And then I thought of something which made me laugh. Men always think that to own a big cock is one of life's greatest boons. They think you have only to shake it at a woman and she's yours. Well, if anybody had a big cock it was Bill Woodruff. It was a veritable horse cock. I remember the first time I saw it—I could scarcely believe my eyes. Ida should have been his slave, if all that stuff about big cocks be true. It impressed her all right all right, but the wrong way. She was scared stiff. It froze her up. And the more he pushed and plugged, the smaller she grew. He might just as well have fucked her between the teats, or in the arm-pits. She would have enjoyed that more, no doubt about it. Woodruff never had such ideas, though. He would have thought them degrading. You can't ask the woman you idolize to let you fuck her between the teats. How he got his nookie I never inquired. But that ass-licking ritual made me smile. It's tough to be crazy about a woman and then find that nature has played you a mean trick.
I began to have an erection thinking about her.
I waited around for a half hour or more, but no sign of Mona. I decided to go upstairs and inquire. Learned that she had gone home early—with a sick headache.
9
It was only the next evening, after dinner, that I found out why she had left the dance hall early. She had received a message from home and had rushed out to see her parents. I didn't press her to talk, knowing how secretive she was about this other life. For some reason, however, she was anxious to get it off her chest. As usual, she circled about with mysterious swoops. It was difficult to make head or tail of her story. All I could gather was that they were in distress—and by «they» she meant the whole family, including her three brothers, and her sister- in-law.
«Do they all live under the same roof?» I asked innocently.
«That's neither here nor there,» she said, strangely irritated.
I said nothing for a while. Then I ventured to ask about her sister whom she had once told me was even more beautiful than herself—«only very nor-mal», as she put it.
«Didn't you say she was married?»
«Yes, of course she is. What's that got to do with it?»
«With what?» I asked, getting a little peeved now myself.
«Well, what are we talking about?»»
I laughed. «That's what I want to know. What is it? What
«You don't listen.
«Why do you say that? Of course I believe you. Only I can't believe she's more beautiful than you.»
«Well she is, believe it or not,» she snapped. «I despise her. It's not jealousy, if that's what you're thinking. I despise her because she has no imagination. She sees what's happening and she doesn't lift a finger. She's absolutely selfish.»
«I suppose,» I began gently, «that it's the same old problem—they want your help. Well, maybe!....»
«But, Mona, I'm not talking in the air. !...»
She turned on me almost fiercely. «You've got your wife and daughter to look after, haven't you? I don't want to hear anything about your help. This is my problem. Only I don't know why I have to do everything alone. The boys could do something if they wanted to. God, I supported them for years. I've supported the whole family—and now they're asking more of me. I can't do any more. It isn't fair...»
There was a silence and then she continued. «My father is a sick man—I don't expect anything of him. Besides, he's the only one I care about. If it weren't for him I'd turn my back on them—I'd walk off and leave them flat.»
«Well, what about your brothers?» I asked. What's holding them back?»
«Nothing but laziness,» she said. «I've spoiled them. I led them to believe that they were helpless.»
«Do you mean that nobody is working—not any of them?»
«Oh yes, now and then one of them gets a job for a few weeks and then quits for some silly reason. They know I'll always be there to rescue them.»
«I can't go on living this way!» she burst out. «I won't let them destroy my life. I want to be with you—and they're pulling me away. They don't care what I do so long as I bring them money. Money, money. God, how I hate to hear the word!»
«But Mona,» I said gently, «I've got some money for you. Yes, I have. Look!»
I extracted the two fifty dollar bills and placed them in her hand.
To my amazement she began to laugh, a weird, three-pronged laugh which became more and more uncontrollable. I put my arms around her. «Easy, Mona, easy... you're terribly upset.»
The tears came to her eyes. «I can't help it, Val,» she said weakly, «it reminds me so much of my father. He used to do the same thing. Just when everything was blackest he would turn up with flowers or some crazy gift. You're just like him. You're dreamers, both of you. That's why I love you.» She flung her arms around me passionately and began to sob. «Don't tell me where you got it,» she muttered. «I don't care. I don't care if you stole it. I'd steal for you, you know that, don't you?
Val, they don't deserve the money. I want you to buy something for yourself—. Or», she added impulsively, «get something for the little one. Get something beautiful, something wonderful— that she'll always remember.»
«Val,» she said, trying to collect herself, «you trust me, don't you? You won't ever ask me things I can't answer, will you? Promise me!»
We were seated in the big arm chair. I held her in my lap, smoothing down her hair by way of answer.
«You see, Val, if you hadn't come along, I don't know what would have happened to me. Until I met you I felt—well, almost as if my life didn't belong to me. I didn't care what I did, if only they would leave me in peace. I can't bear to have them ask for things. I feel humiliated. They're all helpless, every one of them. Except my sister. She could do things—she's a very practical, level-headed sort. But she wants to play the lady. 'It's enough to have one wild one in the family,' she says, meaning me. I've disgraced them, that's what she thinks. And she wants to punish me, by making me submit to more and more indignities. She takes a fiendish delight in seeing me bring the money that no one lifts a finger to raise. She makes all sorts of foul insinuations. I could kill her. And my father doesn't seem to realize the situation at all. He thinks she's sweet—
«Will your father ever get well?» I asked after a long silence.
«I don't know, Val.»
«If he were dead,» she added, «I'd never go near the others again. They could starve to death, I wouldn't move a muscle.»
«You know,» she said, «you don't resemble him at all, physically, and yet you're so much alike. You're weak and tender, like him. But you weren't spoiled, as he was. You know how to take care of yourself, when you want to—but he never learned. He was always helpless. My mother sucked the blood out of him. She treated him like she treats me. Anything to have her own way.... I wish you could meet him—before he dies. I've often dreamed of it.» «We probably will meet some day,» said I, though I didn't think it at all likely.
«You'd adore him, Val. He has such a wonderful sense of humor. He's a great story teller, too. I think he would have been a writer, if he hadn't married my mother.»
