‘I haven’t.’
There was a silence as Robbie glanced back toward the door and Emmeline looked longingly around the flat. ‘Perhaps I could-’
‘You have to go,’ said Robbie quickly. ‘I’m working.’
‘But I could help out,’ she used her purse to lift the edge of a dirty plate, ‘tidy up or-’
‘I said no.’ Robbie opened the door.
Hannah watched as Emmeline forced her lips into a breezy smile. ‘I was joking, darling. You didn’t really think I’d have nothing better to do on a lovely afternoon than clean house?’
Robbie didn’t say anything.
Emmeline strolled toward the door. Straightened his collar. ‘You’re still coming to Freddy’s?’
He nodded.
‘Pick me up at six?’
‘Yeah,’ said Robbie, and he closed the door behind her.
Hannah came out of the bathroom then. She felt dirty. Like a rat slinking out of its hidey-hole.
‘Perhaps we should leave it a while?’ said Hannah. ‘A week or so?’
‘No,’ said Robbie. ‘I’ve told Emmeline not to drop around. I’ll tell her again. I’ll make sure she understands.’
Hannah nodded, wondered why she felt so guilty. She reminded herself, as she always did, that it had to be this way. That Emmeline wasn’t being harmed. Robbie had long ago explained that his feelings were not romantic. He said she’d laughed and wondered why on earth he ever imagined she thought otherwise. And yet. Something in Emmeline’s voice, a strain beneath the practised flippancy. And the yellow dress. Emmeline’s favourite…
Hannah looked at the wall clock. There was still half an hour before she had to leave. ‘I might go,’ she said.
‘No,’ he said. ‘Stay.’
‘I really-’
‘At least a few minutes. Give Emmeline time to find her way.’
Hannah nodded as Robbie came toward her. He ran a hand over each side of her face to grip the back of her neck, then pulled her lips to his.
A sudden, jagged kiss that caught her off balance and silenced, utterly, the niggling voices of misgiving.
An afternoon in December, when they were sitting one each end of a deep bath, Hannah said, ‘I won’t be able to meet for two weeks.’ She ran a washcloth over his hand. ‘It’s Teddy. He has guests from America for the next fortnight and I’m expected to play the good wife. Take them places, entertain them.’
‘I hate to think of you like that,’ he said. ‘Fawning all over him.’
‘I certainly don’t fawn all over him. Teddy wouldn’t know what was happening if I did.’
‘You know what I mean,’ said Robbie. ‘Living with him, sleeping with him.’
‘We don’t,’ said Hannah. ‘You know we don’t.’
‘But people think you do,’ said Robbie. ‘They think you’re a pair.’
She reached to take his fingers in the soapy water that was fast becoming cool. ‘I hate it too,’ said Hannah. ‘I’d do anything so that I never had to leave you.’
‘Anything?’
‘Almost anything.’ She stood, shivered when the cold air hit her wet skin. She climbed out of the bath and wrapped herself in a towel. Sat on a wooden seat by the window. ‘Arrange to see Emmeline sometime next week; let me know when and where we can meet, after New Year?’
He slid deeper beneath the water so that only his head was visible. ‘I want to break it off with Emmeline.’
‘No,’ said Hannah, looking up suddenly. ‘Not yet. How will we see each other? How will I know where to find you?’
‘Wouldn’t be a problem if you lived with me. We’d always be able to find one another. We wouldn’t be able to lose each other.’
‘I know, I know.’ She pulled her slip over her head. ‘But until then… how can you think of breaking it off?’
‘You were right. She’s becoming too attached.’
‘No,’ said Hannah. ‘She’s ebullient. It’s just her way. Why? What makes you say that?’
Robbie shook his head.
‘What is it?’ said Hannah.
‘Nothing,’ said Robbie. ‘You’re right. It’s probably nothing.’
‘I know it’s nothing,’ said Hannah firmly. And in that moment she believed it. Would have said it even if she didn’t. Love is like that. Urgent and insistent; it conquers easily one’s sense of satisfaction.
She was dressed now, and it was his turn to sit on the chair wrapped in a towel. She knelt before him, slipped his left shirt sleeve up over his arm. ‘You’re cold,’ she said. ‘Here.’ He shrugged his right arm into the shirt and Hannah started on the buttons. She didn’t look at him when she said, ‘Teddy wants us to move back to Riverton.’
‘When?’
‘March. He’s going to have it restored, build a new summer house.’ She spoke dryly. ‘He imagines himself quite the country squire.’
‘Why didn’t you tell me?’
‘I didn’t want to think of it,’ she said helplessly. ‘I kept hoping he’d change his mind.’ She reached the top button, slipped it through and ran her hand down the middle of his chest. ‘You have to keep contact with Emmeline. I can’t invite you to stay, but she can. She’s bound to have friends up for weekends, country parties.’
He nodded, wouldn’t meet her eyes.
‘Please,’ said Hannah. ‘For me. I have to know you’re coming.’
‘And we’ll become one of those country-house couples?’
‘Yes,’ she said.
‘We’ll play the same games as countless couples before us. Sneak around in the night, pretend to be distantly acquainted in the day?’
‘Yes,’ she said quietly.
‘They’re not our rules.’
‘I know.’
‘It’s not enough,’ he said.
‘I know,’ she said again.
‘All right,’ he said. ‘But only for you.’
