Moon Awakening

'I was in no risk of falling.' Moira was right behind them and Cait turned her body toward her, wishing she could dismiss her husband's presence as easily as she did the sight of him. But his hold on her elbow made such a thing impossible. 'I am sorry. Thank you for visiting. I would love to talk more some other time.'

Moira nodded, her expression showing concern, not annoyance. 'I'm sure we will find the time.'

To Cait's sensitive ears, the words were more threat than courtesy, though she was sure her mother-in-law had not meant them that way. They reminded Cait that she was stuck with the Balmorals. She had thought she had accepted her fate the night before when she spoke her vows, but that was before she realized her husband meant to keep her from her brother entirely.

She knew some clans were that way. Indeed, Talorc had become increasingly wary of outside contact since the betrayal of their clan by their English stepmother. However, she had not expected the Balmorals to be so isolated from others. A rather shortsighted conclusion she realized now. After all, they lived on an island and had a castle that would keep out all intruders. She'd never seen anything like it.

Despite standing on a stairway and the crush of her thoughts, Cait managed a credible curtsy toward Moira. 'I look forward to many more visits.'

It was not a lie. She did look forward to getting to know the older woman better and she knew Moira would want more details about Susannah's life. Especially if her laird refused to allow her to visit her daughter. But that would have to wait. Right now, Cait needed to assure herself that Emily was all right. She did not know what she would do if she found out the contrary, but she would help the sweet Englishwoman somehow.

Moira nodded her head and then reached up to kiss Drustan's cheek. 'I will be leaving now. Bring Cait for the nooning meal tomorrow.'

Cait saw Drustan nod out of the corner of her eye. Moira left, skirting nimbly around them.

Cait turned to her husband, removing all warmth from her expression. She did not feel even remotely charitable toward him at the moment. 'Will you release me now? I wish to go to Emily.'

'You have yet to ask my permission to do so.'

'May I please go to visit Emily now?' she gritted out.

'I will ask Lachlan. If he agrees, then you may go.'

Cait wanted to scream, but instead, she asked, 'Will you ask him now?'

'I would prefer to return to our quarters.'

'I would prefer you find your laird and ask permission for me to see Emily,' she said stubbornly.

'You defy me at your peril.'

'Do I? What more can you do to me, Drustan of the Balmorals? You have taken me from my clan, forced me to marriage and decreed I must remain estranged from my family for the rest of my life. I do not see how you can hurt me further, unless you wish to beat me… but we both know you will not do that while I am pregnant with a Chrechte child.'

Chapter 12

Drustan's glare was hot enough to singe stone, but he said nothing. He simply swung her up into his arms and carried her back up the stairs, his body rigid with fury. Though his hold was tight, it was not bruising.

He kicked the door closed behind them and set her on her feet.

Neither of them spoke for several long seconds, then he sighed. 'You are concerned for the Englishwoman and because of that I will make allowances.'

'Will you?'

'I would not beat you, pregnant or not. Ever.'

She shrugged. She had known that already. A Chrechte warrior would be ashamed to beat a female. She was not about to apologize for the insult though. She was too angry with him.

Surprisingly, Drustan smiled. 'You are very stubborn, wife.' When she said nothing in reply, he added. 'We will see Lachlan at the nooning meal and I will ask him about you visiting Emily then.'

Did he expect her gratitude for the concession? He wasn't getting it. Cait's concern for Emily was so great, it made her stomach roll with nausea. Making her wait another two hours to discover if she would even be allowed to visit the other woman was cruel, but she wasn't the only stubborn wolf in the room. She realized well that no amount of arguing on her part would change his mind. So she did not bother to try.

She turned away and saw her half-full cup of water on the table. She finished it before speaking. 'I would like to explore the keep and the castle. Do I have your permission to do so?'

'I can think of a better way to pass the time between now and the nooning meal,' he said in a voice filled with masculine promise.

Her pulse leapt in instant response, but she shook her head without deigning to glance his way. 'Thank you, but I am in no mood to rut with you again. If it is all the same to you, I would rather see the rest of my new home.'

'It is not all the same to me,' he said gutturally and then turned her with implacable hands to face him. She had meant to irritate him, but she had not anticipated the fury that exploded from his green eyes and made his body go rigid with battle-ready hardness. 'We did not rut last night.'

'What would you call it? There is no love between us so it cannot be called lovemaking. It was no communion of souls. You claimed my body with yours. You marked me with your scent and your seed. We ratted,' she said again, not understanding why she felt this need to push him so hard.

His hands dropped away from her shoulders as if he could not stand to touch her any longer. 'Are you saying you knew something better with your first husband? Did you love the man your brother chose for you? Did he make you scream with ecstasy and cry for more?'

There was something more than anger in Drustan's eyes and she knew instinctively that she could hurt him with her answer. She should want to hurt him as he had hurt her with his lack of trust and lack of concern for her feelings, but she didn't. The simple knowledge that she could hurt him soothed some of the ragged edges inside of her.

But that did not make her anger at his cavalier treatment go away. 'No. I was not in love with Sean, nor he with me, but he did not treat me like a dog to bring to heel either.'

'I did not do that.'

'You did. You implied I have to have your permission to see my friends. You criticized me in front of your mother. Sean never pretended to love me, but he would never have done that. He treated my concerns with respect and sought to alleviate my worries when he could.' Those she had shared with him. They had not been close, but that was beside the point. 'And he did not demand I ask his permission before taking a step I called my own either.'

'You offended my mother.'

'I offended you. She understood my worries even if her son is too cruel to do so. Do not lay your sins at your mother's door.'

'I am not cruel.'

'You would make me suffer your touch while my mind and heart are consumed with worry over my friend, rather than do something to alleviate that worry. But then what do my feelings matter? I am nothing more than a means to an end to you.'

Drustan's expression turned colder than the winter moon. 'I would not want you to suffer my touch. I will find Lachlan now and seek his permission on your behalf. That is apparently all you want from me.'

He stormed out of their quarters before she had time to reply. Not that she knew what she would have said. She did want to check on Emily. Desperately.

But after he left and she felt herself breathing easier, she had to admit that she also wanted a chance to come to terms with her overwhelming response to Drustan. His lack of faith had hurt her, but the fact that she had secretly wanted to return to their bed almost as much as she had wanted to see to her friend's welfare, terrified her.

She did not want to love a man who had married her only as an act of vengeance and who cared nothing for