warfare. Architecture and design interested me, so I started reading about it.”
“You’ve done a lot more than read to have designed Wolf’s house the way you did.”
“I played around with plans, designing things on a small scale, and then I met this old guy who was a retired architect. He would look over my plans and tell me what was wrong with them until I learned the fundamentals. Then he suggested I start using computer simulation programs for design. It’s the one thing I like doing on the computer.”
“He sounds like a neat man.”
“He was. He died the year I designed Wolf’s house, but he liked my plans.” The sense of accomplishment in Daniel’s voice was unmistakable.
“Have you ever thought about becoming an architect?”
“I’m a soldier.” He said it as if it was an incontrovertible fact.
“But if you weren’t one, would you have pursued architecture and design as a career?”
“Maybe, but it doesn’t matter now.”
“No, I don’t suppose it does.” Except that he was obviously not open to a different way of life.
Just like her dad.
“Where’s your house?”
“New Mexico.”
“Isn’t that a long way from the merc school?”
“I can go home between training sessions the same way I stay there between assignments now, but I might build again on the Oregon coast. I haven’t decided yet.”
“What part of New Mexico is your house in right now?”
“About an hour from Roswell.” He slipped his arm around her waist and spread his fingers out over her naked stomach.
She sucked in a breath. “You mean the Area 51 Roswell?”
“I don’t think there’s another one.”
“Are you interested in UFOs?” Her interest in their conversation was rapidly dwindling as his fingers brushed up and down on her wet skin.
“Not really, but I like the sparse population of the New Mexico desert. You can drive miles without seeing any signs of civilization but the road you’re taking. It reminds me a little of where I grew up, but the winters aren’t cold like they are in South Dakota. To be honest, I like that as much as not having a lot of neighbors to disturb me.”
She rubbed her head against his shoulder, loving how solid he was. “Do you ever want to go back?”
“To the reservation?”
“Yes.”
“I visit once a year.”
That shocked her, and she jerked around to look at him, dislodging his hand so it settled on her hip. “You do?”
“Yes, but my close family is gone, so it’s more of a pilgrimage.” He’d been looking up at the sky, but transferred his somber gaze to her. “My grandfather’s art is displayed in one of the small museums. I like to go and see it, to remember my dad’s temper isn’t the only legacy I have from that side of the family.”
“You learned to control your temper, so I’d say it’s not much of a legacy anyway.”
“Maybe you’re right.”
She scanned his sculpted features, wondering what his dad looked like if everyone said the two of them could pass for twins. He must be a very beautiful man, on the surface anyway. “Do you remember any good times with your parents?”
He was silent for a long time, and she thought he was going to refuse to answer, but then he nodded. “They got along great when he wasn’t drinking and she wasn’t trying to talk me into going to college and him into paying for it. He used to teach me how to carve with his hands over mine. I still do it sometimes; it’s good for my manual dexterity.”
A huge bubble of emotion welled up in Josie and spilled over, warming her from the inside out. Daniel had made choice after choice to keep the best of his past and dismiss the rest of it. If only he could see how far he had come from being anything like his lost father.
Daniel sighed. “She loved his art, and he acted like he loved her.”
“But he didn’t love her enough to stop drinking.”
“No.” He shook his head. “Looking back now, I realize they could have had a great marriage, but his violent rages stopped that. There were times he went to kiss her that I could tell she was just tolerating him. She never denied him, but he had to know she didn’t want him. I vowed I’d never do that to a woman, would never touch her unless she welcomed my touch.”
That’s where he’d gotten the need to be welcomed, not just accepted into her bed.
“Your mom must have believed it would get better.”
“Maybe in the beginning, but by the time I was in school, the pattern had been set. He drank every weekend and lost his temper almost as often. The older I got, the more frequently he drank during the week as well. She always made excuses for him, but the truth was, he didn’t care about anyone else enough to stop, and she didn’t think enough of herself to leave him.”
“That must have hurt you a lot.”
“Yes.”
She liked that he didn’t try to deny it.
“Dad may have strange ideas about how to raise a daughter, but he always loved me. He would never have hurt me. I know it doesn’t change anything, but I’m sorry your dad hurt you.”
“I’m sorrier he hurt my mom, but it couldn’t have been easy training to be a soldier when you were so little.”
“He was a lot easier on me than he was his soldiers…until I got older, and then he expected me to be better than all of them.”
“You are.”
“I tried. I thought my dad’s love depended on me being the best soldier I could be. I didn’t realize he loved me for being me until a couple of years ago.”
“What happened then?”
“I got shot on assignment and almost died. I was in a hospital in the Middle East for ten weeks.” Remembering that time made her shiver despite the hot water bubbling around her. “He cancelled his spring training session and flew out to be with me. He sat beside my hospital bed that first night and cried, telling me how much he loved me and begging me not to die. I’d never seen him cry before. I couldn’t talk much, but I tried to tell him I would be okay. He never left my room until the danger zone was past.”
“He realized that what he’d raised you to be put you at risk in just the way he’d been trying to protect you from all your life.”
“You’re pretty smart. I think that’s exactly how he felt.”
“I read enough of his journals to realize how he would have reacted to you almost dying. It would have hit me the same way.”
“You and my father have a lot in common.”
“Not so much. He succeeded in protecting you.”
“He didn’t think so when I got shot. He kept saying he was sorry, and I couldn’t understand why. Now I do. But one thing became very clear: He didn’t love me because I was a superior soldier. He loved me because I was his daughter.”
“Is that when you decided to get out of the business?”
“When I realized I didn’t have to be a soldier for my dad to love me, I asked myself if I wanted to spend the rest of my life being one. The answer was no.”
“You’d rather work with computers?”
“In some capacity, yes. I’m not like Claire and Hotwire, though. I’d be content to work in a job that used my computer skills, but didn’t focus on them.”
“So, you don’t know if you’ll take the job Wolf and Hotwire offered you with their security business?”
