I hadn't had the leisure of waking up to daylight for years. As winter became spring, my energy slowly returned. Spending the day in the sunshine, I worked in my gardens. I thought of Yung Lu and wondered how he was doing in the distant Moslem state. I had written to him but received no response.
Guang-hsu stopped by after audiences and brought me dinner. He had grown taller and was sweet and gentle. He kindly placed a piece of roasted chicken on my plate and asked if I was enjoying the new blooming camellias.
I asked Guang-hsu if he wondered about life outside the Forbidden City, and also if he missed his parents. 'Mother and Father are permitted to visit me at any time,' he replied. 'But they haven't come.'
'Maybe you should invite them.'
He looked at me for a moment and then shook his head. I couldn't tell if he had no desire to meet them or was afraid of offending me. My past comments about my sister must have influenced his attitude. Although I had never intentionally disparaged Rong, I hadn't had good things to say about her either.
I asked Guang-hsu if he remembered the death of his cousin Tung Chih, and how he felt about being chosen to succeed him.
'I don't remember much about Tung Chih,' Guang-hsu said. Regarding the night of his departure from home, he recalled being held in Yung Lu's arms.
'I remember his dark face and the decorative buttons on his uniform. The buttons were cold against my skin. I felt strange. I remember that it was pitch-dark.' He looked at me intently and added, 'I enjoyed riding with the Bannerman.'
'You are being kind, Guang-hsu,' I said, comforted but still feeling guilty. 'It must have been terrible to be pulled away from your warm bed and a deep sleep. I am sorry to have put you through it.'
'There was a purpose in my chaotic beginning,' the boy said in an old man's tone.
I sighed, again impressed by his sensitivity.
'Good living needs no reasoning, convincing or explaining, while bad requires plenty.' Guang-hsu smiled. 'Three of my brothers died by my mother's hand. I would have been next if you hadn't adopted me.'
He rose and offered me his right arm. We stepped into the garden. He came up to my eyebrows and looked thin in his yellow satin robe. His movements recalled his cousin's.
'I am sure my sister didn't mean harm,' I said.
'Mother is very ill. My father said that he's given up.'
'Prince Kung's wife told Nuharoo that your father has moved out and is living with his fifth concubine. Is it true?'
'I'm afraid so.'
'Will Rong be all right?'
'Mother fell from her bed and broke her hip last month. She blamed the doctors for her pain. I shouldn't have sent Doctor Sun Paotien.'
'Why not? What happened?'
'She hit him.' After a pause, Guang-hsu added, 'She hits everybody who tries to help her. Sometimes I wish she was dead.'
'I am sorry.'
Guang-hsu went quiet and wiped his eyes.
'I wasn't thinking of your welfare when I adopted you,' I confessed. 'The welfare of the dynasty was the only thing on my mind. Tung Chih had a tragic end. I still can't forgive myself. I let him down… and I am afraid to let you down, Guang-hsu.'
The young man dropped to his knees and kowtowed. 'Mother, I beg you to stop thinking about Tung Chih. I am here, alive, and I love you.'
19
In April, the news that Nuharoo had collapsed swept through the Forbidden City.
'Her Majesty has been feeling ill since last week,' Nuharoo's chief eunuch reported at court. His skinny neck protruded forward, making him look like an overripe squash hanging from a vine. 'She had no appetite. She went to bed before we had a chance to warm her sheets. The next day she insisted on getting up, but couldn't. I helped her dress and noticed that her clothes were damp with cold sweat. She put her weight on my shoulders while we did her hair and makeup. She made it to the Hall of Spiritual Nurturing in the palanquin, but she fell unconscious before the audience was called.'
'Why didn't you inform Doctor Sun Pao-tien earlier?' I asked.
'Her Majesty wouldn't let me,' the eunuch replied.
'It was four in the afternoon and I gave Her Majesty some medicine to dissipate her ailment,' Sun Pao-tien stepped up and reported.
'What is wrong with her?' I asked.
'We don't know for sure yet,' the doctor said. 'It could be her liver or the grippe.'
'Her Majesty insisted on keeping her condition a secret,' the chief eunuch said. 'After five days she dismissed the doctors. My lady had a seizure last night. She knotted up on the floor. Her eyes rolled back and foam came out of her mouth. Before the doctors arrived Her Majesty lost control of her body. I must complain that Doctor Sun Pao-tien was not helping.'
'The eunuchs kept rolling my patient up and down and around as if she were an acrobat,' the doctor protested.
'It was the only way we could keep her dry!' Nuharoo's eunuch shot back.
'My patient was having a seizure!' The gentle doctor lost his patience.
'We should have gone first to the priest at the temple.' The eunuch battered his head with his fists. 'His prayers are known for making the dying sit up and walk.'
I stopped the eunuch and asked Sun Pao-tien to continue.
'My colleague and I found out that Her Majesty's breathing has been constricted by phlegm. We have been trying to find a way to suck it out.'
'It was not working!' all the eunuchs cried in unison.
I asked why I hadn't been informed.
'My lady didn't want the court, and especially you, to be told. She believed that she would be fine in no time.'
'Have you any proof?'
'Here.' The eunuch fumbled in his pockets and produced a piece of wrinkled paper. 'My lady signed the instructions.' Tears and mucus had gathered at the tip of the eunuch's nose and dripped. 'She came back miraculously last time. So we thought she would get over this attack.'
'
'Yes. The first time was when my lady was twenty-six years old, and then again when she was thirty-three. This time I am afraid she will not survive.'
When I rushed to Nuharoo's palace, sounds of crying filled the air. The courtyard was packed with people. Seeing me, the crowd made way. I arrived at Nuharoo's bedside and found her practically buried in fresh gardenias. Doctor Sun Pao-tien was at her side.
It shocked me how illness had changed her appearance. Her eyebrows were in the shape of a big knot and her mouth sagged to one side. Her breathing was labored and there was a gurgling noise in her throat.
'Take away the flowers,' I ordered.
None of the attendants moved.
'How can she breathe with the flowers weighing on her chest?'
The eunuchs threw themselves down. 'It is what Her Majesty wanted.'
