at someone’s house, a closed police gathering with unwritten rules about meat and alcohol contributions, where drunkenness was excused as long as it didn’t upset the women and children.

On Sundays I cooked.

I went on a culinary journey of all the continents – Thai, Chinese, Vietnamese, Japanese, Spanish, French, Italian, Greek, Middle Eastern. I would plan the dish during the week, shop for the final ingredients on Saturday, and spend Sunday in the kitchen, taking time and care, with a glass of red wine and opera on the hi-fi and a woman who was my sole, deeply impressed audience.

I might as well admit it – the more heartless the dossiers on my desk, the greater the yearning for the love of my life, for love in my life, for that mythical soul mate, someone who would welcome and embrace me in a warm bed in the small hours of the night. Someone who on Saturday nights would put down our contribution on the salad table, among other women there, someone to whom I could refer as “my wife” with the same loving, jealous possessiveness of Breyten Breytenbach’s eponymous poem. There was a loneliness in me, an emptiness, an incompleteness that grew over the months. It was as if the nature of my work deepened this lack, so that I searched for her with growing determination – the Cape is a mecca for the unmarried, middle-class man, the ratio

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