understand why.
She had asked for nothing.
'I know. Truly, I do, Lachlan.' Refusing to give into cowardice, she said, 'I still want you.'
An expression that was almost frightening in its intensity came over his face. 'I want you, too, but I cannot take you.'
'Why? Cait said you don't practice the same mating laws her clan does.'
'Her clan is now the Balmoral.'
'You know what I mean. If you take me, we are not wed like the Sinclairs.'
'Nor would the Sinclair laird ever wed you then.'
'Do you want him to?' she asked, not sure what she would do if he replied in the affirmative.
'No!' He growled and it was no human sound his throat made.
She shivered, but did not mind his ferocious reaction. That was something at least. 'I already told you I cannot give myself to him. And he doesn't want me anyway.'
Besides, the other laird probably already thought she'd given herself completely to Lachlan. She'd been naked with him and she was now convinced Talorc was aware of it.
'You are a virgin, Emily.'
'And you aren't.' Was he thinking she did not have the experience to give him pleasure like he'd given it to her?
She could not argue that point, but she was certainly willing to try. Eager even. But she was not so desperate she would say so. She had to maintain some semblance of pride here.
He laughed. 'No. I am no virgin. It takes the physical act of mating to give a member of our pack control over the change. As you said, our ways are not the ways of the Sinclairs. We allow noncommitted mating to further the interests of the pack.'
'Then why won't you make love to me?'
'You are not a femwolf.'
'Are you saying Balmoral werewolves never have sex with human women without the benefit of marriage?'
'No, but there is the risk we will true-bond.'
'And you don't want to be bonded with me.'
He sighed, but then his expression turned hopelessly grim. 'No.'
She turned away, the pain of that single word as bad as when her father had shoved her away and called her a useless female child who had caused the death of her mother. Father had wanted a son and she had been a disappointment to him by right of her birth. She was not good enough for Lachlan either.
She had not been born a femwolf and therefore she had no lasting value to him.
'All of our children could be human, not just one. Don't you understand? Every time a Chrechte and a human mate, they risk not passing the wolf nature on.'
'And that is so important?' she asked, but she knew it was.
Just as she'd known that being herself had never been enough for her father, Sybil or even her other siblings. Abigail was the only one who had loved Emily for who she was.
'How can you doubt it?' Lachlan demanded in a fierce tone. 'We are a special race and to lose that race because we do not care enough to pass our full natures on would be wrong.'
She wanted to cry, but she wouldn't. Tears did nothing but relieve some of the ache, and right now, she knew they would not even do that. He was not telling her anything surprising, only hurtful, and that pain would not leave her for a long time, if ever. Wasn't there still a corner of her heart that craved her father's love?
She could never have it either, but that did not mean she had to give up on everything. Was not a small taste of joy better than nothing at all? 'You said there was pleasure you could show me without breaching my maidenhead.'
'Yes.' His voice sounded strangled.
She turned to face him, but did not meet his eyes. 'I want that. And I want you to show me how to give you the same kind of pleasure you gave me last night.'
He made a feral sound. 'Emily…'
'What?' She met his eyes then, searching for she knew not what. Certainly she would not find love there, or even unconditional acceptance, but perhaps passion. 'Do you not want even that much with me?'
Heat flared in his dark gaze. 'Yes. Damn it. I do.'
So, at least there was the passion. She was glad because she intended to use it to hide from the pain tearing apart her insides. She had never allowed herself to hide from truth, but right now she planned to do just that. She planned to pretend, for just a little while, that his passion was love.
He would never know and it could not hurt him, but she needed to feel loved just this once. She would live the rest of her life on these memories as she had clung to memories of her father's kindness before her mother's death all through her growing-up years.
Every touch would be motivated by love and a desire that matched her own, every sound would be one of acceptance for her as his
But he did not.
He reached out and ran his fingers through her hair, his touch so gentle she could barely feel it. 'It's so soft, so beautiful. My wolf wanted to bury his muzzle in it last night.'
She swallowed, storing the
'You don't mind?'
She shook her head, then watched in fascination as he slowly divested himself of his plaid, revealing himself to her with breathtaking sensuality. He stood before her in all his naked glory. His manhood was engorged and she felt a sense of relief that they were not going to make love completely.
No matter what he thought, they would never fit together, she was sure of it.
'Do you like what you see?' he asked.
She nodded, mute.
'But you still want to see my wolf?' Inexplicable vulnerability to her rejection shimmered in his gold-rimmed eyes.
'Yes.'
Then, so fast, she had no idea how it happened, Lachlan the man became Lachlan the wolf.
She'd never seen anything so wondrous, even in her imagination. Not to pass such an ability on to his children would be a tragedy. She remembered her wonder the first time she had seen a shooting star, but this was even more glorious. How incredible that God had made a people capable of such a feat.
She felt privileged to have witnessed the secret miracle. Lachlan had given her another unique gift and she would remember it forever.
As a man, he was everything any woman could desire. As a wolf, he was utterly beautiful. His pelt was glossy black. She'd thought so last night, but moonlight wasn't reliable for revealing color. He was also huge, standing almost as tall as her, but on all fours. His eyes were the same brown with gold around the irises, but they looked sharper.
His head was big, like the rest of him, and he held himself with a regal bearing that reminded her of Lachlan the man. Just as he always had seemed more than a man, he now seemed more than a beast. Human intelligence glowed in his wolf's eyes.
He watched her intently with those eyes, as if waiting for something.
She could not think what at first, but then it occurred to her that he might be waiting for her to show she was not afraid. Was he waiting for her invitation to touch? Deciding that must be it, she dropped to her knees and put her hand out, welcoming him to come to her.
He padded across the floor, the strange noise he'd made the night before rumbling in his chest. He stopped mere inches away. She tilted her head back and he lowered his so their eyes met.
His spoke secret messages to her heart that she labeled love and a tiny curl of joy pushed some of the pain out of her heart. He licked her cheek delicately and only then did she realize she had allowed a stray tear to
