Akata Witch

You look… parched.”

“Yes, please,” they said.

A monkey about the size of a five-year-old child came running out. Its fur was light brown with hints of red, and it had a long strong-looking tail that swung in circles as it ran. It threw a bottle at Sunny. Thankfully, she was quick enough to catch it. The Fanta was ice cold. Orlu caught a malt, Sasha a Coke, and Chichi a bitter lemon. All were thrown with equally wild finesse. The caps popped off with a hiss.

“You made it,” Kehinde said. “If you hadn’t, you wouldn’t have been worth my time.”

Sunny frowned, irritated.

“What’s that?” Kehinde asked her. “Speak up.”

She glanced at Sasha, Chichi, and Orlu. They looked as angry as she felt.

“Why-I just-” She pressed her lips together and then shouted, “We could have all been killed!” She paused. “Honestly, what kind of ‘teacher’ does that to his students? We met with a bush soul! What if it had done us in? My parents don’t even know I’m gone!”

“If you’d have all perished, we’d have found you and your bodies would have been returned to your parents with… explanation,” Kehinde said.

Sunny’s mouth fell open. What kind of barbaric coldhearted man was this?

“Come now,” Kehinde said, pulling out a newspaper. He shook it at them. “Have you seen the news lately? If you haven’t noticed, a person’s life, especially a young person’s, isn’t worth much these days. The world is bigger than all of you. Chances have to be taken. But thankfully, here you are.”

Sunny was about to say more, but he held a hand up. “Shut up, now, Sunny,” he said. “You’ve said enough.”

“No,” she snapped. “I-” The smack on the back of her head was hard enough to make her vision go blurry for a second. She turned to stare at Chichi, who’d hit her. “Shut up,” she hissed. Sunny was so stunned that she did.

Kehinde smirked and nodded, satisfied. “I don’t make a habit of meeting Anatov’s groups of students, but Anatov thinks you’re useful-useful to the Leopard People as a whole, though all this might be harmful to you as individuals. But that’s life, eh? We’ll see. Sasha, stand up.”

He stood.

“You like trouble?” Kehinde asked.

Sasha cocked his head and then said, “If I can find it.”

Kehinde actually smirked. “I like this one,” he said to himself.

Orlu sucked his teeth with annoyance.

“Okay. Well, it grows late,” Kehinde said, standing up. “I have other appointments, social occasions, places to visit, visitors to entertain.”

That’s it? Sunny wanted to shout. All that and now he was going to send us right back into his crazy jungle? Nevertheless, when she stood up, she felt refreshed, despite her annoyance and bruises. She looked back at the path. If they survived the walk back, it would then be the funky train home, most likely. What time was it? She didn’t dare look at her watch.

The monkey came out again. “Hey, I wasn’t done with mine,” Orlu snapped, as the monkey snatched his malt. It took all their drinks.

“Gotta be quick,” Kehinde said. He shook each of their hands, patting Sasha on the back and whispering something in his ear, to which Sasha nodded and said, “Okay.”

Then Kehinde pulled something small and shiny out of his goatee. He threw it toward the path, causing a small burst that sent creatures Sunny couldn’t quite see scurrying in all directions. They were all waiting for us, she realized in horror. When the dust settled, the path was gone. In its place was a shorter path leading to Anatov’s hut.

“You’re lucky that I’m a nice guy,” Kehinde said with a wink.

“I’d have figured out how to do that,” Sasha said. “Once I know the way back, I can do that.”

“Not in the Night Runner Forest,” Kehinde said, darkly. “This place would just laugh at you and then lead you toward more potential death. Eventually, Sasha, I’ll show you how to do it. Till then, be on your way.”

When Anatov saw them come in, a look of such relief passed over his face that Sunny understood then and there just how close they’d come to death. She felt a ticklish sensation in her belly. The feeling lasted through the smelly, sneezy, funky train ride back and her short walk home. Chichi came along to help her sneak inside.

“Imagine the skull and do what you did before,” she said. “Remember, you’ve already done it once. You got yourself through the keyhole, not the skull.”

Like her second time crossing the bridge, getting inside was wonderfully easy. In seconds, she materialized inside her room. She smiled when a bronze chittim fell at her feet. Quickly, she opened her bedroom door and looked in the hallway. The chittim that had fallen earlier were still there. She took them into her bedroom and softly shut the door. It was five A.M. She had two hours until she had to get up for school.

Cooking and Recipes

If you are a girl and you are fortunate enough to marry a Leopard man when you grow up, you must not only know how to cook non-magical meals but the occasional magical one as well. As with any other Nigerian man, the way to a Leopard man’s heart is through his stomach. A free agent woman who cannot cook Tainted Pepper Soup for her Leopard husband is done for. Thankfully, this recipe is very easy to follow, even for you. Practice and master making Tainted Pepper Soup now or you will be sorry later.

Tainted Pepper Soup

INGREDIENTS:

3-4 large tomatoes (Warning: If they are too small, the finished soup will explode within an hour!)

1-2 tainted peppers (Warning: Never ever use a tainted pepper that has turned orange or emits more than light wisps of smoke)

Meat or fish (Warning: Do not use chicken. Chicken will cause the finished soup to explode within an hour!) 4 Maggi cubes (Warning: Do not use chicken Maggi cubes or the finished soup will explode within an hour!) Palm oil

2 perfectly round onions (Warning: If they are not perfectly round, the finished soup will explode within an hour!) Sea salt (Warning: Do not use table salt when using tainted peppers unless you plan never to have children) 50 g/2 oz ground crayfish (Warning: Make sure there is not one grain of sand in your ground crayfish or your soup will taste like glue)

Dry pepper

Water

Ice

INSTRUCTIONS:

Place the meat in a pot, add very little water (most meat produces water as it cooks), dice one onion in with the meat, add some sea salt, and cook the meat until it is almost tender.

Grind the tomatoes, the remaining onion, crayfish, and tainted peppers together. Add ice to cool it all down (tainted peppers will make the blended mixture boil).

Pour the blended mixture into the pot with the meat. Also add the Maggi cubes. Then add palm oil, not too much, not too little (palm oil is extremely high in cholesterol).

Allow the soup to cook itself (the tainted peppers will cause it to boil) for about 20-30 minutes, stirring constantly. Do not use a metal spoon unless you want to poison your husband.

Add sea salt and dry pepper to his taste.

from Fast Facts for Free Agents